Cosmic Love
by baobhansith23
Summary: Modern AU: Prepared to escape his demons, Peeta Mellark left the town he grew up in and the girl he loved. Only to return six years later.
1. One

Cosmic Love

Chapter One - A Sky Full of Stars

Madge Undersee looked at the somewhat crowded bar that evening gathered in The Hob and decided almost immediately that the amount of interesting people present was lacking more than usual. Most of the people there that night were either high school kids that Haymitch Abernathy ignored to check for proper age or college students home for Thanksgiving break. Not only did Madge not find these people interesting or worthy of her time, but she also secretly hated them for making her feel suddenly older than twenty-four.

She channelled her best friend's familiar scowl and offered it to a few chatty blondes near her before she drowned an Irish Car Bomb that she had just gotten from the bar. It gave her the familiar burn feeling but she ended up sighing in content as it made it's way down her throat.

Walking away from the bar and between the scattered groups of people, Madge made her way closer to the table her friends were gathered at. It was toward the back of the old rundown bar and gave just enough privacy. It was the table they always took up when they gathered there. If people were sitting there around their arrival, they would get up without a word and make their way out of it without a second breath. Amongst the small group of her friends sat her boyfriend, Gale Hawthorne. During high school, Madge rarely paid him any attention without a slight eye-roll at his boyish ways. However, the two ended up attending the same community college and although he still caused her to roll her eyes, he caused her to smile even more. His boyish ways still appeared but instead of annoying her, they caused her heart to race and her skin to turn a vibrant shade of pink. They constantly butted heads over things like politics, religion or what to watch on the TV but they both loved their spatters of disagreements and they especially loved when their disagreements lead them into the bedroom when they began their own version of making-up. When they first started dating and even to this day, many felt they wouldn't survive each other. Gale with his temper and Madge who handled everything with patience and grace similar to the Holy Grail himself. But if their was anything Madge Undersee loved more than her friends and family, it was proving people wrong.

Almost all of their friends were there. Everyone in Panem had known one another from either birth or high school. They were inseparable even when they all ventured off to their own colleges. They kept in contact with weekend trips, Skype dates and even Group iMessages that drew everyone crazy but kept them sane despite the initial annoyance. All of them either lived in Panem or in the surrounding area which kept their weekly get togethers much easier to accomplish. Beside Gale and Madge, who remained in Panem even after college, there was Delly Cartwright and her on-again/off-again boyfriend, Thresh Matthews, Thomas "Thom" Johnson, who was Gale's best friend, Jude Marvel who went by his last name more often than his first and lastly but not least, Johanna Mason. They were all seated around the old wooden table as Madge made her way before them. The only one missing was Madge's oldest and dearest friend, Katniss Everdeen.

Gale was talking into his iPhone and seemed excited about whatever it was that was been told to him. He nodded his head with a grin as he lowered the phone and ended the call as Madge came to him, turning around and standing between his legs, her back pressed to his chest and his arms subconsciously made their way around her waist. "That was Rye. He and Peeta are coming by later." Gale grunted out as he released one hand away from his girlfriend's waist and toward his surprisingly still full bottle of beer.

"Ah, Peeta Mellark." Thresh said with a faint smile. "The baker's son returns."

"When was the last time Mellark was even here? I haven't seen him since the summer before we all left for college." Johanna mused before she licked the inside of her wrist and poured some salt on the wet patch for the tequila shots she and Marvel were preparing themselves to drown down.

"I couldn't tell you. So maybe it's his first time back since then." Thom said as he took a small greedy sip from his beer.

Peeta Mellark used to be their friend in high school. The curly haired blonde could easily befriend a nation if he tried. Despite the easygoing demeanor he showed everyone, Peeta didn't have the easiest life. What happened in the Mellark household was one of those things that people always wondered about but never spoke aloud about. Peeta however, didn't let the shadows of his past affect his future. He worked hard in school and worked hard on the wrestling team, both of which helped him with his dreams for the future. His hard work definitely paid off, Peeta got into Brown University and once he stepped out of Panem, he never came back again. Except now. When he had left, he rarely was able to be in contact with. The only way his old friends knew anything about him was through his brother, Rye, and Peeta's occasional posts on Facebook.

"Where's Katniss?" Madge asked, breaking through everyone's random and reminiscent thoughts of their former friend. She didn't have the slightest clue as to why Peeta Mellark had returned to Panem now after all of this time and to be honest, she didn't really care anymore. He was her friend and now he wasn't.

"She's probably getting a few more hours in at the clinic." Thom said with a tilt to his head as he sucked down a sip from his beer. "You know Katniss."

And they all did. Katniss was the hardest worker of the group. She had a temper similar to Gale's but it wasn't so well known. She was somewhat rough around the edges and though her compassion seemed to steer her in every which way, it worked for her. Katniss had cared for her younger sister for most of her life and once she graduated high school, she set forth to attend The Ohio State University where she got her degree in nursing. Though she wasn't as soft or open as her sister, Primrose, she had all the right needs for being a nurse. She now worked at the local hospital, Valley Health and she loved it. Katniss had grown up with Madge and Gale but she didn't know the rest of the group that well. Peeta had actually introduced her to the rest of them when they began their friendship during the fall semester their senior year of high school.

At first, Katniss was reluctant to even speak with Peeta. He made her feel uneasy with his gentle smile with just the right hint of shyness. But over time, their unlikely friendship had formed and they began spending so much time together that it was nearly unknown of to see one of them without the other. However, returning back to school after Christmas break, Peeta was acting completely different. He stopped coming to group gatherings and he stopped talking to Katniss all together. He pretended not to notice her and he made sure to never run into her, which wasn't that easy in such a small town. No one understood why Peeta had treated Katniss like that and they assumed they never would. She was to full of fire to try to understand and despite his detachment, Peeta was still to kind to talk any wrong of someone.

Despite losing her best friend, Katniss remained close to the group of friends she had grown to know and love. They were her own family and they all constantly took it upon themselves to help her out even when she stubbornly refused it. Katniss was always immersed in her work. Since her sister was out on the west coast at Berkeley, Katniss didn't really have anything else to do but work. She picked up extra shifts and often worked so much overtime that her boss threatened to fire her. She didn't date, either. She had gone out on a handful of dates over the past few years but she either ended it before anything began or merely ignored anything romantic all together. It seemed like a waste to her and she often ignored the voices in the back of her head telling her to not allow herself to get hurt again.

"Katniss!" Delly exclaimed suddenly, almost falling off her stool as she saw the familiar braided hair friend make her way toward the table, but Thresh shot his hand out and grabbed her before she could. Delly smiled at him and gave him a small kiss before she threw her arms out and wrapped them around Katniss the instant she was within distance. She had lost count on how many tequila shots she had downed with Johanna and Marvel. "About time!"

"Hey." Katniss muttered with a small grin, hugging the blonde in return, before slowing easing her back toward her stool. Katniss hadn't changed at all since high school. She was a bit curvier, her smile was a bit smaller and her grey eyes remained on the same high alert as they always had. Her dark brown hair fell toward the small of her back and it always found its way into a braid by the end of the day. Katniss had the kind of beauty that she didn't realize she had. She didn't see what anyone else did. She found herself rather plain looking, especially when standing next to her friends, who looked nothing short of Hollywood glamour. "I'm sorry I'm late. I just had so much-."

"Work to do." Gale finished for her with a wink and smug smirk. Katniss rolled her eyes and whacked him in the arm, which caused him to burst out into a laugh.

"Ugh, I always hate the holiday season because I never get to see you." Madge mumbled to the braided brunette, still standing between Gale's legs and now taking sips from his beer bottle. "Can't people stay away from knives for one damn day?"

Katniss shook her head with a smirk of her own. "If they did that, I wouldn't have a job."

"Well, since you're late, Everdeen, you need to catch up." Marvel said with a playful grin, pushing a shot of vodka towards her.

Katniss shook her head, wrinkling her nose, even though she wouldn't have minded the shot. "No can do, I'm on-call tonight."

"Catnip, come on." Gale spoke to her with a smile, not at all surprised that Katniss was refusing the shot. When she was on-call, you could rarely get the girl to leave the house. "One drink won't kill you."

Katniss shook her head at her friend. "With my luck, it might." She smiled then shook her head again when Marvel offered his tequila shot this time. "Really, guys. I'm just sticking with water or soda. Next time will be on me."

"Ugh she used her nurse voice. No way to crack brainless into having fun." Johanna teased making the table erupt in laughter and Katniss to narrow her eyes. She held up her hands in surrender and bit back a large smile.

"Forgive me for trying to be a responsible adult, Mason. Not that you would know anything about that." Katniss said in an overly fake sugary-sweet tone that she often used with disrespectful patients. The table erupted in laughter again. It was fun to tease Katniss but the group often had their words thrown back into their face from the girl who had so much fire sometimes, that she could give Gale Hawthorne a run for his money.

"We're sorry, Kat." Madge said, still laughing. "We should have known better. We mustn't fuel the fire."

Although she adored her friends, Madge being the closet she had, their teasing words and lack of understanding sometimes cut at her. They always made fun of her for taking her low paying job so seriously, her stiff demeanor and without realizing it, just plainly the way she was. It wasn't as if she didn't know how to have a good time. She often found herself out-drinking Marvel or even Gale on nights she didn't have to work. She could have just as much fun as the next person but she wouldn't let one stupid mistake ruin her future. So, she took her job seriously and lived a life that some might find boring but she was happy with it. Or, well, at least as happy as you could be. She could actually pin-point the moment when she felt truly happy and that was almost six years ago.

Katniss shook her head before she even allowed her mind to wander down that lane. She didn't like to think about Peeta Mellark. In fact, she hated it. They hadn't spoken in six years and if she allowed herself to think about it now, she would drift back to her eighteen year old self. The girl who often wondered what caused her to lose the boy who knocked down her walls so easily. She had known him her whole entire life but she really knew him for only three months, six years ago. And yet in those few weeks, he had completely became a part of her life. He had broken down her rough exterior and implanted himself into her life but just as quickly as he had come, he left. Leaving her feeling the same loss she hadn't felt for years. She wouldn't allow herself to feel that way with another person ever again.

"I have an idea." Thom suddenly announced, standing up and slapping his hands on the table. "I'm a little ashamed that I'm the one that thought this up considering I usually leave the underhandedness to Johanna or Marvel but I'm drunk enough to agree with their ways of life."

"I am not underhanded." Marvel interrupted, even though everyone glanced at him with a look that told him they agreed with Thom.

"Thom, I am officially listening. Underhandedness is one of my specialities." Johanna smirked as she leaned more into the table taking the shot of tequila Katniss rejected.

"I suggest we pick a guy out for Katniss and.." Thom began to speak.

"Found him!" Delly suddenly exclaimed, pointing to a man standing at the bar. Everyone at the table turned their heads to look at him but his back was to them. But from what they could see of him, he was definitely a good looking guy. He was a bit short but not by that much. He was broad with muscle to his stocky frame and his blonde hair was cut shorter on the sides than the top. "Damn, if I didn't have a boyfriend that would be for me." Delly exclaimed with a smirk to Thresh.

Katniss sighed and wished she would have just taken the shot of tequila. She glanced at the guy at the bar before glancing back toward her so-called friends. She loved them, she truly did and everyone knew she didn't take love lightly but all of them drove her up the wall. They were always trying to get her out of her shell and set her up with some guy and she wished they would just leave her alone. It wasn't her fault that the selection of males from Panem was quite slim and even the few that made their way into her sight, didn't manage to hold her interest.

"So, what is me exchanging spit with a complete stranger supposed to do, exactly?" Katniss muttered, rather impatiently. She didn't want to do this. She had nothing to prove to her friends but maybe if she did, they would leave her alone, at least for a little while.

"It will help you break from this thick mold you've put yourself in-."

"Madge-." Katniss tried to interrupt but her voice went unheard or ignored.

"And it will be totally fun and kick-ass and please, Katniss?"

Katniss sighed, looking at Gale. "Can you believe your girlfriend is even suggesting this?"

Gale shrugged with a smirk. "Yeah, I can believe it."

"Go on, Kat. It'll be fun." Delly spoke loudly as she grinned at her friend. "He has a killer ass on him. So it will be fun no matter what."

"Hey- don't feel like you have to do anything you don't want too, Catnip." Gale spoke softly just enough for Katniss to hear. It caused her to let out a breath and sigh.

The music in the bar started to grow a bit heavier and the younger groups around them started to cheer and dance.

Katniss turned and glared at Thom. "I hate you just a bit." She shouted at him over the music, half serious, half not. Thom laughed but Katniss remained unexpressive as she turned and set her eyes on the guy at the bar. His back still remained towards her and she wondered why he appeared to be standing alone. Her palms began to sweat and not even hearing the excited cheers behind her, she began to walk toward the stranger. She couldn't believe she was doing this without the help of alcohol. She really, really, really, really was starting to wish she took that shot now.

The music around her was loud and vibrating around her. Sam Smith was singing about latching onto someone and her she was, about to latch herself onto a complete stranger. It was starting to give her a strange rush but she wouldn't let her friends know that. She wished he would turn around so she could at least see what she was about to throw herself at. Not that it even really mattered. She would tap him on his broad shoulder, kiss him and then walk away. Well, run away.

And that is exactly was she did, well sort of. She ran her fingers through the end of her braid, glanced back at her friends and then turned and tapped the guy on the shoulder. She was Katniss Everdeen. She had some guts and some fire within her. She could be fun and happy all she wanted to. She took a deep breath, tapping him on the shoulder again. As he started to slowly turn around, Katniss snapped her eyes shut without looking at him. It would be a hell of a lot easier if she didn't need to see the confusion or horrific glance the guy would give her.

She found his cheeks between her palms without opening her eyes, she stood up slightly on her toes and yanked his head down and kissed him square on the mouth. Her lips worked with his rather clumsily as she tried to gather a rhythm. The last time she was even physical with a guy was six months or so ago. He opened his mouth slightly and she found herself kissing him back just a bit harder. He tasted faintly like cinnamon and beer. She wanted to find out what else he tasted like. She was shocked when a moan escaped past her lips as the guy put his hands on her head, his fingers gently tugging on the beginning of her braid as he guided her lips with his own, slowing the kiss down rapidly. His mouth moved over hers, his lips caressing hers so slowly and sensually, Katniss felt something starting to erupt in the pit of her stomach.

Now this was a kiss similar to the ones her sister made her watch in shitty Rom-Com's.

She pushed herself closer toward him and her arms slid around his neck. She expected him to pull away from her but instead, while one hand remained tangled up in her braid, the other arm wrapped around her waist and he hauled her body up and tighter against his. Katniss couldn't believe this was happening. She felt a whole new kind of hunger build up inside of her. This stranger was kissing her so passionately yet so sweetly. This man knew exactly what he was doing and Katniss wanted more of it. She tilted her head to the side, kissing him a bit harder and he grounded his hips into hers to show that he liked that. She moaned again and she didn't even feel embarrassed about it. The tip of his tongue began to swipe at her lower lip and that was what caused her floating body to come back to Earth. She had to stop this. It didn't matter that she was completely on fire, he was a complete stranger - one who could kiss the hell out of anything it seemed.

Katniss pulled her lips away, panting somewhat heavily. She could feel his hands still on her, his arms wrapped around her and she thought about how nice it felt to be wrapped up in someone. She blinked her eyes open slowly and tried to contain her beating heart. It was pounding so quickly that if she was her own nurse, she might call for a crash cart. When her eyes locked with his though, she gasped and immediately stumbled backwards, breaking away. She would know those blue eyes anywhere.

All she could think of was, _Oh shit_. Her mouth fell open but no words came out. He was staring at her, his chest panting as well as he tried to slow his breathing down from their kiss. He stared at her so intently, she felt a shiver go down her spine. He recognized her as soon as she recognized him and she found herself happy because of that but only for a second. Then, her humiliation started to fill her body and the slightest touch of anger crept its way in. She had no idea it was him. She didn't even know he was back in Panem.

"Katniss?" He asked as if he was making sure he was mistaken but he wasn't.

She stared at him and wondered why her feet weren't running in the opposite direction. She had just kissed Peeta Mellark. Well, she practically attacked Peeta Mellark with her mouth. She felt like she was going to throw up. She needed to do what she did best, and escape from the situation as quickly as she could. Without saying a word, she turned and ran away losing herself in the crowd. She hadn't felt that kind of hunger ever before in her life. He had left her before and despite the feeling of utter humiliation, she didn't dare feel bad about walking away from him for once.

…

_Six Years Before_

As she sat on the edge of the roof of the Mellark Bakery, she could still hear the music pounding from beneath her. _Forever _by Chris Brown was playing and though Katniss was starting to hate the song, she found herself humming along to it. She smiled at the faint memory clouding her mind of Peeta singing horribly off key to the song last week in the bakery. He made her laugh and he was making her smile so much that it was starting to make her face hurt. She had friends but she never had a friend like Peeta. It caused her to feel things she didn't understand. She might have been eighteen but she wasn't naïve. She knew she liked him more than she wanted to attempt or would ever allow herself to attempt. When she ever voiced aloud what she exactly felt, it had it's way of completely leaving her.

She shook her head at her thoughts as she glanced around the town square before her. She wasn't sure why she came to the Mellark's famous kegger party but here she was. Her mind was elsewhere though. Cloudy with thoughts that she knew she shouldn't have. She shouldn't worry about what her sister is doing. She shouldn't worry if there was food in the fridge. She shouldn't worry if her mother is having one of those days where she can't get out of bed.

But here she was, worrying like usual. She had called Prim as soon as she stepped onto the roof and although her fourteen year old sister insisted she should stop calling and have some fun, Katniss found herself wishing she was back at home watching crappy romance movies and laughing at them with her sister.

Madge had insisted they go to the well known party a week ago and Katniss hadn't wondered why she even agreed. But between Madge and Peeta begging her, she easily gave in and found herself at a party full of her peers who were heavily or close enough to being intoxicated. Katniss herself had two beers under her belt but once she lost Madge amongst the crowd, she wove in and out of the bodies until she found the familiar fire-escape that Peeta had showed her the day he sang _Forever_ to her.

She circled her finger around the edge of the red cup as she breathed in the fresh September air. It was still warm enough that she didn't need a jacket but sitting alone on the roof made her wish she had more than a tank-top on.

Once she arrived at the party with Johanna and Madge, Katniss tried not to look for Peeta but it was as if her eyes couldn't help it. She spotted him immediately as he played a round of beer pong with his brother. As if he sensed her as well, he turned toward her and smiled that smile of his before he held up his finger to indicate he needed a minute. She watched him finish the game and before she knew it, she was wrapped up in his arms. He got her a cup of beer but was pulled into another game of beer pong and right after that was when she realized she had lost Madge.

So, instead of standing like an awkward statue, she ventured off and ended up exactly where she was. She brought the red cup to her lips but before she could take a sip, she watched the familiar broad shoulders slump up onto the rail and up over the edge until he was grounded on the flat roof. She didn't look up from her cup.

"What are you doing up here?"

She shrugged as she lowered her cup and began to bring her empty hand to her braid. She felt him slid in next to her and she allowed herself to sigh slightly at the warmth of him.

"Katniss?"

She turned her head and only saw his blue eyes reflect concern even though they were slightly unfocused and red. She had no idea how she managed to avoid Peeta Mellark for so long because once she became friends with him, she couldn't imagine her life without him. Part of her hated it. The part of her that started to depend on him. He made her laugh and he listened to her when she rambled on about the war she would have within herself and he got her hooked on The Office. He was something she never planned to have in her life after her father died. He was like this bright light of life that she thought she never would be allowed to have.

"Did you climb up here, drunk?"

Peeta frowned slightly and laughed at himself. "I guess I did." He laughed again and shook his head before he turned his attention back to the girl beside him. "Now are you going to tell me what's bothering you? Need me to sing again?"

Katniss shook her head and glanced back at the town before her. Something in her stomach was erupting but she ignored it as she clutched the cup in her hand a bit tighter. She heard him faintly call out her name again, which pulled her away from her thoughts. She looked over at him and couldn't believe that within a few short weeks, he had become one of the best things her pathetic life ever had. Taking a deep breath, she turned away before speaking. "Tomorrow will be eight years that my dad has been gone."

Peeta felt himself sober up at her words instantly. He watched her face as she refused to turn toward him. He was taken back to the day he heard of Mr. Everdeen's passing. He barely knew Katniss then but he remembered how the next day and every day after, she slipped away from being the girl he remembered that held so much life.

He didn't know what he felt for Katniss but whatever it was, sat in his stomach and sometimes caused him to feel physically ill. He couldn't remember being able to look at her and not fall for the way her grey eyes looked on the brightest of days. When she sang in kindergarten, he was a goner. Her smile was so genuine then and for the past few weeks, he tried to make it shine like that. "What do you need me to do?"

She turned toward him and Peeta felt his breath catch in his throat as the faint lights around him glowed up her face. She was beautiful.

"What?" Katniss asked softly as she felt her face grow warm.

Peeta smiled sheepishly as he realized he must have spoken allowed. He would usually play it off friendly but he was just the right touch of drunk and he wanted to see her smile. "I'm drunk and you're beautiful. In the morning, I'll be hungover and sober but you'll still be beautiful, Katniss."

Katniss wanted to roll her eyes but she didn't. No one had ever called her beautiful before. She watched his face and waited for a chuckle to escape like it usually did whenever Gale or someone else of the opposite gender complimented her but nothing escaped from his mouth. She shook her head but smiled regardless. "You're not so bad yourself, Mellark."

Peeta swallowed softly and watched her face. The smile slowly drifted away from her lips as she continued to stare right back at him. He felt something pull him toward her. Like an unknown gravitational life moment. This was it. This was the moment he dreamed about since he was five years old. It didn't matter in that moment what his mother said he was or how he felt about himself. He was here with the girl of his dreams and nothing else seemed to matter. He reached for her face with his palm and hesitantly placed it amongst her cheek. She stared at him as he reached his other hand so her face would be clasped between his hands. His pulse was quickening and his hands were trembling. He sucked in a breath as he started to lean his head toward hers. His eyes remained open but hers were starting to flutter shut. He was close enough that he could feel the soft puffs of air leaving her lips against his own.

"Katniss? Are you up here?"

Katniss immediately felt the loss of Peeta's hands as she saw another curly head of blonde pop over the roof. She watched Madge and for the briefest of moments wished her friend had better timing. She was certain that Peeta was going to kiss her and although the thought terrified her, she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if he had.

"There you are. Hey Peet." Madge chirped as she remained by the fire-escape. She turned her attention back toward Katniss. "Johanna is ready to go, are you?"

Katniss took a moment before answering. "Yeah, just give me a minute."

Madge smiled and remained unaware of the moment she had broken up as she climbed back down the stairs.

Katniss however felt her pulse quicken with every passing moment. She slowly glanced back at Peeta and felt the nerves rushing toward the ends of her fingers. She wasn't good at talking and she sure as hell didn't know how to even approach the subject of what just happened between them. She swallowed her feelings for a moment and studied the soft sprinkle of hair on his chin. "Peeta-."

He coughed and held up a hand in her direction. "Sorry I- I don't know what I was doing. I must be more drunk than I realized."

She remained silent as she looked down into her lap. She shook her head as she tried to gather the thoughts in her head. She didn't know what she was expecting. He was Peeta Mellark. The closet thing to perfect and the closet thing to a best friend she had. She had no idea why she was feeling so disappointed. If they had kissed, it would ruin things and this was something she didn't want to lose.

"Katniss?"

She wanted to punch herself for how quickly she glanced up at him.

"I'm sorry."

Though she didn't know if he was talking about what she had admitted moments earlier or their almost kiss, his voice sounded like honey and she knew it was genuine. She nodded her head and glanced at him for a brief second before turning her head and no longer looking at him. "I should get going. I'll… see you." She said softly and with that, she stood up and headed down the fire-escape. She wished he would follow her and clear up whatever was going on in her mind but he didn't. She didn't even know what she was feeling and as she made her way down the fire-escape, she wondered if she ever would.

…

_Six Years Later_

Her lips were still tingling as she walked across the parking lot of The Hob. That had been the first kiss they had ever had. She could still hear the music pounding from the club as she made her way to her car. She couldn't believe how cruel fate was being with her at this particular moment. Out of every guy in the club, she just happened to kiss Peeta fucking Mellark. She would have laughed if it wasn't so sad. He probably thought she was an unemotional freak. They hadn't spoken to or seen the other in six years and then all of a sudden, she shifted their short platonic friendship and practically threw herself at him. She was humiliated.

After their almost kiss on the roof of the bakery, they walked around each other awkwardly for a few days before falling right back into the way things were. If anything, they were closer than ever but that only lasted for another two months before he ended up leaving her completely and utterly alone.

"Welcome home, Peeta fucking Mellark. I've missed you even after you threw my sorry ass to the curb. Mind if I shove my tongue down your throat?"

Katniss groaned loudly as she searched for the car keys in her purse. She parked so far away and she was regretting even coming at all. She should have just left the hospital and went to her empty apartment. But again, fate was cruel.

What was worse was that she didn't even know what was going on in his life or if he was in a committed relationship. He surely had to be. He was Peeta fucking Mellark. He might have been an asshole to her but that didn't mean he wasn't a perfect angel to someone else. He probably had a wife at home and a baby on the way. She groaned again at the images in her mind.

She couldn't believe that he was back in Panem. Why was he back? He had stayed away for six years, it would seem that he would never come back. But there he was. Was he just back for the holiday? God, she couldn't afford her sanity if she kept thinking about that. The last thing she wanted was to be around him again. There was a small time when she had allowed Peeta Mellark to mean so much to her that when he dropped her like she was nothing, he broke her heart more than anyone else had. She would not make the same mistake again. She has been burned too many times, especially by the boy who was currently causing her to be on the verge of an aneurysm.

"Katniss!"

His voice echoed throughout the voiceless parking lot. She was suddenly taken back in time. She didn't turn around to look but she stopped all the same. She knew exactly who it was and she could picture his face almost perfectly in her mind. She could sense him as he drew himself up toward her. She was surprised that he was there. He had followed her. This time he had followed her and she was pretty sure she was more pissed off about that than anything else.

* * *

_Chapter Notes_

_Hi! This is my first fan-fic and I'm pretty excited about it! I love this fandom and after playing around with the idea of actually posting something, I finally gave in and just went for it. I have a few notes I wanted to added because sadly, I own nothing but my own angst filled ideas._

_The title of this story is taken from a _Florence & the Machine_ song. I feel it applies to Katniss and Peeta very well in the series and it happens to be one of my favorite songs. If you haven't heard, I would give it a listen!_

_The chapter title comes from a _Coldplay _song which again, I felt applied to the characters during the chapter._

_An Irish Car Bomb is made with Irish stout, Irish cream and Irish whiskey._

_The song Katniss hears when she walks toward Peeta at the bar is Latch by _Sam Smith_._

_The song Katniss hears on the roof is Forever by _Chris Brown.

_The quote Peeta uses to say Katniss is beautiful, that I change just a bit, is from the 2003 movie, _The Dreamers.

_If anyone has any questions, feel free to send me a message on here or my brand new tumblr: **baobhansith2323. **I'm very excited to hear from you all and what you think! _


	2. Two

Chapter Two - Different Stars

She moaned softly as his hands trailed over her skin, igniting the small fire within her body that seemed to transfer from his own. She arched her back and pressed herself harder against him. "Mmm. Right there, baby." She breathed heavily into his ear as she latched her lips around it. His hand continued its slow crawl up her thigh and under her tight black skirt. Anytime she wore that skirt, his eyes turned almost coal black and he warned her that he would not be held responsible for any of his actions. She had laughed fully heartily at the submission when he first told her but she was quickly put in her place when he held up to his word.

"What do you want?" He asked, his words muffled against her skin as his mouth placed hot and wet open-mouthed kisses on the side of her neck. Her arms tightened around him as he nipped at her porcelain skin with his teeth. He pushed her more against the run down brick wall behind her and she moaned, lifting her fingers to run them through his dark brown hair, keeping his head between her shoulder and neck.

She practically purred. "You know what I want." She gasped as his hands unexpectedly pushed up her top and cupped both of her breasts. It felt like heaven but it only added to the ache between her legs which were more desperate for his touch. She clawed at his back and pushed her hips off the wall until they were grinding fully with his. She dropped her arms from around his neck and started to pull on the front of his jeans before her fingers started working to undo the zipper. "Please." She would cry if she didn't get rid of the ache between her legs. He drove her wild with his teasing and she loved every single second of it. He was the only one who could make her feel completely defenseless and wild in one simple touch.

Not wanting to have her back scraped up on the brick behind them, Gale lifted his head from his girlfriend's neck and looked around the small alley behind The Hob for something that she could lean against. He smirked when he spotted two crates stacked together a few feet away from them. He gathered Madge in his arms and carried her to the crates as he smacked her ass playfully, which of course gave him the soft squeal he loved so much. He laid her down gently before him and pushed her skirt up so it laid across her upper stomach. He lowered his lips and gave her a soft kiss, which was a lot calmer than their kisses only a few minutes prior.

Gale pulled away slowly and watched her eyes pop back open. He ran a hand through her blonde hair and sighed at the feeling of silk beneath his fingers. He couldn't believe that someone that looked like Madge saw anything in someone like him. She was so soft at the touch and her kind heart made him smile so much that his friends would tease him about it. If someone told him in high school that he would find himself falling in love with the mayor's daughter, he would have laughed in their face. But here he was.

Sure he always noticed her but it wasn't really until high school that he really saw her. She was so timid and shy at the time that he couldn't believe that the girl who used to be afraid to say hello to him and the girl who talked about his cock during sex was the same person. So, in high school they were somewhat friends. But at freshmen orientation at Panem's Community College, their path's crossed. He thought it was so strange that the mayor's daughter chose a community college of all places but he didn't mutter a word about it. They slowly became friends without the intervention of their other friends and they even had a few classes together in the beginning. They grew closer than ever and during the end of their freshmen year, Madge leaned over his car console and kissed him. And with that, they had been together ever since. Sure they had their ups and downs but what couple didn't. They had gotten their own small apartment in Panem during their junior year. It wasn't the greatest but it was their home. Once out of college, Gale started his own construction business and Madge worked at the local elementary school as a first grade teacher. So, money was tight some months but it didn't dapper their feelings or love for another.

Because she knew his thoughts more so than her own, Madge smiled up at him as she cupped his jaw in her hand. "I love you." She whispered. He was the first person she had ever loved in a romantic way and she was sure he was going to be the last. He had changed her completely and in a way, ruined her for anyone else.

Gale gave her a small and genuine smile before he leaned down and kissed her again. "I love you, too." He whispered back but it lacked the softness her voice had and still came out with a bit of a grunt. He opened his mouth to say something else to her but his iPhone started chirping in his pocket. He glared at his pocket as he reached in and pulled it out glancing at the iMessage from Marvel. He frowned and held the iPhone out to Madge as he started to stand up.

Madge glanced over at him in concern before she sat up and glanced down at the iPhone in her hands. With only a few words, she felt the same worry she knew her boyfriend did.

_Marvel [Delivered 10:52 PM]: _**We can't find Katniss. **

**…**

For a long time, neither of them spoke a single word aloud. Neither of them knew what to say. Katniss, had nothing to say but at the same time, she had so much to say. It was like her mind was clouded with thoughts and feelings that she wished were gone. Everything she once felt rushed back to her and she hated it. She was to stubborn to say anything and he looked way to much in his own head to mutter anything himself. So, they stood in the parking lot of The Hob and simply stared at one another. Katniss crossed her arms over her stomach, her head tilting back the slightest bit so she could keep eye contact. He seemed a bit taller than what he was in high school but she couldn't be sure. Six years took a toll on some people.

He wanted to kiss her again. Peeta stared at her and all he could think about was wanting to kiss her. He had only kissed her fully once and with that one kiss, he already knew it would never be nearly enough. It didn't even matter that he didn't see her before she kissed him at The Hob. Right before their lips connected, his pulse quickened and his fingers shook, as if his body was anticipating the interjection of Katniss Everdeen back into his life. They had almost kissed once, years ago, a time that seemed now so long ago, and yet, it was the one thing he wished he had actually done. Even with the girls he kissed after that almost kiss, none of them even compared to what his body felt that night on the roof. The feeling he had in his stomach was the feeling he compared every single kiss after to. And now that he had actually kissed her, he was certain none of those girls stood a chance to the woman before him.

His body was still humming as he stared at her lips. He had to shove his hands into the pockets of his jeans so he wouldn't do something stupid, like touch her face or undo her braid. When he was eighteen, he always imagined undoing that braid and running his fingers through the hair that looked like silk. Everything about her seemed unreal.

Neither still spoke and Peeta took the opportunity to look at her, breathe her in. There hadn't been a day that had gone by that he hadn't thought about her. She hadn't changed much, she was still beautiful to him but he figured she would always be beautiful to him no matter what. Her hair was still in its braid but it was longer. She looked like she grew into her curves as well. Her stomach was still flat but she now had an hourglass like figure that would put any girl next to her to shame. His eyes shifted back to her face and he was greeted with the all to familiar scowl.

Katniss narrowed her eyes as she finally turned away from the blue eyes that were practically staring her into a corner. She glanced at the entrance of The Hob and prayed that one of her friends, hell anyone at this point, would walk out and save her from this awkward situation. She really wished Peeta would stop looking at her the way he was. She couldn't concentrate enough at her own thoughts but when she felt his eyes on her, all hope was lost. She counted to five and slowly allowed her eyes back to his, only to slightly gasp when she realized that he had taken a step closer to her. She needed to run away. She needed to run far, far, far away. His warmth and overall nature was overruling her senses and she couldn't let him do that. Not again.

But then he reached out and lightly cupped her face and all her thoughts flew out the window.

Peeta closed his eyes for a brief moment at the feeling of his skin against hers. His thumb brushed across her soft cheek while his other hand swept over her jaw line and rested on the side of her neck. He faintly heard her release a harbored breath and when he opened his eyes, he saw that her eyes were closed as well. He stared at her, noting in his mind that he might not ever get this close to her ever again. The way she had reacted to discovering that it had been him that she kissed, and by the way she ran away from him, he could only imagine that she still hated him. And she had every right to hate him. They had been best friends and she had meant so much to him. Yet, he pushed her so far away and hurt her intentionally. It hurt him but that didn't mean he didn't feel what he chose to do, wasn't for the best. He knew that her stubborn brain wouldn't ever believe him if he told her that what he did was for her best intentions.

Fuck it.

Peeta pulled her face closer toward him and met her lips with his. Even though she moaned softly, he remained holding her head to his in case she tried to pull away. Katniss didn't move her lips against his at first but with some gently coaxing, Peeta felt her relax and finally, he felt the slightest pressure against his lips as Katniss slowly returned the kiss. He took another step toward her, leaving his chest almost against hers. He dropped his hands slowly from their hold as he moved his mouth more against hers. But as soon as he started to loose himself against the feeling of her, she yanked her lips away from his. She mumbled under her breath and turned around quickly as she walked quickly to a car he assumed was hers.

He swore under his breath. "Katniss, wait." He said in almost a whisper and was more surprised that she actually heard him than the fact she actually stopped. Her hand was in the mid-action of opening her car door. She turned her face with a scowl and stared at him. Peeta knew that scowl more than anything, for he had been on the receiving end of her famous look many times before.

"Why?" She finally spoke in a soft whisper but before he could mumble up and answer, she spoke again. "Why in the fucking world should I wait for you?" Her voice was cold and harsh. It almost made Peeta flinch but he merely stood as he watched her slam her car door and face him fully. "You may have been a big part of my life, Peeta but that ended when you walked away. You don't- you can't just kiss me like that, Peeta. Not now." She was grateful that her scowl distracted him from the fact that her hands were starting to shake. She was mad at him and she was mad at herself for wanting to kiss him again.

"You- you kissed me first." Peeta pointed out as he took a hesitant step in her direction. He didn't even care that she was shooting him death glares. She was actually speaking to him and he would take yelling over the silence.

Katniss rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "I didn't realize I was talking to one of Madge's first graders." She was pissed. "Yes, I kissed you first but that was only because my friends dared me to. I would have never, ever, ever agreed to it if I had known it was you." She sighed and she hated that she felt the need to explain herself to him. "I don't just walk up and kiss people. I'm not that kind of girl and if you knew me at all, you would know that. I haven't changed that much and I have no idea why I even did that tonight."

"I'm glad you did." Peeta interrupted her ramble but was only answered in a more deadly scowl.

Katniss almost spat out that she wasn't glad for the kiss at all but she couldn't lie. Even though he had hurt her, she still couldn't keep a single thing from him. He knew her better than anyone that if she lied to him, he would always call her out on her bullshit. The connection they had, despite the length of their friendship, had been so strong that it scared her. She doubted that she would ever feel that connection again. A connection like that didn't form between two people for no reason. A connection like that was rare and it didn't easily vanish either.

Instead, Katniss dropped her scowl slightly, placed a hand on her forehead and looked down at the ground. She wished the sick feeling in her stomach would go away. She looked up at Peeta and drop her arms so they hung limply at her side. "What are you even doing here, Peeta?" His forehead wrinkled up in confusion and she watched him bring a hand through his curly hair. "In Panem. What are you doing here?"

"It's Thanksgiving." He shrugged, even though he understood why she had asked. This was his first time back in six years.

"You came home? For Thanksgiving? After years of staying away?" Her voice dripped in sarcasm with a bit of disbelief.

He wanted to smile at how well they both still knew each other, even after all this time. However, his kept his lips in a thin line and glanced at her. "Rye needed me to come home to be there when he introduces my parents to his fiancé."

Katniss shot him another look. "Since when does Rye care about what girl he brings home to your parents?"

Peeta let out a breath. "Since she is a he." He watched her face light up in the softest glow of surprise. "You can only imagine how thrilled my mom will be."

Katniss took a step toward him then stopped herself. If she hated anyone with every fiber of her being, it would be Lucinda Mellark. The woman was evil to everyone and everything. The woman also was rumored to have a habit of hurting precious things. Katniss shook her head at the image of Peeta with a ringer around his eye. On nights when Peeta worked closing shift at the bakery, he would stay in the small apartment above and just sleep there. Sometimes, he just slept there to escape his mother. Katniss could recall exactly how to climb the fire-escape and crawl through the small bedroom window that he always left open. Some nights, they didn't even talk. Both just fell into the comfort of another as they tried to escape their reality.

"Rye mentioned that he was seeing someone but I.." She ventured off without finishing the thought.

"You talk to Rye?"

Katniss shrugged. "No, not really. He was at the hospital when one of his friends gave birth. I was the nurse. He was there, I was there.." Again, she didn't understand why she had to explain herself.

"Yeah, I uh- heard you were a nurse." Peeta said and then continued when she looked at him in confusion. He shrugged. "Rye told me awhile back or maybe Marvel. I think it's great, Katniss. It's perfect for you."

She shrugged and hated that her mind automatically shifted to wonder how Peeta could know that. Rye or Marvel wouldn't have told him that she was a nurse if he hadn't asked. She knew this because she asked herself. "I heard you were an art teacher." It came off as a muttered whisper and she could barely look at him.

Peeta smiled softly at the fact she knew that and at the remembrance of his students. "Yeah, I loved it." He watched her tilt her head in confusion. "They had to cut the art program this year, so I've just be hanging out around Jamestown."

Ah, so that's where he was. She knew he was somewhere in New York but she couldn't be certain. She surely didn't want to ask and seem like the love struck teenager she once was. In order to even get snippets of his life, she would nonchalantly ask Marvel or Thom after they had a couple beers under them. No one else would talk about Peeta to her sober.

"Well if we're talking about perfect jobs." She made a hand-motion in his direction. "I'm sure you're a great teacher, Peeta." She said the last part softly, staring directly at him this time and she felt the weird gravitational pull toward him again.

After being silent for a few minutes, Peeta took a step toward her and this time, Katniss remained rooted in her spot. He walked her all the way back to her car so her back was pressed up against the door and he was in front of her, his hands going on either side of her, resting of the roof of her car. Katniss, felt her throat go dry while her body heated to what she assumed was the same temperature of an inferno.

Peeta hesitated for a moment but when he noticed that she wasn't trying to get away, he leaned down and kissed her again quickly and it took him a moment to realize that he was actually kissing her again.

Katniss sighed into the kiss. Kissing him was overpowering all of her senses but at the same time, numbing everything in her mind. He was kissing her so softly now and it was making her heart beat fiercely in her chest. This was the kind of kiss that two people in love shared. A kiss where after, they would tell another how much they loved each other. She did love him, still after six years of silence and endless amounts of self-doubt. She would never tell him she loved him though. He didn't deserve to know. Her hands made a weak attempt to cling to his shoulders but they did. As he kissed her a bit harder, she slowly moved her hands up and into his hair.

Fuck him, she managed to think despite the numbness in her mind. She hated him. She hated everything about him. From his dimpled cheek to the fact he drank tea without any sugar. He had left her and the ache in her heart was starting to return but it was also beating faster at the feeling of his tongue against her lips. She was certain that her thoughts and her sporadic heart-rate that by the end of the night she would end up in a mental institution. However, she opened her mouth for him and he came in and tasted her, tracing every crevice of her mouth with his tongue and she tasted him as well. After a few minutes, she pulled away slowly, needing more oxygen to breathe. Peeta stared at her with slightly unfocused eyes. She hated him. She really did. She wanted to punch him or shoot an arrow through his eyes and forget he ever existed. But she couldn't do any of that while his eyes remained on her. Staring at her with that look of his.

"Come with me." Peeta breathed out softly as he stared at her with disbelief and a bit of confusion as his words came out before his brain could even process them. He didn't even know why he bothered to ask because she would probably only deny him with a slap to the face or a knee to his groin.

Katniss didn't even think. She only reacted. "Yes."

…

_Six Years Before_

Someone was tapping at the window. At first, he thought his mind was in that weird state of being awake and fully asleep, so he rolled into the sheets and almost sighed at the warmth of the small cocoon he had created. He was exhausted. He had worked the entire day at the bakery and he could feel it all over in his bones. He could also feel the work of his mother and her rolling pin on the side of his face. The physical and mental exhaustion of the day had made him fall right into bed after he locked up the bakery and headed up to the small apartment above.

But now, someone was tapping on the window and they sure as hell weren't going away. He started to count to ten in his head when the tapping stopped but right before he reached nine, the small patter against the window continued. Peeta kept both of his eyes closed, willing his aching body to go back to sleep and for whoever was tapping on his window to go the hell away.

The tapping only continued and he faintly heard his name alongside it this time. He moaned slightly and rolled over with a kick to his sheets. He was tired and moving slow but upon seeing the familiar braid outside of his window, he moved faster, rushing to the window and unlatching the lock.

"Since when do you lock the window?" Katniss asked with a grunt as she started to slide her leg through the open space. "Better yet, since when do you even close the window?"

Peeta yawned as he watched her stand fully upright in the small bedroom. He shrugged and turned back toward the bed before happily and tiredly falling right back onto it. "It's been a long day."

Katniss smiled softly, toeing off her boots and shrugging off her father's hunting jacket. She looked over at Peeta laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. She glanced at his bare chest and navy blue sleeping pants before averting her gaze and heading toward the small dresser across the room that held a few items of hers for when she came to sleepover. She glanced at him again when she pulled out her yoga pants and remained staring at him as she changed. Once she was in her proper sleep bottoms and one of his old t-shirts, she made her way over toward the bed. He didn't move an inch. "What's wrong?" She laid down next to him and watched as his eyes remained on the ceiling. "Peeta?"

Peeta released a shaky breath as he slowly turned his head toward her. It took her a moment to notice but once she did, she let out a small gasp and gently scooted closer toward him.

Katniss delicately placed her hand on his face and moved closer to him so that the moonlight from the outside would reflect more on his face. His perfect face was now slightly swollen and bruised beneath her fingertips. She stared at it for a moment before she leaned in more and placed her face into his neck. "Peeta.."

"It's fine." He answered hoarsely as he turned his attention back toward the ceiling. "It's fine."

Katniss lifted up her head. Her eyes were wild as was her heartbeat. "It's fine?" She grasped his chin lightly before turning his head in her direction. "This is far from fine, Peeta." She let out a breath. "We need to tell someo-."

"No!" Peeta exclaimed as he stared at her. "We need to tell no one, Katniss." His voice was louder and the harshest it has ever been in her direction. "Do you understand?"

Katniss remained still for a moment but shook her head so quickly that anyone who wasn't staring at her would have missed it. Her heart hurt so much at the incoming bruise on his face and she could picture out exactly how he would play it off. _I ran into the oven. Always graceful, I know. _That had been what he said the last time when their friends at school noticed the shiner around his eye. Though they were hesitant to believe him at first, Peeta being Peeta, talked them into the fully story of how he supposedly ran into the oven while singing along to Shake It by Metro Station. Katniss didn't believe a word of it though. Not after the witness of the cruel ways of Lucinda Mellark herself.

"Can we just go to sleep?"

She nodded her head at the request and turned her back toward him as she started to curl her knees toward her. She felt the sheets and soft comforter come over her before she felt Peeta roll onto his side, pressing his chest to her back. She tensed for a moment as he draped his arm over her waist and brought her fully against him. The first few times they shared a bed, they would start off on separate sides, only to wake up fully tangled together. So as they grew closer, so did their sleeping arrangements. Katniss bit into her lip as she felt his nose press into her hair. "Are you really okay?" She asked this quietly and felt him hold onto her tighter.

Peeta didn't want to talk about it so instead, he buried his nose further into her hair that smelled like flowers and spring. This was his safe haven. He hated that he must appear so weak to her. The fact that a six-foot male could get his ass handed to him by his five-foot-two mother. Part of him wondered if she pitied him. The thought sat weird in his stomach and his mind clouded over. Katniss deserved someone who wasn't afraid of things like rolling pins or even the darkness some times. She deserved someone strong who would not only protect her but himself. He wanted more than anything to be with her. To be able to actually kiss her and not blame alcohol for almost doing so. She deserved so much better than him.

"Peeta? Are you okay?" Katniss asked again, bringing her hand to cover his that was against her stomach. She intertwined their hands and held on so tightly, she wondered if she would cut off his circulation.

Peeta nodded from behind her. "I'm okay now."

…

_Six Years Later_

"You're staying at the bakery?" Katniss asked curiously as she pulled up to the familiar bakery. She glanced at the fire-escape and felt her throat constrict. She thought of all the times she walked up the old stairs and climbed into the window on the right side of the brick building. Some nights they wouldn't even talk. The mere knowledge of the other was enough to set their minds at ease. Most times, they would just lay together and listen to Dashboard Confessional songs or attempt to watch cable through the old television in the corner of the bedroom.

Katniss bet that she could still climb through the window. She hadn't done it in six years but she didn't think for a second that she couldn't make it through the old window. Some of her best night-mare free nights were spent up in that small apartment with Peeta. She felt safe, protected and cared for.

"Yeah, it's kind of a full house at home. Micha with his wife and kids, plus Rye." He shrugged as he watched Katniss turn off the ignition. He cleared his throat and headed toward the front steps of the bakery. He unlocked the front entrance and flipped the light on so they weren't in the dark. "Come on in."

Katniss took a hesitant step into the bakery. "I don't ever think I've gone up to the apartment this way."

Peeta laughed softly as he closed the door behind her, locking it one more. He gestured for her to head toward the back kitchen and slowly followed her until they were standing in the larger space. "If you'd feel more comfortable climbing the fire-escape, I can meet you up there."

Katniss found herself smiling at his joke. She shook her head and looked around the somewhat familiar bakery. She hadn't stepped foot in the place for the past six years. She glanced at the large wood ovens and then averted her gaze toward the rolling pins that hung above the sink. She turned her attention toward the floor.

"Do you want something to drink?" Peeta asked with a slight confidence as he gestured toward the fridge. He watched her nod her head before he nodding his as well, walking past her to reach the silver fridge. He pulled out two water bottles and slowly turned around to face her again. He found that she was watching him like a lion watched it's prey. Their eyes locked and neither moved. Katniss took a step toward him but then stopped. Without breaking eye contact, he placed the water bottles on the wooden island next to him before standing up straight and staring right back at her. He watched her and he could see that she wanted him. He still knew her better than anyone else. And he knew that she was fighting with herself to close the distance between them.

So, he did it for her. His body was practically aching for her. He closed the distance and slid his hands onto her cheeks, gripping her head and tugging it to his. She raised herself up on her toes, wrapping her arms around his upper torso, pressing against him. Feeling her breasts crushed against him, feeling her lips pressed just right into his made Peeta groan. She felt better than he could have ever imagined. He didn't want this to end anytime soon.

Katniss didn't want it to end either, so she kissed him back with just as much passion and fury. She brought her hands up into his hair and pulled slightly at his scalp and he grounded his hips into hers, making both of them moan. Peeta wrapped his arms around her and lifted her her, setting her down on the wood island and stepped between her legs. His hands rubbed her thighs before moving up her sides, brushing across her breasts before reaching and cupping either side of her neck. Katniss pulled her lips away from his, panting heavily and locked eyes with Peeta. He was certain he stopped breathing and all the blood in his body started to quickly travel south as he watched Katniss tug her shirt over her head. He didn't dare look away from her face until he felt that it was okay. She bit her lip and he took the time to glance down at her breasts which were encased in a dark green, almost black lace bra. Both of them were panting and Katniss watched as Peeta stared at her breasts. She felt her face heat up at the way he was looking at her. For the first time in a long time, she felt beautiful.

She bit her lip and then put her hands on his cheeks, tilting his head up so their eyes locked again. He smiled that smile of his before leaning in and kissing her, his lips pressed to hers sweetly and the gentle caress of his lips against hers made her moan, leaning forward, her arms going around his neck and pressing her chest against his. His hands slid up and down her back and hesitated around her bra strap. For a moment, she tensed, thinking he was going to take it off but instead, his fingers merely slid under it, feeling as much of her skin as he could. Peeta pulled back momentarily to yank off his shirt but before he could kiss her again, Katniss put her hands on his chest, stopping him. She wanted to look at him as he had looked at her. She ran her fingers up and down his chest, which were sending his head in every direction. She was making him feel so good. She was making him feel.

He had dreamt about this moment for so long. Her warmth around him. Her flowery scent in his nostrils. He longed so much for her touch and now he never wanted to go long without it again. Katniss was touching him with her small hands, kissing him with her heart shaped lips and looking at him with those grey eyes that held so much want that he was sure his reflected the same. If he could go back in time, he would take it all back and do it over, she would have been his just like this six years ago. He wouldn't have wasted all of this time. He would have had her and he would never have let her go.

He brushed his fingers against her jaw. "God, Katniss." He whispered huskily. "I've wanted to do this for so long."

The haze that was clouding her brain suddenly lifted and she felt herself frown. "What?"

"What?" He asked as he felt her push on his chest so she could slid off the island and grab her shirt. "Katniss?"

"What do you mean when you said you've wanted to do this for so long?" Her voice was harsher now and all he could focus on was her red, swollen lips. "Peeta?"

He frowned. "Exactly what it sounded like. I've wanted you for years, Katniss."

"Years!" Katniss yelled, almost choking on the word as it left her mouth. She felt sick again. He left her. He left her like she was nothing. "Since when, Peeta? High school?"

"Yeah, and before even then. I've always wanted you Katniss." He knew right then that he screwed everything more up with her. He had treated her like shit and she was the last person he ever wanted to do that to. He thought he was making the right decision for both of them and he almost crawled right back to her but he stuck by his choice and he stayed away from her. It almost killed him walking away from her and six years later left him feeling the exact same way.

Katniss moved before she could think. She lifted her hand and smacked him across the face. It took another second for her realize what she did. She let out a soft cry as she brought her hand to her lips. Her eyes filled with tears as she saw the mark on his cheek that she had seen many times before. She spun around and went to the sink and grabbed the dishrag hung over the faucet, and wet it with cold water. She rushed back over toward him and gently pressed the rag to his cheek. "Peeta - I —Oh god, Peeta. I'm so sorry." She said as she felt her hands shaking as they weakly tried to hold the dishrag to his face. "You just - how could you even say that to me?" She spoke again before he could even mutter a reply. "How could you- how could I—." She paused as she lowered her hand, choking at his still red cheek. "I have to go."

"Katniss-."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't - I have to go." She stared at him for a moment before let out a small cry. He tried to reach for her but she moved quickly underneath him and ran away from him for the second time that night.

* * *

_Chapter Notes_

_First of all, a big thank you to all of you who've reviewed, followed and favorited! It was truly a surprise to see all of them today! I have had the first two chapters done so I figured I would give you all the next chapter before I started the long process of editing and revising the rest of the chapters I have. I hope to start updating every Wednesday, so that is when you should see the next update and so on after that. Thanks so much for your enthusiasm. It has meant the world._

_I decided to stick to a star/universe type song base for all the chapters, with a few exceptions. I felt it added to the story a bit. _

_The chapter title comes from a _Trespassers William _song, which is pretty haunting and was on repeat as I wrote this chapter a few weeks ago. If you really want a feel for the emotions in this chapter, I would give it a listen! :)_

_The _Metro Station _song was number #31 on the 2008 hits chart._

_I gave Peeta's oldest brother the name Micha, which I took from Michetta bread._

_The next few chapters aren't going to be sunshine and rainbows and they will contain some mature content, so I just wanted to put that out there as a far warning. Please let me know what you think and I look forward to posting the next chapter on Wednesday! _


	3. Three

Chapter Three - Meet Me On The Equinox

_Six Years Before_

"Poor dear." The nurse said, holding a small rag over Katniss' forehead. The rag that was once white was now almost completely red. "I don't think you'll need any stitches but you might have a small scar. I've excused you from your last class."

Katniss frowned and tried not to wince at the amount of pressure put onto her head. She was moments away from crying. All she wanted to do was curl into a ball, cry and then preferably punch Cato Jenkins. She watched the older nurse pull away the rag and then apply a large butterfly band-aid to her face. She didn't even want to know what she looked like at the moment. Once the older woman handed her a few extra band-aids, she slid off of the small table set up in the room and picked up her messenger bag before leaving the room. She finally winced when she realized the pain in her head was seconds away from giving her a migraine. The sooner she got home, the better. Though she had no idea how she was going to explain this to Prim.

The only thing that sucked was that she didn't have a car. So, her raging headache was going to have to suffer from walking in the cold. It was between eighth and ninth period so the halls were crowded with students, definitely not helping her situation at all. Katniss made her way toward her locker with clenched teeth so she wouldn't do something stupid, like cry right there in the halls of Panem High School. She took a shaky breath and struggled with her locker combination for a moment. She popped it open and quickly hid her face in the small dark rectangle so she could cry unnoticed. She felt dizzy, nauseous and she was pretty sure her vision was starting to grow hazier. She had to get home but she didn't want to drag Gale or Madge into this mess. Madge would demand to talk to Cato and Gale - well, Gale would probably murder the kid. She mostly didn't want to ask anyone for a ride because she didn't want anyone to see her like this but at the same time, she had no idea how she could walk home feeling like this.

"Katniss?"

Katniss stiffened and stood straight up with her head still in her locker. She quickly wiped at her cheeks. She didn't want anyone, especially him, knowing that she had been crying over something as stupid as a cut on her forehead. Knowing him, he would give her the third degree until she eventually broke down and told him what was wrong and she didn't want to tell him. She closed her eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and then turned around, tilting her head up so she could attempt to look at him.

Peeta's eyes flew all over her face. He took in her distraught frown, the large band-aid on her forehead that was mostly red and her eyes. She had been crying and he knew she didn't cry just for anything. This was actually the first time he had ever seen her cry. "What happened?" He asked softly, watching her closely as she turned back into her locker and pulled out the familiar, oversized jacket. She wasn't done with classes. She still had biology and Katniss never, missed that class. Peeta, himself, was done for the day, having only eight classes and ninth period free but he usually stuck around to help tutor a few people or hangout in the art wing of the school. "Katniss, hey." He said, putting his hands gently around her upper arms trying to get her to look at him. "Talk to me."

"Can you drive me home?" Katniss asked, barely above a whisper. The hallway was too loud so Peeta had to drop his head down closer to her mouth so he could hear. "Can you take me home, please?" Her voice was quiet, strained and he wondered if she was about to cry again. He had no idea what was going on but the redness of the bandaid on her forehead was driving him insane. Had she fallen?

"Yeah, just let me go get my coat." Peeta took her hand and tugged her gently down the hallway to his locker. The bell rang, signaling the beginning of ninth period and the halls were empty now, almost completely silent except for a few lingering students. Katniss leaned against the locker next to Peeta's as he gathered his things and he watched as she bent over hugging her arms around her stomach. "Katniss, what is going on?"

Katniss shook her head but she was starting to cry from the pain in her head. "Please just take me home, Peeta."

Peeta took her hand again and led her toward the double doors at the end of the hallway. Her hand not holding his, gently reached up to touch the weak attempt of a bandaid. She made a small noise when she pulled her head away and saw the blood on her fingertips. He was grateful that he had been able to snag a close parking spot that morning. He practically rushed her out the doors and toward his car.

He unlocked the doors and opened the passenger door for her. Katniss let go of his hand and slid into the front seat, still crying though she didn't make a sound. "Katniss.."

"I wasn't paying attention in gym." She whispered. She knew exactly what had taken her mind off of the intense game of field hockey and that was Clove Matthews and Glimmer Franklin talking about the attractive boys on the wrestling team. One of which being Peeta. Once her eyes were taken off of the fast moving puck, she quickly found herself on the ground from the work of Cato Jenkins hockey stick. "I was fine earlier but it's starting to really hurt now."

"Did the nurse give you anything?" Peeta asked quickly as he reached into his glove box and pulled out the small first-aid kit. Katniss shook her head as she pulled an extra band-aid out of her pocket and pushed it into his direction. "Alright." He gently placed the first-aid box onto her lap before turning his attention toward her forehead. He tried not to wince at the deep red now covering her forehead. "Can you get me a sterile wipe from in there?" He felt her nod weakly from how close his face was to hers and he sighed. A few seconds later, the wipe was placed gently into his palm. He pulled away for a second to look at her face. "This might sting a little, okay?"

Katniss nodded as she felt him slowly remove the band-aid from her forehead. She didn't even want to know what it looked like. "Okay."

Peeta made a quick work of cleaning the medium sized cut on her forehead before opening the band-aid with his teeth and gentling placing it into the proper place. He pulled away and gently ran his finger over her new band-aid. "Well, Miss Everdeen, I think I may have stopped the bleeding for now." He spoke in a fake accent that he often used to make her laugh.

Katniss gave him a weak smile. Her head was really starting to hurt and keeping her eyes open was a bit of a challenge. She also didn't want to think of Peeta's hand on her. It caused her to think and feel to many things.

Peeta slowly shut her door and ran around the front of his car before sliding behind the wheel and shutting the door behind him. He put the key in the ignition, turning it and roaring the engine to life, then instantly, turning on the heaters, wanting to keep the cold December air out as much as possible. He looked over at her and noticed that although the band-aid showed not traces of red, her eyes were screwed shut and she was clutching the door handle. "Katniss." He said softly, pushing the middle console up so he could bring her closer to him. "Scoot over."

For once, she actually listened and sat up fully. She glanced at him with her bottom lip between her teeth as she watched him pat his thigh, indicating for her to lay her head down. She slowly lowered herself and within a few minutes she felt him pull her hair from her braid and gently rub her head before lacing his fingers throughout her hair. "Peeta." She whispered but he merely shook his head and continued to lace his fingers through her hair.

He watched her face as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Does this feel okay? It doesn't hurt right?" He asked, still talking softly. Katniss nodded against his thigh and swallowed a bundle of knots in her throat. She couldn't find her voice as she felt Peeta's hand weave so gently in her hair and then massage the top of her head. It didn't take away the pain but it took her mind off of it. "What happened?" He asked again as he felt her grip under his thigh as she continued to keep her head down.

"I told you I-."

"I get that." Peeta said in a soft voice. He felt his heart beating so quickly as she slowly turned so she was laying on her back, with her head in his lap. "How did you get hurt?"

Katniss let out a breath as she felt Peeta push her bangs out of her face. "Cato-."

"Cato! That asshole did this?"

Katniss winced at his voice. Mostly because his tone hurt her head and also because she could already feel the anger radiating off of him. She went into the story of how the aggressive football player, accidentally clubbed her in the face while she was distracted. She didn't mention that her distraction revolved around the fact that people were talking about how attractive the boy below her was. She kept that part to herself.

"Did he at least apologize?"

Katniss lied as she nodded her head. Cato only gave her a soft grunt as he helped her off the floor but maybe that was his own way of telling her he was sorry. She didn't know and she really didn't even care.

"I wish I could help you more." Peeta knew everything a person could know about injuries and being in pain. Although the pain he felt right this second after watching Katniss cry was something he never quite felt before.

"Actually, this is helping a lot." Katniss admitted, again in a whisper, as she looked up and locked eyes with him. His hand stilled for a moment before it began running through her hair again.

"I'll do this for you whenever you need me to." He said and she smiled softly and even with the raging headache that was going on in her brain, it was still a genuine smile. Her eyes closed again as she concentrated on Peeta's gentle touch.

Peeta wanted to kiss her. He had wanted to kiss her since that night on the roof but he always managed to control himself from doing so. Katniss was his best friend. Without question, she was. He knew on some level that he had hurt her that night on the roof and that was the last thing he had ever wanted to do. He could barely keep himself together when she was in pain, even if he had nothing to do with it.

As he sat, and she laid on her back with her head in his lap and his fingers in her hair, he stared at her. He stared at her knowing that he was completely in love with her. And because of that, he would do anything he could to ensure her happiness because if Katniss wasn't happy, nothing he did would be worthy of anything.

…

_Six Years Later_

"I can't believe she went home with him. AND! I can't believe she slapped him. I mean, don't get me wrong, he totally deserved it but for Katniss to be the one to do it..just - wow." Madge said, sitting up in bed as she watched Gale move around their bedroom, getting ready for work. Madge had just exited out of the group iMessage between herself, Katniss, Delly and Johanna where Katniss had told them about last night as she took a brief break from work: how the guy she kissed at the bar was none other than Peeta Mellark, how she had stupidly gone home with him and their making-out only to be ended when Peeta said what he had and Katniss slapped him. As usual, Delly sent a frowning emoji, Johanna congratulated her and Madge picked up the phone and called her friend without a second thought.

"Yeah. I can't really believe it either." Gale agreed as he sat down on the edge of the bed to get ready to put on his shoes. "But he did treat her like shit, so I don't know if he expected anything else."

Madge sat up straighter as she tapped her hands against her thighs. After a few seconds, she felt Gale leaning over and pressing a few kisses to her throat. "Hey, cut it out."

Gale pulled away with a slight grunt. His face was blank and his eyebrows were narrowed. "Cut it out?"

Madge pulled away fully as she nodded her head quickly. "I start ovulating today which means you're not getting any for a few days."

Gale was quiet for a few moments as he thought about the idea of having a child with Madge. Sure, Madge was a surprise but it wasn't a bad surprise. She was the love of his life and he wanted nothing more than to be with her for the rest of his life. He could imagine a child already. A girl with blonde curls and gray eyes. There was no question that Madge would be a good mother. She loved her students and she was already missing them from the short break they got from Thanksgiving. She was so patient too. She would be a wonderful mother and he wanted nothing more than to have that kind of future with her. "Would it be so bad?"

Madge sat up straighter as she looked at her boyfriend, waiting for him to crack a joke, but none came. His face was plain and serious. "To have a child?" She watched him nod. "Right now?"

Gale shrugged as he glanced away so he could continue to tie his shoe. "I don't know, maybe."

Madge didn't hate the idea. She wanted a family and she wanted to be the mother of Gale's children. When they were still dating in college, at night, crammed on someone's couch or his small bed, Gale would be asleep, his body naked and tangled with hers, and Madge would watch him, trying to envision what their children would look like. But right now? They weren't even married and half of the time Gale hated even going over to her parents house. They weren't ready but then, was any expecting parent ready? She glanced at his back as he finished lacing up his shoes. She sat up and crawled over so she was in line with his back. She kissed his neck and wrapped her arms around him. "Maybe."

He turned his head and smiled softly as he leaned in and kissed her. When their lips finally separated, Gale tilted his lips up and kissed her sweetly on the forehead, making her grin, and then she climbed off the bed, checking her reflection in the mirror and combing her fingers through her hair. She was going to the hospital today to help Katniss and other nurses with the Thanksgiving meal they were putting on for patients.

"I'm not sure when I'll be done, so I'll just catch a ride with Katniss." Madge called out as she glanced at Gale who was standing in the doorway between the bathroom and the bedroom. They both got finished for the morning and headed on their way.

The day before Thanksgiving was one that Valley Health used to help celebrate with patients before their families would fly in or their families would check them out for the day, and since Madge loved helping those in need and her best friend, she always volunteered.

Gale pulled his blue pickup truck with Hawthorne Construction Co. painted on each side in big white letters in the front of Valley Health, putting it in park then turning to look at Madge. "Alright, baby. I'll see you later tonight. Call me if you need a ride."

"Will do." Madge said, leaning across the seat and pecking at his lips. "I'll think about what we talked about."

Gale nodded his head stiffly. "Sounds good, babe."

Madge nodded her head and quickly slid across the bench seat, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I want nothing more than to be the mother of your children but I just want to make sure we're ready." She felt him nod against her and she gave a weak smile even though he couldn't see her. "Have fun at work today, okay?"

He nodded. "Give me a call later so I know you got home alright." He said and she nodded as he reached over and kissed her softly. "Tell Catnip I said 'hi' and to let me know if she needs me."

Madge nodded her head again. Sometimes, she had so much to say to him but she didn't say any of it because she knew that he knew all of it already. That morning, talking to Katniss, hearing her best friend's heart breaking all over again because of Peeta Mellark, left Madge feeling so grateful that she would never be in the position to cry over a guy again. Yes, Gale made her angry and sometimes his words hurt her but nothing could ever come between them. Gale had saved her and ruined her for anyone else.

"I love you." She whispered, dropping a soft kiss on his lips then sliding back across the seat toward the door.

"Hey, Madge." Gale said before she could go. He leaned over to the glove compartment and opening it, he pulled out a small wrinkled up packet of Kleenex and held it out to her. "I know how sometimes these things get to you so.." He trailed off and Madge smiled, taking the Kleenex and reaching over to kiss him again. "Love you, too." He added with a wide and bright smile, Madge hopped out of her boyfriend's truck and practically skipped into the hospital.

…

Katniss was dressed in a lavender pair of scrubs. Her hair was pulled into a bun and though she seemed to smile just as much as she ever did, even her less observant patients could see that something was off with her. She had brought all of her patients a few goodie-bags that she ended up making at five o'clock in the morning when her brain refused to let her sleep. Madge had come during the perfect time and Katniss was more than grateful to see her friend. They worked together at setting up the recreational room - giving it a bit of life and holiday cheer. Though her movements showed that she was always doing what was needed at the time, her mind felt like it was a thousand miles away.

She couldn't keep Peeta off of her mind. Every memory of him seemed to be playing around in her brain and she even remembered things that she thought were long forgotten. Most of the memories weren't big ones either - just little things that wouldn't seem significant to anyone else. They were connected and she was certain that everything they shared seemed more than things regular best friends did. They formed a bond just at the right time in both of their lives. So, when Peeta returned from Christmas break in January, and he no longer talked to her, let alone acted like she existed, he hurt her. Every time she saw him after that, it hurt her beyond words. And six years later, he was still hurting her.

He had become so important to her during their time together. She remembered sitting on her bed, facing him as he sketched her. She remembered being at the bakery with him, him standing behind her, his hands working over hers as he showed her how to knead bread dough. She remembered him driving her home from school and always offering to pick-up Prim. She remembered sometimes when they laid in the bed above the bakery, how his hands would push up her tee-shirt slightly just so he could feel the bare skin of her stomach. She remembered how he made her feel totally alive after her father died.

Last night, had hurt her in more ways than one. He had wanted her since high school or even before then? Why hadn't he done anything about it? Why did he drop her and treat her like nothing? And then she slapped him. God, that part made her cringe. She hated that she did that but she couldn't control herself. She had gotten so upset about how he treated her all those years ago, only to suddenly claim something that couldn't be true at all. She had spent the past six years wondering about him, wanting him. No matter what guy she went out with, she always secretly compared the guy to Peeta and it didn't surprise her that none of them ever measured up. She had given her heart away when she was eighteen and she has yet to get it back.

Madge sighed dreamily from the spot next to her. "I just love this." She whispered and Katniss lifted her eyes from the room as she watched a few patients laugh at a table across the room.

Her mind wouldn't leave it's circle of Peeta. It had been less than twenty-four hours since she had seen him and it was like he brought all of her back to life. Her senses were ignited and she hated it. She had to do something. She had to do something for herself that would keep herself from going insane. And the idea that suddenly came to her was such an un-Katniss thing to do, she knew that that was exactly what she had to do. She would never let Peeta get close to her again, not how they used to be but she had to admit that his kisses and touches had made her feel more than she had in the past six years. And she wanted to keep experiencing that. She knew Peeta had been with a few girls in high school. He wouldn't be able to turn this down.

She loved him. She hated herself for it but she did. She couldn't deny that she loved him for any longer. After six years, she still loved hi. But she hated him and she would much rather act on that than love. She would go to see him after her shift and would proposition him. He was only going to be home for a few days anyway. She had to do this. She wanted his kisses and touches, she wanted all of him while she could still have them. She could do this. She could enter a purely physical relationship with him just so she could keep that feeling of being alive, even if it was only for the next few days, and then she would send him on his way with some sort of closure. She had to move on. It was time to move on. But first, she was going to have some fun while she could. For once in her life, she was going to live. And it just so happened to be that kissing and touching Peeta Mellark made her feel much, much more than alive.

…

Katniss felt like she was eighteen years old again as she stood before the Mellark Bakery. It wasn't that big of a building but right now, it was more intimidating that anything. It was a brick fortress that Katniss had come to know and love. They usually chose to go to the bakery than either of their houses. The bakery was like their own little world away from reality. And now, standing there, looking up at the dark brick of the bakery, Katniss tried to shake the feeling of security that was warming her. She wanted to run away but she had come this far and there was going to be no turning back. Taking a deep breath, she placed her hand onto the door and without another thought, pushed onto the door until she was standing in the warm bakery. The scent of cinnamon and something she couldn't quite place, overtook her senses.

She heard someone mutter that they would be with her shortly from the kitchen. She rolled back onto her heels and sighed. She couldn't deal with running into Mr. or Mrs. Mellark at the moment. Either of them would cause her to run in the opposite direction. However, she sighed in relief when she saw the familiar blonde curls of Rye Mellark pop out from the kitchen. He stared at her for a quick moment before his lips fell into a lazy smile the instant he locked eyes on her.

"This is a surprise." Rye said, wiping his hands onto the apron that hung lazily from his waist.

Katniss nodded and glanced nervously up the stairs leading toward the apartment upstairs. "Uh yeah." She brought her hands toward her hair that hung in curly strands around her. "Is Peeta here?"

"Of course he's here." Rye replied with a small smile.

Katniss nodded her head but didn't move toward the stairs. Instead, she continued looking up the flight of steps, not noticing that Rye was watching her with a hopeful grin. She took a deep breath and then another. She could do this. She was Katniss Everdeen. She was the girl on fire. She never backed down from a challenge as she sure as hell wasn't going to now. This was her chance. She was going to show Peeta just what he had missed. She was going to tease him and play with him and then send him on his dear ole' way. And she would be able to finally move on.

"You know you can go up, Kat." Rye said, trying not to laugh. "He's just playing video games and moping around."

Taking a deep breath, and attempting a weak smile in Rye's direction, Katniss finally began her journey up the stairs. Her hand gripped the baster so tightly, that her knuckles turned white. She could do this. She kept telling herself this over and over again. She could do this. How hard could it be? She looked down at her appearance, wishing she had time to change into something more sexy or appealing but she hadn't. Right after her shift, she tugged off her lavender scrubs and placed on a pair of jeans and a thick green sweater. Not exactly working in her favor of being a seductress.

She heard another voice along with Peeta's once she reached the front door of the apartment and she tried to hear who it was. The voice was too muffled by the door. Running her fingers through her hair, she knocked on the door, pushing it open slightly. Katniss poked her head into the apartment, immediately seeing that it hadn't changed at all since high school. But upon seeing who was sitting on the floor of the small living room, a video game controller in his hands, Katniss gasped in surprise, rushing into the room.

"Finnick Odair!" She exclaimed, causing both Peeta and Finnick to look up in surprise, jumping slightly at her sudden and unexpected entrance.

Finnick grinned upon seeing who it was. "Well if it isn't the girl on fire!" He leapt to his feet and she laughed loudly as he grabbed her from around the waist, hugging her, her feet dangling off the ground as he spun her effortlessly. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Katniss laughed as he put her back down. "I could ask you the same thing!"

"Home for Thanksgiving. Florida doesn't really scream Thanksgiving weather to me so I figured I'd get my ass back here to see my ma." Finnick turned and spread his arm out in Peeta's direction, where Peeta still sat on the small couch, staring at Katniss intently. "I also figured I'd come see my boy."

Katniss laughed again. "I always suspected that you two were lovers."

"He was my partner in P.E." Finnick winked in Peeta's direction. "But you were always a sweetheart to not spread that rumor around." Finnick grinned and stared at Katniss in amazement. He hadn't seen her since high school and she honestly hadn't changed at all. Little difference, subtle changes that everyone got after six years. Finnick was one of Peeta's best friends. They still kept in contact as they went their different ways after high school. After college, Finnick decided to remain living in Florida after finding his now wife, Annie Cresta.

Finnick glanced at the way Peeta was still staring at Katniss. There had been a lot of guys in high school who had crushes on the hard to reach girl before him. Few, if any ever had the guts to approach her. To all of them, Katniss always seemed different than the other girls in high school. She was always slightly above them, even if she didn't realize it herself. After the way Peeta and Katniss ended, the last person Finnick expected to see standing before him in the proximity of Peeta Mellark was Katniss Everdeen herself. He spoke to Peeta often and if he and Katniss had reconciled, Finnick would have heard about it.

"How long are you in town for?" Katniss asked, unable to keep the small smile off from the sight of Finnick. They had become friends during their senior year by way of Peeta but after graduation, they had just gradually lost touch. Katniss always adored Finnick. He was outgoing and always brought a light into whatever room he occupied. He might have come off cocky but he was one of the nicest guys she, to this day, had ever had the pleasure of meeting.

"My flight is Sunday night. Gotta get my wife and kid home safely."

Katniss squealed and demanded that Finnick show her a few photos of his wife and child. She smiled at the beautiful brunette Finnick had snatched for himself and the small version of Finnick himself. "They are beautiful, Finnick."

Finnick smiled in pride. "Yeah, they are alright." He put his phone back into his pocket as he glanced back at Katniss. "Give me a call and we'll tear the town up together." Finnick reached over and grabbed his coat from off the floor where he had dumped it when he came in.

"You do remember that we live in Panem, right?" Katniss asked. "It'll take us about all of five minutes to tear the town up."

Finnick let out a full belly laugh. "If that." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Alright, folks. I got to get out of here. My mom and wife have been calling me for the past hour. I think they're jealous I chose to come over here and play video games instead helping them get ready for tomorrow. Peet, catch ya' later. Katniss, always the dearest pleasure." Finnick grinned and with a quick wink, he was gone. Leaving Katniss and Peeta completely alone.

Peeta leaned forward on the couch and turned the TV and game console off then stood up, staring at her. Katniss looked at him for a moment before down at the ground, chewing on her lip. This was it. There could be no turning back now. She lifted her eyes again, staring at him, taking in the sight of him. He wore blue jeans and a gray hooded sweatshirt and his complete silence was making her slightly uncomfortable. Peeta was never one to be quiet. Especially when something was on his mind. He always talked to her about everything and anything he thought about. So, she waited another moment before turning and locking the apartment door. She shrugged out of her shoes and tried not to make it evident that Peeta's eyes on her were making her shake.

Her hands were shaking slightly but she forged on. She could do this. One night, even though it was had been late October, Peeta and her had the brilliant idea to swim in the pond they stumbled upon as they walked through the meadow by her house. He had seen her in her bra and panties before. There was no need for her to be nervous now. With her back still turned to him, her eyed focused on the door, she pulled off her green sweater and then undid the button of her jeans, pushing the pants off her legs, followed by her socks. She turned to look at Peeta, who's eyes had grown slightly larger but he still didn't move or speak. She stood there in nothing but her white cami and a pair of light orange cotton panties and she watched as his eyes raked up and down her form. At least he seemed to like what he saw.

With a sudden rush of adrenaline, and with some slight courage, Katniss walked past him and headed toward the small bedroom. She felt his eyes glued to her ass as she disappeared from his sight. She didn't even have to pray that he would follow her, because he did. She somewhat wished the light was off but long behold, it was on. She crawled onto the bed and slowed turned over, hoping she looked somewhat sexy, and laid down, resting back on her elbows, her legs stretched out in front of her. "So, I've been thinking about something."

"Obviously." He finally choked out and Katniss couldn't help but smile. He stood at the foot of the bed, his eyes now roving up her legs and Katniss subconsciously rubbed them together. He seemed to have liked that if the shaky breath he released was any indication.

"And what I've been thinking about is.. there's not reason that while you're home for a few days, you and I can't have some fun together." Katniss said then moved to sit up on her knees. She slowly crawled toward him, her hands going to the edge of his sweatshirt. She stared into his eyes, the blue orbs were so dark that they made her shiver. Peeta wanted her. She stared into his eyes and she saw it. He actually wanted her. He lifted his arms over his head, letting her remove the sweatshirt, but he stopped her when she started working on his jeans.

"What are you doing?" He asked softly as he continued to stare at her with no emotion.

She hoped she didn't seem as nervous as she felt. "Well, it's hard to fool around if you're fully clothed, Peeta."

Peeta stared at her for a long time, then shook his head. "Katniss.. you don't do stuff like this."

Katniss stared at him and felt her anger slowly replace any nervousness she felt. She scowled at him and narrowed her eyes before she reached down and pulled her cami up and over her head. Now kneeling before him in nothing but a bra and panties. "You have no idea what things I do, Peeta. You haven't been in my life for six years." She laid back down, once again propped up on her elbows. "Now, do you want to have fun while your home or do you want to stay locked up here playing videogame?"

"Why are you doing this?" Peeta asked her, trying to keep his body from reacting to seeing her practically naked. He had seen her in her bra and panties before. One night, they had gone swimming in the pond, both daring one another to see who could stand the cold water longer. He had been so distracted by a soaking wet Katniss, that he had barely even realized the water was near freezing. But seeing her like that again, in a simple pair of cotton panties and a white bra, she was the picture of innocence and sexiness at the exact same time.

Katniss stared at him, wondering what she was doing wrong. Sure, she never seduced a person before but she was laying out practically naked before him. She sat up, her eyes never leaving his, trying not to let her eyes lock on his chest of perfect arms. It was as if Michaelango had crafted him, himself. Who knew a high school art teacher could be so hot?

She shrugged and tried to act as nonchalantly as possible. "I realized that I like kissing you. Really like kissing you and I just thought that maybe we could do more of that."

He wanted to do everything and anything with her but he needed to know now how far she planned on taking this. "Just kissing?" He questioned and couldn't decide whether he was relieved or not when she shook her head.

"No, not just kissing." She admitted softly, then sighed, sitting up. "Peeta look - I just - I just want to experience things. Do things. And since I'm not the girl to just randomly hook up with some guy, I thought that maybe you would help me."

Peeta groaned. "Katniss.."

"Look, Peeta, if you don't want to do it, or if you don't want me, that's fine. Marvel has been hinting things at me for awhile and I guess I could -."

She had never seen Peeta move as quickly or gracefully as he had, but suddenly, he was bent over the bed, his fingers tangled in her hair and his lips over hers, kissing the very breath out of her. His mouth moved over hers, almost possessively, and she moaned at the delightful feeling that shot down her spine.

Peeta tried to push her her down onto the bed, guiding her slowly onto her back, but Katniss stopped him, putting her hands onto his stomach and pushed slightly. He separated his lips from hers and they stared at one another. He couldn't believe that she thought he didn't want her. Didn't she remember last night? Didn't she remember how hungry and wanting his kisses had been? Didn't she hear his words? Well, apparently, she had heard his words because she had slapped him over it. She had to of known just how much he ached for her, how much he craved her. It wasn't just her body, which was the hottest tights body he had ever seen a woman have. No, Peeta craved her. He always had and he suspected that he always would. Maybe doing these experiences, as Katniss referred to them as, wouldn't be such a bad idea. If doing this let him be close to her then he was not about to fight it.

"Take off your pants." Katniss said softly, her fingers once again going to the button of his jeans. Peeta felt all of the blood in his body travel south at just the words leaving her mouth. He tried to take them off as quickly as possible without looking like some fumbling idiot with one leg. Katniss laughed softly as she helped him and he fell onto the bed, both of them bouncing around onto the mattress slightly as he kicked them totally off. She grabbed his head and kissed him again as he tossed the jeans somewhere on the floor and then he turned his body so he could push her down again and this time, she didn't hesitate before laying down, pulling him on top of her, their lips never separating as they continued to ravish another.

Peeta sat up, kneeling above her, looking down at her face. He stared hungrily at her body, flexing his fingers slowly, fighting the urge to touch her smooth skin. His blood pumped loudly through his veins and he could feel the heat rising in him. He was already so hard, watching her lie underneath him. He had lost count of how many times he had fantasized about Katniss being in his bed, looking just as she did now: her hair spread out around her, her lips slightly swollen from his hard kisses, her cheeks flushed. He wanted to take her right then and there. He wondered how she would feel, her tight body wrapped around his hardness. He imagined her crying out in ecstasy beneath him as he thrust into her fast and hard, over and over again. He shivered at the thought of her moaning his name. He wanted nothing more than to hear her moan his name.

Feeling that Peeta had looked at her long enough, she sat up, her lips meeting his, her tongue instantly delving into his mouth, and she pushed him down until he was the one lying down and she lowered herself onto his lap, her thighs straddling his sides, and stared at him. She ran her hands down his fit body and as she did this, as she felt every inch of his chest and stomach, her fingers tracing each individually well-defined abs, Peeta ran his hands up and down her thighs, resting his palm above her panties and rubbing his thumb into her clit. She moaned, arching her back, and Peeta stared up at her, wanting to engrave this sight into his memory for all time. Katniss straddling him, her body above his, her head thrown back and her back arched. She looked so unbelievably beautiful, he never wanted to forget how she looked in that moment. A part of him thought he was dreaming. He had dreamt about things like this for so long now that a part of his brain refused to believe that this was actually real.

Katniss leaned down, fusing their mouths together, her fingers pulling on his curls and Peeta moaned into her mouth and pushed her panties aside with his hands. When they were no longer in the way, he lowered his hand again to rub her clit, already slick and soaking wet. She whimpered as he touched her and she placed light butterfly kisses on his face and his neck. He slowly inserted one finger and was surprised by how tight it was. She squeezed around his finger and he was able to feel her body throbbing around him, that's how tight she was. Katniss had hid her face in his neck and grasped on tightly to his shoulders, breathing heavily onto his skin. For a moment, he considered stopping. They were moving way too fast. He could stop. He still had enough inner strength left within him that could stop this. But then Katniss moved her hips slightly, squeezing even more around his finger and he moaned softly. He wished that instead of his finger, she was squeezing around his erection, which was now painfully hard.

"I've never.. I- I'm a virgin." she whispered, when she felt him pause.

"Good." He said, kissing her neck. He gently slipped in another finger and rolled them around inside of her, rubbing hard against her walls. She moaned right into his ear and he kissed her neck again."Does that feel okay?" He asked, still slightly worried that they were moving too fast, but the power to stop was slipping further and further away from him

Katniss lifted her head and looked down into his face. He immediately became hypnotized by her eyes and she smiled faintly, fighting for breath as she felt his fingers continue to move in and out of her, slowly picking up speed. "You make me feel so good." She told him quietly and then she leaned down and kissed him. And when he turned his fingers inside of her, reaching upward, crooking them forward and finding that bundle of nerves, Katniss sat up, sinking down on his fingers, gasping and moaning his name. He felt her release around his fingers and he closed his eyes, letting the power of her orgasm wash over him. Her body trembled above his and she sank down again on top of him, his fingers still moving in and out of her, though moving at a much slower, almost leisurely, pace. Her body still shook and he wrapped one arm around her, holding her sweaty body to his. He felt her lips pressed against his neck and he kept his eyes closed, now reveling in the feel of her lips on his skin. He turned his head and he saw the faint and familiar jagged scar on her forehead. He gently kissed it.

They were moving way too fast. But Peeta couldn't stop even if the bakery below caught on fire. Just being inside of Katniss, even if it was just with his fingers, was a heaven he thought he would never know. He'd placate her this weekend. He'd let her believe that these next few days were nothing more than two people passing the time together. But he be damned if he let her go. He already did that once and he had spent every day for the past six years regretting it. There was no way he was going to let that happen again.

* * *

_Chapter Notes_

_Thanks again for all the wonderful feedback! This is a little bit earlier than what I anticipated but I was wayy to excited to wait until Wednesday. However, work is picking up so updates are going to officially go to every Wednesday, staring if not this Wednesday, the next! Thanks of reading, please let me know what you think! Don't be shy! _

_The chapter title comes from a _Death Cab for Cutie _song. I picked it because I was reading about the song and the lead singer, Ben Gibbard was quoted telling MTV, "The song at its core is just about meeting another halfway, because life is very short, because there's only a brief period of time to really connect with people, and that it's important to recognize that." And that quote made the song just a bit more important to me and to my characterization of Peeta and Katniss._

_I wanted to relate the "Six Years Before" scene to somewhat of the cave scene. Which is one of my favorite scenes from the book._

_Madge is probably my favorite underrated character so I did want to make her somewhat of a part of the storyline. Though this story is mostly Everlark, it will show a bit of drama between Madge and Gale as they continue to progress into their relationship. _

_I couldn't have a story without Finnick either and he will show up again soon for a some very important scenes Katniss and Peeta share in the past._

_Thanks again for reading! _


	4. Four

Chapter Four - Satellite Heart

"This is the dumbest idea. Even for you, brainless." Johanna voiced as she laid sprawled out across the foot of Madge and Gale's bed, staring mindlessly at her iPhone. She looked anything but pleased, a frown downplaying her lips and her eyes narrowed at the screen of her phone.

"I don't think so." Delly chirped in, standing at the dresser with a few bobby pins captured between her teeth as she twisted her blonde locks back into an intricate styled up-do that only could mange to accomplish. Delly worked at a high fashion beauty salon, working under one of the best cosmetologists, Cinna Davis. Delly was so good, that she didn't even need a mirror to look into as she talked to her friends and placed her hair into the fancy up-do. "I think it's kinda kick-ass. I mean, Peeta definitely deserves nothing more than a kick to the groin for how he treated Katniss but she has a chance to show him what he lost and then bam!" She wove her hands in the air after finishing her hair. "She can throw him away just like he did to her but before she does that, let the girl have some fun."

"Okay, brainless the second." Johanna exclaimed as she sat up. "This is going to blow-up in her face. Don't you see that? She's going to get hurt again and I for one will not be the one watching her mope around for another six years."

"You know, just because I'm not actually in the room, doesn't mean I can't hear you!" Katniss yelled from Madge's small walk-in closet, her voice muffled by the closed door as she tried on a handful of outfits she usually wouldn't be caught dead in.

"This is going to blow-up in your face!" Johanna repeated louder toward the closet door before giving up and collapsing back onto the bed.

"Jo, you're not one to talk. Katniss is just trying to get the closure she needs while getting some hot action in. Both of which I fully and completely encourage." Madge said, entering the bedroom from the bathroom, her appearance finally deemed complete. She wore a short red dress and black stiletto pumps. Her blonde hair was pulled into a high ponytail with a few tendrils hanging down with her make-up darker than she usually did. She looked hot. She knew she did even though she had gotten herself ready in just under twenty-five minutes. After she had gotten home after volunteering at the hospital with Katniss, Madge cleaned the apartment and lounged around while she waited for Gale to return home. She was fully ready to talk to him about the whole baby situation but once they sat down for dinner, their iPhones began going off and it was decided, without Madge and Gale offering, that their apartment would be the meeting spot before they all went out and headed to The Hob together. They were going to make Katniss drink since the nurse didn't have to work tomorrow.

Though it was already nearing eleven o'clock, all of them knew that The Hob was probably just starting to pick-up. The girls were already all there, all getting ready in the bedroom, as well as Thom, sitting out in the living room with Gale as they played a quick game of Call of Duty.

Thom and Gale had be friends since elementary school. They didn't have much time to hangout unless the girl's scheduled something because Gale was constantly working with his construction business while Thom was a cook at the local and known diner, Sae's. Thom had always shown an interest in the culinary arts and though he worked long and hard at Sae's, he was still attending night classes at the community college so he could get his degree in hospitality. He was actually the one in charge of making the Thanksgiving meal for all of his friends tomorrow, as he had been for the past two years. It was a day of the year that they all looked forward to.

Delly came bouncing out from the bedroom into the living room, her blonde hair styled to perfection and her white dress looking as if it was just made for her. "You guys, Kat is really nervous about how she looks so when she comes out, tell her how hot she is."

Gale rolled his eyes, leaning forward on the couch, his thumbs hitting the video controller buttons frantically. "I'm not good with relationship advice or talking about stupid feelings." He craned his neck so his eyes could remain on the TV screen as Delly passed in front of the couch so she could sit down in the armchair. "This plan of Catnips's is pretty stupid though. Does she really think it will end the way she wants it to?"

Delly shrugged as she crossed her legs. "Yes, she does and I for one, don't think the plan is stupid. She's just having fun. Weren't we all just telling her last night that she needs to have more fun?"

Gale grunted. "Yeah, but it's Catnip." He said as he watched Thom's player jumped before his, and shoot his the animated character down. Gale let out a string of curses in a low breath, and Thom laughed. "Katniss is going to end up like my friend here." He waved toward the TV screen where the words, game over, flashed before them.

Delly rolled her eyes. "Katniss is a grown woman, Gale James Hawthorne. And she happens to be a hot woman, so she is going to use what she's got."

Gale grimaced as he tossed his controller onto the small coffee table before him. Katniss had been his friend since they were no younger that five years old. Sure, Madge had his heart but so did Katniss. He always looked after her. Thinking of Katniss using Peeta Mellark for pure sexual gratification was something that disturbed Gale more than anything else. He didn't want to think of his friend that way. Ever.

Gale, stood up, stretched his arms above his head and groaned at the feeling of his muscles stretching out. He really didn't feel like going out. Work had be brutal and he only wanted to lay in bed with Madge and watch a shitty romance movie. And then, Madge came down the hallway into the living room from their bedroom, and he saw what she was wearing, making him really wish they were staying home. He saw the way she was smiling and picked up that she was more than excited to go out tonight.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you the girl on fire, Katniss Everdeen!" Madge jumped up with enthusiasm as she clapped her hands and stepped aside as Katniss, with Johanna right behind her, entered the living room, looking more nervous and unsure of herself than usual. For a moment, no one muttered a single word. They didn't even appear to be breathing. Katniss wore a blue jean miniskirt and a white lace-trimmed tank top with black high-heels. Her long brown hair hung down her back in soft waves with a few pieces pinned back and there was just the right amount of make-up on her face. Her eyes were covered in a dark eyeshadow with her lashes long, and she had a touch of lipstick on her lips. She looked stunning.

"Holy shit." Thom breathed, staring at her.

Delly laughed as she stood up and Madge jumped again before putting an arm around Katniss' shoulders. "See! I told you that you looked hot!" She was beaming. "Peeta will not know what hit him tonight."

Johanna stared at the group before she tugged Katniss a bit to the side. Everyone was getting excited and Thom offered to make everyone a shot before they left. "Katniss, please be careful."

Katniss stared at Johanna's concerned face and swallowed her nerves. "He won't hurt me again, I won't let him. I promise."

Johanna stared at her with a look that couldn't quite be placed. She brought her hands to grasped Katniss' shoulders so the brunette would be held in a soft lock. "He's very dreamy, but he's not the sun." Johanna paused for a brief second as she tried to mentally block the image of Katniss crying on her bedroom floor all those years ago. It haunted her but she wouldn't tell anyone that. "You are."

Katniss only managed to nod her head.

…

_Six Years Before_

Peeta stood with his feet placed firmly in the hard grass of the meadow. His hands were cold but he was no where near ready to go home yet. He would stay out here for as long as he could. The meadow may have been cold but it was peaceful. He closed his eyes for a moment as he breathed in the cold air and reveled in the silence that surrounded him. Classes had ended that day. He had only had a morning exam so when he had finished, he had finally become free. Katniss, on the other hand, had exams almost all day so she was probably still at school. He had said that he would wait for her but she didn't want him to do that. She said there was no point in him hanging around the school for longer than he had. She promised to call him when she was done so they could meet somewhere and exchange Christmas presents. He was really excited about the present he had gotten for her. He had never bought someone a present with this much thought and anticipation before.

He opened his eyes and spotted a deer through a small opening of the woods. He watched in amazement as the deer continued to stare at him without fear or hesitation. For a brief moment, he found himself jealous of the animal. The deer was free. The deer wasn't told it wasn't good enough. The deer wasn't told that it was a waste of space.

The deer was everything he wanted to be.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

He turned his head and wasn't at all surprised at who was standing next to him. However, after his initial happiness wore off, he stared at her. "Why didn't you call me?"

Katniss shook her head but kept her eyes trained on the deer. "I tried calling you."

Peeta frowned, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his cellphone. "No you haven't." He pressed the power button, only to see that it was dead. "Oh." He looked up. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

Katniss shook her head with a small smile. "Found you anyway, didn't I?"

He stared at her for a moment and was consumed with the beauty that was radiating off of her. Her cheeks were flushed by the cold and her hair was in the familiar braid that was strung over her shoulder. She did find him. Not that it would have been that hard for her. Once she showed him this spot a few weeks ago, he hadn't been able to forget about it. Whenever he needed an escape, he would come out here and just sit. Sometimes he would draw but more often than not, he would just enjoy the tranquility that filled him as he sat in the large space. "You always find me." He answered her after realizing he had been silent for a handful of minutes. He sighed, and reached over for her, only to place his forehead against her temple. They stood like that for a few minutes, his hands on her hips and his forehead along hers. Katniss smiled, her eyes closing as she felt his lips brush across her head though if it was any lighter than he did, she wondered if she would even be able to feel it.

"I have something for you." Katniss said, titling her head up and smiling at him at she reached into her messenger bag. Over the past few days, they had gotten more affectionate for another. It wasn't really flirting in her opinion since it seemed as natural as falling asleep. "Now, since you're abandoning me for the holidays, I don't think you actually deserve this but what the hell." She teased with a smile that she rarely ever showed. It made his heart beat quickly as she placed the neatly wrapped box into his hands. "Okay, it's not the greatest thing ever and I had to use most of my money to buy presents for Prim-."

"Katniss." Peeta interrupted her softly with a gentle smile. "It's great."

Katniss nodded her head and without a second thought, grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the fallen log a few yards away from them. She sat down first, with her legs straddling the log and he mimicked her position. They were so close. Katniss gave him a nervous smile and Peeta held the package to his ear, shaking it and hearing something move inside the neat wrapping.

He quickly ripped at the green wrapping paper and was welcomed with a fresh new set of pastels. They were all the colors of sunset. This was the first gift anyone had gotten him that they actually thought through. His father would give him a gas card with a pat on the back and his mother would merely stare at him as she handed him a new sweater.

He couldn't believe it. He ran his fingers over the box and smiled. He opened the small box and ran his fingers over the new pastels and almost sighed at the touch. He looked up then, and stared at her for a moment, practically having to use all of his inner strength so he wouldn't kiss her because right then, he wanted to kiss her more than anything. Instead, he placed his hand on her thigh and rubbed it. "Thank you." He whispered as he looked back at the box. "This is the best gift I've ever gotten."

Katniss blushed and without thinking, reached over and kissed his cheek, putting a hand on the back of his neck. She smiled at him and his eyes locked with hers. Both fell completely still as they stared at one another. Just a few more inches forward and his lips would be touching hers. But he didn't move and neither did she.

"Merry Christmas, Peeta."

"Merry Christmas, Katniss." He said then reaching into his coat pocket, pulling out a small square jewelry box. He kept his eyes on hers and watched as she stared at the box in his hands. He gently reached for one of her hands and placed the box into her palm, as he closed her fingers around it.

"What is it?" Katniss asked, and Peeta let out a nervous laugh, not answering. She glanced down at the box and took a deep breath as she pried it open. Inside laid a small silver chain necklace that held a pearl right in the center. She looked up at Peeta, seeing how nervous he looked, before she looked back at the necklace again, pulling it gently from the box and holding it before her face. "Peeta.. this is way too much."

Peeta reached up and scratched the back of his neck. "You're worth all those extra hours at the bakery, I guess." He tried to laugh at the end but it failed him. She was still staring at the necklace in disbelief. "Prim helped me pick it out. Well, she came with me but once I saw it, I knew it had to be yours."

Katniss tore her eyes away from the necklace and then up at Peeta. She threw her arms around his neck, her sudden weight against his body almost causing him to fall of the log.

"Thank you. I love it. I- I can't believe I'm accepting this but I love it." She whispered and he closed his eyes, holding her tightly against him. He held her for a few minutes before he pulled back. He reached for the necklace still wrapped up in her hands and gently held it between his fingers. He unlatched it and held it up to her neck. Katniss leaned a bit forward so he could secure it behind her.

He pulled away and smiled as the smile pearl hung from around her neck. "Perfect fit."

Katniss looked down and then turned her attention back toward him. She knew he was talking about the necklace but as she repeated the words back to him, she wasn't thinking about the necklace at all. "So, when will I see you again?"

Peeta smiled at her. "New Years Day. Right on the dot."

Katniss smiled as she felt his tuck a piece of hair that had fallen out of her braid, behind her ear. "I'll see you at midnight."

…

_Six Years Later _

"Thresh and Marvel called and they said that they're going to meet us there." Johanna informed everyone as they all grabbed their coats so they wouldn't stand around waiting for them to show up. Both Thresh and Marvel worked as Police Officers in Panem. They worked hellish hours but they loved what they did. They loved protecting the people they cared about and bringing other people justice.

"Yay! Time to get our dancing on!" Delly exclaimed happily, grabbing Thom's and Johanna's hands, pulling them away from the apartment. "And for Katniss, it's booty time!" Katniss laughed for once, feeling extremely giddy and girly in her outfit as she followed her friends out the door.

Before Madge could leave though, she felt a tug on her arm and she smiled as she turned and saw her boyfriend staring at her. "Remember what I said this morning."

Gale shook his head and smirked slightly as he turned her body toward his. He slid his hands around her hips and smiled at the feel of her. "Can I just kiss my girlfriend for a second?"

Madge smiled up at him as she looped her arms around his neck. "I think that would be alright."

He leaned down and kissed her softly before pulling away with a smile, grabbing her hands and pulling her from the apartment. The last think he wanted to do was go to some club but if it made Madge happy, it made him happy, too.

When they arrived, The Hob was almost packed to near capacity but they still managed to find Marvel and Thresh at their usual table, both of them sipping slowly on their beers. The music was pumping, the bass slamming into their ears and onto the tables, causing the bottles to slightly shake. Katniss scanned the crowd for Peeta. Although she was wearing heels, it was still difficult for her to see over everyone. She had seen him less than five hours earlier and her body already was humming in anticipation of seeing him again. When she thought of what he had done, of where his fingers had been and what they had made her do, she blushed. Which was something she hadn't felt her face do in a long time. She never felt anything like that before and she couldn't wait until she felt it again. But she had to play it cool. She couldn't act like she craved his touch. She had to act as if his hands on her didn't drive her to the brink of insanity or make her feel as if she was literally on fire.

She gasped, jumping slightly when someone behind her suddenly snatched her had and tugged her backwards. She instantly relaxed though upon feeling the familiar soft hand wrapped around hers. She followed Peeta as he guided her along toward the back wall of The Hob, leading her further and further away from and friends and everyone else. Her heart hammered in her chest, wondering where he was taking her. She usually never let anyone have the upper hand and she knew she should't let him but she did anyway. He jerked her into a darkened corner and she had no time to even mutter a remark because his lips were suddenly covering hers. His lips tugged on hers and she opened them for him with a moan. She lifted her arms up and wrapped them around his neck, as Peeta's hands went to her ass, pulling her hard against him.

The music around them shifted into a remix of Talk Dirty To Me by Jason Derulo and Katniss pulled her lips away from his, smiling as he leaned forward, trying to capture them again. His eyes were so dark and she automatically flashed back to the five hours they spent together before. He wanted her again. He couldn't fake a look like that. Her plan seemed to be working so far. She shook her head slightly, putting her hands on his chest to keep him from moving back toward her. If he did that, she would loose her resolve.

She turned around and pressed her back against his chest, his hands immediately went to her hips and she began swaying them back and forth to the music. She began to dance, rubbing her body as best she could against his. Though she had no idea what she was doing, she heard him groan. She could feel him getting harder and she rubbed her back down the length of his front, rising slowly back up, her eyes shutting as she felt his hands push her shirt up slightly and feel the bare skin of her stomach.

One of her hands moved back between their bodies, her hips grinding against his, and she cupped his erection through his jeans making him practically hiss into her ear. She smiled, rubbing him more through the fabric. She could hear his heavy breathing, his growing excitement. She, Katniss Everdeen, was playing and teasing with Peeta Mellark. She would have laughed if she, herself, wasn't getting so hot and bothered at the fact.

"You're so fucking hot." Peeta whispered lowly into her ear and she shivered. "Do you have any idea how badly I want to fuck you?"

Katniss bit her bottom lip as he moved his hands further up her shirt, his fingers brushing across her breasts and she arched her back slightly off of his chest. She could practically see Peeta smiling as one of his hands fully cupped one of her breasts and she was so beyond grateful that the corner they were in was almost black, hiding them from the reality beside them.

Peeta pressed his lips to the side of her throat, sucking on a patch of skin as his fingers squeezed her breast again. Katniss grinded harder against him, her ass rubbing against his crotch and he bit down on the side of her neck.

She spun around suddenly, and crashed her lips against his. That hunger she felt last time they kissed at The Hob had returned and she sure as hell showed him as she kissed him harder. Peeta grabbed her ass again, yanking her body against his, his tongue entering her mouth and one of his hands went to the back of her head as his tongue tangled with hers. Katniss's arms tightened around his neck, feeling as if she would float away if she didn't hold onto him. Her body was on fire, so much that it was aching. She and to do something to relieve it all. She felt as if she was going insane. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't move. Peeta was surrounding her and completely consuming her. She grinder against him again and Peeta could no longer take her doing that. He spun her around, quacking pinning her against the wall, his body pressing hard into hers.

Peeta began to rub against her and the pressure between her legs intensified. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. She may have been a virgin but right then, she was more than willing to let Peeta take her. Her body felt as if it might explode if he didn't. She kept her eyes closed, trying to hang onto the burst of pleasure every time his erection hit her crotch just right. He slowed down against her, his chest pressed against hers and his forehead pushing against her temple so both could gasp for breath. Each time Peeta ground at her clit, Katniss felt as if she was about to fall over. Peeta's lips met hers again and she lifted up her leg and tightened it up and around his waist. She could no longer hear anything except for his breathing in her ear. He reached down and pushed her skirt up. He pressed the heel of his hand right where she wanted the pressure most. with a cry, she arched up. He kept kissing her and rubbing with his palm in a circular motion. She was losing it. She was so close. She was practically moaning his name as a mantra, and he moved his mouth down to her neck and then her collarbone, sucking on the skin over it. That was just what she needed. She arched, biting on her lower lip as she came, her legs clamping shut, trapping his hand between them. Her body convulsed out of control as she felt a sense of relief rush across her body.

As the fog in her mind cleared, the first thing she felt was his lips planting soft kisses along her neck. She peeled her eyes open and she saw him with a faint smile across his lips. She lifted a shaky hand to his cheek and brought her lips toward his softly. His hand let go of her knee and Katniss felt like she was about to fall over but Peeta held her up, one arm around her waist while the other held the back of her neck. She kissed him slowly again as she pulled her skirt down, then straightened her shirt.

She swallowed and looked up at him as she pulled away. She glanced back down this jeans and felt her face turn red. "You're.. you're still hard."

He shrugged and smiled at her lazily. "It's okay. This is about you, Katniss."

"No, it's about both of us." She reached down and grabbed his hand, maneuvering away from the wall and pulled him with her, leading him toward the exit.

Her stomach was racing and her skin was sweaty. She felt like she was about to have a heart attack. Being around Peeta again had caused her body to temporally stop communicating with her brain. Six years apart didn't diminish what he did to her. She loved Peeta but at the same time, she hated him because of that fact. She wanted to forget about the boy with the bread. She wanted to have these next few days so she could have a clean and clear break. She needed to move on.

Being in love with someone, accepting it fully or not, was not healthy. It caused her to feel like she was living in someone else's body. Being in love with Peeta was like being in love with someone who had their hands wrapped around your neck, and hoping to God, they wouldn't squeeze. Peeta would destroy her, mostly because he already had. She didn't date, she barely made new friends, all because Peeta was always in the back of her head. For six years, he was always on her mind. And that had to end. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't stand the concerned looks from Madge or Gale any longer. Being in love with Peeta Mellark was like a bomb waiting to go off.

Pushing through the exit door, the wound up in the back alley behind The Hob. Peeta smiled, slipping his hands onto her cheeks and she felt herself slowly start to loose control once again. This is why she needed to move on. One look from those blue eyes of his and she was a goner.

He walked backward, his hands remaining on her cheeks, until his back was resting against the brick wall of the alley. She stood in front of him, her hands on his hips, their lips only centimeters apart.

Then, his smile faded. "Katniss, I have to tell you something."

He knew he had agreed to this arrangement of hers and he was loving it. He loved being close to Katniss and he would do whatever it took to be close to her. He loved feeling her against him, her body pressed to his, her lips on his. He loved watching her as her body exploded with pleasure and he felt pride in knowing that he was the guy that did it to her. These were things he had wanted for so long and now that he finally had her, he wasn't about to lose it. But he wanted so much more. He leaned forward and kissed her, one of his hands sliding onto the back of her head, pulling her closer. Her hands came to a rest on his chest, her mouth moving slowly against his.

"Katniss, I lov-"

Katniss covered his mouth quickly with her hand. "No. God. No, Peeta. Please." She said quickly as her eyes frantically looked into his. "That will - it will ruin everything."

Peeta frowned. "Ruin what?"

Katniss felt her pulse quicken again. "Please, Peeta. I don't want to hear that. Not now." She hesitated. "Not ever."

"Katniss-."

"Can't we just.. just stay like this? Please. This arrangement. I - I want to keep this going." She paused again. "Too much time has passed, Peeta. We don't even know each other anymore to feel that way."

Peeta stared at her, swallowing the lump in his throat. She was right. He didn't have the right to say words like that to her, not after what he did. He had to show her. He had to make sure that she knew just how much he felt for her. He knew it would take time but he also knew that he wouldn't give up until she believed him without a doubt.

Katniss tried to plaster on a smile but it failed her. However, her hands went to the button of his jeans, undoing it before lowering the zipper. "Now, let me do something for you."

* * *

_Chapter Notes_

_Happy Wednesday! Thanks again for all the responses, they make my day! _

_The chapter title comes from _Anya Marina_. A friend of mine just recommend it as I told her about this story, and I feel it was the perfect fit! If you __haven't heard it, I highly recommend._

_The quote Johanna tells Katniss about her being the sun, was stolen from Grey's Anatomy (my guilty pleasure). _

_The, pearl and the "meet you at midnight", were both taken from Catching Fire, but tweaked a bit for the sake of fiction._

_The song that plays in The Hob while Katniss and Peeta dance is Talk Dirty To Me by Jason Derulo. _

_I can't wait to hear from you all and your thoughts about the "arrangement" between Katniss and Peeta. See you all next Wednesday! _


	5. Five

**A/N: The following chapter may be a trigger for some. If suicide attempts upset you, or are to much for you, please skip the **_Six Years Before_** section. Feel free to message me if needed.**

* * *

Chapter Five - For Blue Skies

Peeta hadn't pulled an all nighter since college. His mind was running in a thousand different directions, plagued with thoughts and memories that couldn't go away. And like the past six years, all those thoughts were about Katniss. Some of the memories he drafted in his mind made him question whether they were real or not. She haunted him. In the six years they had been apart, there wasn't a day that had gone by when he didn't think about her, when he didn't wonder what she was doing or if she was married or if she was happy. No matter what, Katniss was always with him. There had been so many times over the past six years where he had pulled on his cell phone and was in the middle of dialing her number just to hear her voice. Just to feel the calm that rubbed off at him through her mumbled tone. She was the only person he had ever opened up with, though she might not even think he did. He wondered if whenever she learned the truth, if she learned the truth, if she would think she even knew him at all.

He had almost told her that he loved her last night but she stopped him. She hadn't wanted to hear it and he didn't even know why he so desperately wanted to tell her. She thought that him saying those three words would ruin everything. And it would ruin the arrangement she thought of between them but he could have cared less about the stupid arrangement. He loved being close to Katniss but he wanted more. So much more. He wanted her. He wanted to be able to tell her that he loved her and that he wanted to be with her. He wanted to be able to knock down whatever wall she build around herself from him. He wanted it to be like it used to be. He wanted her fully to the point that she was be consuming him. He wanted his best friend, his girl, his lover.

It was Thanksgiving and having the awkward dinner with his family had been enough for him. His mother sat across from him without ever taking her fingers off of her wine glass and his father remained silent, as usual. When Rye walked in with his fiancé, Peeta felt so claustrophobic. The air around him seemed to vanish as he watched his mother glare at his brother and leave the table without more than a word exchanged. The rest of the dinner was finished in silence but Peeta couldn't find it in him to eat a single thing after that. He spoke a few words with his brothers and laughed at his nieces but nothing more. The rest of him felt empty and dull.

After helping clear up the table, Peeta said his goodbyes and walked the few blocks toward the bakery. He walked into the apartment and sighed as he plopped himself down on the edge of the bed. His feet remained flat on the floor, his eyes fixated on the window that lead out toward the fire escape. It was still light out but it was an overcast day. It was probably going to rain later on. The weather, like on most of his gloomy days, matched his mood. He knew he had messed things up with Katniss. He never denied that. He took full responsibility for the ache and hurt they both had been through. And he knew he had to fix everything. He had to tell her. But that scared him. Katniss was hesitant enough. She was just as scared, if not more, than him. She was letting herself get close to him and he couldn't be mad at her about that. They rarely spoke to one another. All she seemed to want to do was kiss him and continue with her experiments, again, not that he didn't like all the kissing and touching. But he wanted them to talk. He wasn't sure how to even begin saying all of the things he needed to but he knew he had to start somewhere. And sooner rather than later.

She said that they didn't know each other anymore to feel anything for one another but Peeta knew her. And despite a few things he kept to himself, Katniss knew him better than anyone else did. They may have been apart for six years but what Katniss and him had between them, that didn't just go away. He didn't doubt that they hadn't changed but even with her changing, he still knew her like the back of his hand.

Standing up, he went to the window and looked out at the view below him. The buildings around him didn't look as dull as they usually did. The leaves on the trees were aflame with colors, brilliant shades of reds, oranges and yellows, some floating around and fluttering toward the side walk.

_"__What's your favorite time of the year?" Katniss asked, lying contently on the soft cold ground of the meadow. _

_Peeta turned on his side so he could look at her. Her hair was in the familiar braid and for once, there was a smile on her face. He itched to touch her. He turned and laid flatly on his back. "I don't know. Summer - no, spring. Definitely spring. Everything starts over, you know? Like, everything survives the harsh winter and I just -." He pauses and eventually leaves the words unsaid. He could feel her eyes on him but he doesn't turn to look at her. He wants to talk to her about everything he feels but he just can't. He can't voice anything aloud. "What about you? What's your favorite time of the year?"_

_"__Fall." Katniss answers as she lays flatly on her back as well. She takes in a deep breath and exhales just as loudly. "Everything is just so -." She pauses as she clasps her hands before her. "It reminds me of my dad. And the colors are my favorite. Especially the green."_

It was such a random memory but whenever he saw the colors of fall, he thought of Katniss.

Peeta needed to just get out of the room. He needed to clear his head. The apartment was quiet and the silence kept reminding him how alone he was. It was a little after five o'clock and even though he was running on no sleep, his body was still humming and his brain wouldn't turn off. He needed to run as he always did when he had too much mulling over in his mind. When he was in college, he took up the habit of running almost five miles a day. It was his way of escaping the stress of school and all those horrible thoughts that made their way into his head. He didn't even run in high school, well, not until his therapist had recommended it. Those five miles made him feel like he was flying. Those six miles made him feel free, and he relished that feeling.

After changing out of his dress pants and button down into a pair of sweatpants and an under armor shirt, Peeta left the lonely apartment as quickly as he made his way into it.

He ran for what felt like forever until every breath made his lungs burn as if they were on fire. He hadn't kept track of the miles he ran but he knew it had been far more than six. If he could, he would pull a Forrest Gump and run for years. Unfortunately, the six plus miles he just ran, did nothing that Peeta had hoped it would. his mind was still a jumbled mess of thoughts and he was giving himself a headache trying to sort it all out. Yesterday, Katniss had set up their arrangement and last night at The Hob, in that alleyway when she told him that she wanted to keep their arrangement as it was, and her hands had gone down his pants and she squeezed and stroked him until he felt like he was going to pass out, it had felt like he was having an out of body experience that crazy ladies talk about on Lifetime channels. He wanted Katniss and now he had her. But this wasn't the way he imagined it. He hadn't imagined being with her like this. He hadn't imagined still being afraid to attempt the truth to the person who knew him better than anyone else.

Deciding that he didn't feel like passing out from total dehydration, Peeta jogged in the direction of the small convenience store near the high school that he used to frequently go to. The sliding doors silently opened and nodding politely to the store clerk behind the counter, who looked less than thrilled to still be working on a holiday, Peeta went to the back wall where the line of drink coolers were. He opened one of the doors, grabbing a Cool Blue flavored Gatorade then looked through the glass when he heard someone laughing.

"Still refusing another flavor I see." Katniss teased, turning that smile of hers that she rarely showed, to him.

Peeta stared at her for a moment, completely speechless. For a moment, he tried to think of why she would be there but Panem was a small town and she probably lived close to the small store. He closed the cooler door and looked at her. Her hair was in the familiar braid and she wore blue jeans and a thick over-sized black turtleneck sweater that he recognized immediately as one she had had for years. It had been her father's and when he passed, Katniss wore the sweater and his hunting jacket whenever she could. She looked perfect and he found himself smiling. When she was dressed as Seductress Katniss the night before at The Hob, he had been turned on. She had accomplished in getting him hot and definitely horny. But this was the Katniss that took his breath away. This was his Katniss.

He found it in himself to smile, holding up the bottle of Gatorade. "You know me." It was onle after he said it did he realize how stupid the words had been. A flash of hurt passed across her eyes but if he hadn't been looking at her, he wouldn't have seen it. He let out a small awkward cough. "What are you doing here on Thanksgiving?"

Katniss shrugged, holding up holding up a bag of chips and a sandwich for him to see. "I got called in this morning and this is pathetically my Thanksgiving meal and since I love Fall so much, I walked to work so this was just on my way home."

"I thought you had the day off?"

Katniss shrugged again. "I did but the holiday season takes no breaks. You have no idea how many people end up losing a finger over cutting a turkey."

Peeta scrunched up his face. "I don't think I want to know."

Katniss let out a small laugh and casted her eyes down before she moved around him to get into another cooler where she pulled out a sweet tea. She discovered that she couldn't look at him for long periods of time when she realized that just a few hours earlier, he had her pinned against a wall in The Hob and she was more than willing to let him. She could feel her face flush as she thought about it. And then, out back in the alley, she had acted like a girl she thought she could never be. She had been bold and forward, putting her hands down his jeans, stroking him and making him feel as good as he made her feel. She couldn't believe any of that had actually happened last night. Katniss never thought that she would have something like that in her. She didn't have sexual experience. She didn't know how to touch guys or how to liked to be touched. But when she was surrounding in the warmth of Peeta Mellark, it all became a blur. Nothing existed when she was around him.

Peeta consumed her more than she was willing to admit. She couldn't think clearly when he was around. She felt like every joint in her body was igniting and that her veins were pumping stronger than blood. She needed to get her act together. She was supposed to be getting over him.

"So, do you feel better?" She asked, closing the cooler door with the sweat tea in her hand. He was still standing where she left him, waiting for her. People said that she hadn't changed that much since high school but she had to say the same thing about Peeta. He was a bit taller, more broader but still somewhat lean, his blue eyes still as deep and hard to read as ever. The only difference was that his hair wasn't as unruly. She couldn't count on her hands the amount of times she would ruffle up his hair or push it out of his eyes in high school. When he didn't answer her question and gave her a puppy like confused look, she smiled and pointed at his clothes. "You were running. And from the looks of it, a long one at that."

Peeta glanced down at his clothes. "Yeah, I'm feeling better now." Because you're here, he wanted to add but he didn't.

Katniss nodded but she didn't believe for a second that that was true. She moved past him to go up to the front to pay for her pathetic attempt of a meal but as she slid the items onto eh counter, Peeta maneuvered in front of her and handed the clerk some money before Katniss could even open her mouth to argue. She simple glared at him when he turned back around, handing her a plastic blue bag with her purchases and Peeta grinned at her innocently. She wasn't surpsied in the least when he followed her out the store, easily falling into step with her, taking drinks from his Gatorade bottle.

"Do you live around here?"

She spun on her white Ked heel as she stood before him on the cracked sidewalk in front of the store. "Ugh, yeah. Victor's Village Apartments." She pointed down the road as she clutched the bag.

"Do you care if I walk you? I don't want you walking back alone."

She stared at him for a moment before she felt herself nodding. She fell in step with him as she headed in the direction of her apartment. The were silent for a few moments but surprisingly, she found herself striking up the conversation. "How was your day? Did everything go alright with your mom and Rye?"

"It went as planned. If not worse." Peeta replied with a small scowl. He went into the quick story of the infamous Mellark dinner and how his mother walked away without a word. "So, if she hasn't let her opinion out yet, I'm sure it will happen while the day is still young. I almost offered him the apartment but I didn't want to be the one in the way of her wrath."

Katniss surprised them both when she reached over and took his free hand in hers, holding it gently in her small palm. When she tried to pull it back, Peeta gripped it as if his life depended on it. They walked in silence for a few minutes, their hands still connected and Katniss felt his hand slowly intertwine with hers.

"Remember Rye's birthday our senior year when your grandparents came and there was a family dinner?" Katniss asked and Peeta nodded. "And you asked me to come with you so you wouldn't have to face them alone?"

Again, Peeta nodded. "My grandma and my mom were riding my ass about what college to pick and when everyone started arguing about my future, you threw an apple across the room." Peeta cracked a grin at that memory - the amusement on his grandfather's and brothers faces, the smirk from his father. Everyone except for his mother and grandma adorned Katniss and Peeta had beamed with pride that he was the one who had brought her, that she was there with him.

Katniss shook her head at the memory. "I'll never understand why people put apples in pig's mouths." She shrugged. "Anyway, when you walked me home afterwards, do you remember what I told you?"

"Yeah." He responded without a second thought. "I was feeling down and confused and you told me-."

"Don't let them change you."

There was a silence after that. Because even though she spoke those words, and although she didn't know what caused him to leave her six years ago, they did in a way, take him from her. God, if he could take back everything that was going through his head six years ago, he would without a second thought.

Peeta stared down at her and all he wanted to do was kiss her or merely wrap himself up in her embrace. Even six years later, even after all of the shit he put her through, she could still make him feel as if he was on top of the world with a few simple words. Katniss rarely gave a genuine smile for people, so when she did, you knew you did something to deserve it.

"So, just don't let them. You're you, Peeta. Not your brothers. Not your mom. You." She said and Peeta felt himself nodding his head as his gaze left her face toward her lips.

She noticed where his attention went and subconsciously licked her lips. She don't mean to tease him. It was just at the mere idea of Peeta kissing her, she got weak in the knees, her stomach fluttered like wild birds and her lips drew dry. There had been so many times in high school when she had caught him staring at her lips but nothing had ever come of it, and now, with their arrangement, he technically could kiss her whenever he wanted to. She wanted him to.

She squeezed his hand that was still interlocked with her own and walk the rest of the way toward her apartment in silence. Once they got before the small complex, she didn't think before she guided him up the brick path toward her door, only letting go of his hands when she needed to pull her key out from her pocket. Peeta stood, watching her, becoming so still, it was as if he had been shocked still. Katniss pushed the key into the lock but she was stopped when Peeta grabbed her hand again, turning around so she was facing him. The wind was picking up in strong gusts and she was grateful that her hair was pulled into a braid or else it would be all in her face. Thunder rumbled low in the distance and the first of the rains began to fall, pattering softly, lightly, on the small porch awning above their heads. Peeta continued staring at Katniss.

"Did you ever think of me?" He asked her so softly that if she wasn't looking at him, she would have missed it.

Katniss stared at him in return and between the coolness in the air and the intensity of his eyes focused on her, she shivered. Did she ever think of him? She hadn't been able to do most things without having him in the back of her mind. She had kissed a few men since him, and instantly knew that they weren't who she wanted. She would almost find herself talking about him to her patients when they brought up a band he liked or if a laugh down the hall sounded as deep and full of hope as his did. She still had pictures of them together despite constantly telling herself that she needed to get rid of all of them. She couldn't though. When he stopped talking to her, she had never experienced that kind of pain before. The kind of pain that person left you with when they left only for their own mere benefit. She knew she wouldn't be able to handle that kind of pain again. She wanted to be as far away from him but she always wanted to be so close that she wouldn't know where he ended and she began.

The amount of power her had over her still, was terrifying.

Katniss could not look away from the deep blue of his eyes as she nodded her head. "Everyday." She whispered softly yet firmly so there was no room left for wrong interpretations.

Peeta moved quickly. He dropped the bottle of Gatorade, neither notching it as it fell to the ground with a heavy thunk, and his hands cradled her cheeks, tugging her face towards him, tilting it up so his lips could collide with hers. Katniss felt her eyes instantly close as she felt his mouth over hers, his lips moving over hers, his tongue tracing her bottom lip, coaxing her mouth to open to him. Her hand not holding the plastic bag covered one of his for a moment before she stepped forward, her chest brushing against his, her hand resting on his hip. She tilted her head slightly to the side and Peeta took in the invitation, kissing her deeply, his tongue slowly entering her mouth, touching his. Katniss pushed herself up on her toes, moaning softly as his tongue massaged hers. She was feeling lightheaded and she had to lie down. But she didn't want Peeta to stop kissing her once she laid down. She wanted him. She wanted all of him. She wanted his weight on top of her, every inch of his skin touching ever part of hers. She wanted him more than she ever wanted anything before. She wanted him all over and inside of her.

She had to know though, before she gave herself to him. As much as it paired her, she wretched her lips away from his, both breathing heavily. His hands remained on her cheeks, his thumbs caressing her skin. "And did you?" Her voice was hoarse and soft. "Did you ever think of me?"

"Always."

…

_Six Years Before _

His hands were shaking and the moon was streaming through the window directly onto his face. He clenched his eyes shut. He needed to calm down. He needed to relax. He could picture the voices in his head taunting him. His mother telling him that he was a failure, that he was weak, that he was an excuse for a human being and that he was nothing more than a mutt they picked up off the road.

Her words always stung but never like this. The way she smacked him in front of his family, and all of them remained still. All of them didn't say a single world. His father looked down at his plate, his brothers looked at each other and his grandparents looking at him like he deserved it. Maybe he did deserve it. After getting put in his place, he walked away from the table and into his grandparents guest bedroom. Before sitting down on the bed, he reached into his bag and got the tablets of sleeping pills he had collected over the past six months from his mother's prescription. It took him over six months to collect fifteen little blue tablets. As he rattled the them in the small bag he had put them in, he thought about how much easier his life would be. No more pain. No more suffering. No more wanting to just end his life because he already would. No one would miss him. His mother made that clear. His father would continue to run the bakery. His brothers would start family's, his friends would go away to college. Katniss would -

Katniss.

Her name dumped on him like a bucket of ice cold water. Katniss. Oh shit, Katniss. He sat on the edge of the bed as he held the bag up toward his forehead, he wasn't sure if he was crying or not. He was in love with Katniss and here he was, wanting to end his own life and leave her. How could he do that to her? How could he do this to the girl he loved? He loved Katniss. He never doubted that. He had never felt what he felt for a person before. And although she made him feel things, made him feel important, it didn't stop the feelings he had or the voices circling around in his head. She had so many trust issues, she feared people would live her like her father did. And here he was, planning to leave her forever but that's who he was. He was nothing.

He felt sick. He stood up and walked around the small room with uneven breaths. He could hear his family down below but it didn't matter. All that was planning in his head was Katniss. Katniss singing under her breath. Katniss laughing softly in his ear. Katniss whispering to him that she was so happy she found him.

He was crying more and he knew if his mother walked in, she would tell him how pathetic he was being. How she never wanted him. He let out a silent scream as he brought his fist to his mouth. His other hand clutched onto the pills. And as if she knew, his phone in his pocket began to ring. Even before he looked down at the caller ID, he knew who it was. He just knew. He didn't know how he would be able to talk to her. But he needed something to distract him. Something that would take him away from his place. Away from himself. He sniffled and cleared his throat as he sat down at the foot of the bed, leaning forward, holding the hand with the pills to his forehead and the other with the phone, toward his ear.

"Finally! Your grandparents literally live in no man's land. All my calls kept dropping." Katniss chirped with a bit of an annoyed sigh.

Peeta opened his mouth to speak but found his throat dry from crying. "Katniss?" He finally managed to choke out. He could barely talk to her. The guilt was making him feel nauseous. He shouldn't have answered the phone.

"Yeah…Are you okay?" She asked, her voice instantly growing stronger and full of concern. "Did I - shit did I wake you up? I forgot about the time difference there. It's what, almost two in the morning there?"

It was really that late already? How long had he been alone in his room? He glanced at the clock beside the bed and was rewarded with a bright red, two-thirteen. "Uh, yeah." He said, trying to hold back the sob in his throat. "Sorry I haven't called you - it's just-." He couldn't finish the sentence.

"Don't worry about it. I was lucky the call even went through." Her voice was still showing a slight hint of concern. "I just wanted to make sure that you were doing okay."

Peeta closed his eyes. Why did she have to be so concerned for him? "I'm doing-." He brought the hand holding the pills to his forehead, down into his lap. "I'm doing okay." He managed to choke out as he closed his palms tightly.

"Are you sure? I'm worried about you." Katniss asked softly and Peeta could hear that she meant the words she spoke. She shouldn't worry about him. He nothing but a pathetic excuse of a human being. She deserved better. She deserved the sun and the moon and everything in between.

"Don't be." He said then cleared his throat. "I'm fine."

"Alright." She paused and breathed heavily into the phone. "I miss you."

"I-I miss you too." He choked out as he listened to her breathe on the other side of the phone.

"I can't wait until you get home." She admitted with a small laugh. "If I have to be the third wheel to Delly and Thresh again, I might punch myself." She cleared her throat. "I also.. I have something I want to talk to you about. I keep mulling it over in my head, which you know I always do, but I want no, I need to tell you."

"So tell me now." He needed to hear whatever it was she wanted to tell him before this phone call ended. He didn't know if he would hear her voice again.

"Nope! I said I'd meet you at midnight on New Years Even, so I'll tell you then." He remained silent and he could hear the nerves she felt as she let out a small sigh. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Peeta remained silent for a bit longer. Katniss could do better than him. His love was like a toxic burn that wasn't needed. It was nothing more than an irritation. He heard her ask again, and he almost told her. He almost told her that he was mere seconds away from leaving her. But he didn't. "I'm just - I'm just tired." He said softly, honestly. She was slipping away from him. He needed to her be as far away from him as possible.

"Go back to sleep. You'll be back here before you know it and we'll be together again." Her voices was going in and out from the bad reception but he could still hear her. "Take care of yourself and call me when you're back. Okay?"

Peeta nodded his head before he remembered she couldn't see him. "Okay. Katniss, I-." He froze.

"What?"

He glanced at the pills in his hand and swallowed again. "Nothing. I'll…I'll see you at midnight."

"See you."

He waited until she hung up before he threw the phone across the room. The pain in his chest was overwhelming. He needed to feel something or feel nothing at all. He had to do this. He just needed everything to stop. His family didn't need him. His friends didn't need him. Katniss didn't need him most of all. She didn't need someone like him around her to taint and eventually let her see everything his mother said he was.

He opened the small bag and let out a ragged cry before bringing the first blue pill toward his lips.

After the tenth, he felt his eyes grow hazy. He dropped the rest onto the floor and fell back onto his bed. The split moment before his eyes closed, he heard Katniss laughing softly in his ear as she mumbled his name. In that split second, she flashed before him holding a dandelion and he instantly regretted it all.

…

_Six Years Later _

In his high school English class, the teacher had been a Greek Mythology enthusiast and had the class read about some of the legends and stories. The first time Peeta saw Katniss naked, he stood in the doorway of her bathroom as she slowly removed her clothes. He could see her shaking slightly but he didn't move to stop her. She had a flare of fire in her eyes and he knew that when Katniss set her mind to something, there was no stopping her. She wanted to be naked and honestly, Peeta had no problem with that. The show ever was already on, the team form the heat swirling up to the ceiling and Peeta stared at her, hardly blinking. He now thought of the legends of the water nymphs popular in Greek Mythology as he took the sight of Katniss in.

Nymphs were the most beautiful of all, and such encounters between a man and a nymph could be dangerous - bringing madness, infatuation or even death to the unfortunate human. That was exactly what Peeta felt like, staring at her as she turned and looked at her reflection in the mirror above the sink. She pulled the hair-tie from her braid and Peeta watched as wove her braid out until it tumbled down to her back. She was perfect. Absolutely flawless. Her skin was tight, her breasts the perfect size, and her ass made him practically salivate.

Peeta's under armor was already off and reached to push down his sweatpants, his eyes never leaving Katniss. She was still standing in front of the mirror, her eyes now downcast to the sink. She was nervous. He stopped, not taking off his boxer shorts, and went to her, standing behind her, his arms slipping around her. Katniss kept her head down but her hands came up to rest on his arms wrapped around her shoulders.

"Hey." He said softly, the steam from the shower swirling around their bodies. He pressed against her, noting how perfect she molded into him. He tried not to become distracted but she was completely naked before him. He felt his own throat close up at he felt her skin beneath his fingers. "You know we don't have to do anything. I'm not expecting anything."

Katniss nodded her head but she wouldn't mutter a word. Her body did seem to relax a bit more though and her hands clutched his arms a bit tighter when he squeezed them around her. She was quiet but Peeta could practically hear her thinking everything through. When they had entered the small apartment, they couldn't stop kissing one another. It was as if the mere idea of stopping was painful to them, which made them kiss all the more frantically. And then when Katniss and taken his hand and began leading him down the hall, Peeta had no idea what to expect. He didn't want to push her. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Katniss.." Peeta tried again to get her to speak. "Do you want to get dressed again?" He asked and didn't know if he was relieved or not when she shook her head. "Katniss?" He asked, wondering if the next question would have his ass out the door. "Can I see you?"

She stilled completely. Peeta found that he was holding his breath to see what kind of reaction she was about to have to his question. Her hands squeezed his arms before she slowly nodded her head. He kept his arms around her but he loosened his hold so she could finally turn around and face him. Although the air in the bathroom was becoming humid from the shower steam, the air coming in from the hallway through the open door was cool and it tightened her nipples to hard peaked pebbles that grazed across his chest as she turned. He suppressed a groan though the mere sensation made his boxers tighten a bit more.

Katniss lifted her eyes to look at his face and he took a step back so his eyes and hands were free to move over her body. She was shaking slightly again but it was from anticipation. She had been running on pure adrenaline and lust when she had brought Peeta into her apartment and had decided that she wanted to have sex. She had taken her clothes off, trying to act brave and bold but then she had seen him in the doorway, staring at her, and she had almost snatched her clothes back up. She could only imagine how many naked women Peeta had seen and she couldn't help but wonder how horrible she probably looked when compared to all of the others.

Nonetheless, despite her fears and doubts, she felt her body's temperature rise as he stared into her eyes before his eyes moved lower. He took another step back and she bit on her lower lip as his eyes roved over her body. He reached out but then stopped himself as if realizing what he was doing and his hand dropped back down to his side. Katniss reached out and took his hand.

"It's okay." she said, almost shyly, and it was. She wanted him to touch her. She wanted to feel his hands all over her body. "I want you to."

Peeta nodded his head and he was fairly certain that he stopped breathing when she guided his hand to her breast. He took a step closer to her, his hand cupping her breast, him releasing a shaky breath when he felt and saw how perfectly it fit in his palm. He lifted his other hand and cupped her other breast, his eyes staring at them for a moment before lifting his eyes back to Katniss. She gave him a small smile and he moved his hands up to cup her cheeks. He tilted her head up and her eyes closed as he lips lightly caressed over hers. Brushing his lips over hers, once, twice, and then on the third brush, he kissed her with a bit more pressure of his mouth. His hands slid back into her hair, tangling in the locks and Katniss pressed against him.

"Take a shower with me," she murmured against his lips then without giving him a chance to respond, she turned and went to the shower, pushing the curtain back and stepping into the tub. She stood underneath the spray of the water and turned to look at him. Peeta could do nothing but remain standing where he was and stare at her. The water slowly soaked her, water droplets running down her skin, her hair becoming darker and heavy. Peeta slowly pushed down his boxers and though she had touched it last night, this was the first time Katniss had seen all of him. She glanced down before turning and tilting her head up towards the shower head. Peeta couldn't help but smirk faintly as he climbed into the tub behind her, closing the curtain behind him. His arms instantly wound around her again, bringing her back against his chest and she smiled, tilting her head into his face as he leaned down and kissed her neck.

The water was warm and Katniss rested the back of her head against Peeta's shoulder as he continued kissing her neck with soft light kisses, her eyes closed and her lower lip drawn between her teeth.

Every day. She had thought of him every day and he knew that she wasn't lying. When Katniss had told him that, he knew that she was being completely honest with him. She had thought about him every day. She hadn't forgotten him. She hadn't pushed him to the darkest recesses in her mind, never to be dwelled upon ever again or just occasionally. No. She thought about him every day just as he did her. He smiled against her skin as his lips brushed across her jaw line. Katniss turned her head to look at him, watching his profile as he lowered his lips to her shoulder. Feeling her eyes on him, Peeta lifted his head and looked at her.

"I never thought I would be this brave," she admitted softly. "No one has ever seen me naked before. You're the first-"

"Good," Peeta cut in. He was thrilled that there hadn't been a guy in his place before this, holding Katniss, touching Katniss, seeing her perfect body and reveling in it. Being with her, like this, was his place. He knew it, he was convincing Katniss of that too, and soon, everyone else would know it. He belonged here, with her, whether it be in the shower with his arms around her, or in her bed with his arms around her.

Katniss stared at him. "I don't know what it is with you. Whenever I'm around you, I just stop thinking." She turned so they were facing one another more fully. "Why is that?"

He shook his head slightly. "If you don't know, I definitely don't know." He paused and his hands ran down her upper arms to her hips, sliding across her wet skin. "But I'm glad. Sometimes, it's nice to not think and just feel."

She remained still for a moment and the water pounded rhythmically on the tiles around them. She hesitantly lifted her hand and Peeta held his breath as she rested it on his chest, right over his heart. She took a step closer to him and he chose to look at her rather than her hands as she put both of them on his chest, running them slowly, lightly downwards, over his chest and stomach and then his abs, pausing there. She lifted her eyes and looked at him. He opened his mouth to tell her that they really didn't have to do anything but Katniss proceeded onwards before he could even form the words. She took both of her hands and wrapped them around his erection, eliciting a surprised gasp from him. His eyes flew down to see and he only grew harder at the sight of her holding him.

"I want you to be lying down," Katniss decided suddenly and then with that said, she turned and shut the water off before getting out of the shower, taking a towel and quickly wiping herself. Peeta followed dutifully, both remaining naked as they left the bathroom for the bedroom.

Peeta swore to himself that the first time he was in her bedroom, he would take a serious look around but it seemed that Katniss wanted him on the bed as quickly as possible. She seemed to be acting on her wants at the moment and she didn't want to pause and let her mind take over. She wanted to just lead her lust for him lead him and not stop and overanalyze everything. She never thought she would do something like this but when she was with him, it as her brain completely shut down. But she didn't want her mind to take back control right then. Peeta didn't want that either honestly and he got onto the bed, rolling onto his back and propping his head up onto a pillow. He watched as Katniss crawled onto the bed, so graceful and lithe, Peeta ached to touch her. But she remained kneeling in between his legs out of his grasp.

Her hands wrapped around his erection again and his fingers took hold of the blanket covering the bed. He kept his eyes on her as she leaned down slightly, getting a better look at him. She inspected him carefully, taking in the sight of him. And then her hands moved and she began to stroke him – slowly, her hand rotating slightly with each up and down stroke as her other hand remained at the base. He groaned when she leaned down and her tongue licked the tip, tasting the precum that had gathered there.

Katniss looked at Peeta, seeing the effect she was having on him. It made her smile. She chewed on her bottom lip as she looked at him, his eyes shut, his chest rapidly rising and falling, his fingers clutching the bed sheets. He looked so beautiful. Her hand squeezed his shaft a little bit more firmly and he moaned softly, lifting his hips up. He seemed to have liked that so she did it again, twisting her hand as she moved it up and down the length of him, amazed at how big he was. Katniss wasn't a prude just because she hadn't had sex yet. She was more than aware of how this all worked. She was so entranced with how he felt in her hand, at what she was doing to him, she didn't notice that he was saying her name until he covered her hands with his, stopping her.

Katniss lifted her head, her eyes immediately meeting his blue eyes, the orbs so dark now, they almost appeared to be black and she almost moaned as she looked into them. He had seemed to be enjoying what she was doing to him and yet he had stopped her. She frowned. "What was I doing wrong?"

"God, nothing," he said, trying to regulate his breathing though that was nearly impossible to do since her hands were still wrapped around him. "I just… I was thinking that we could both enjoy this."

"I am enjoying it. I like making you feel good," she said with a soft gentle smile, a light blush across her cheeks, and Peeta smiled in return, surprising her when he sat up suddenly and cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her. It was a soft kiss, their lips caressing each other's slowly, and yet, it made them both feel incredibly warm and left their lips tingling.

Peeta pulled away first though it was done so with difficulty. He loved kissing Katniss. Her lips were so soft and addicting and she tasted so damn good. He never got tired of kissing her. If all they ever did was kiss from then on, he knew that it would still be enough for him. But Katniss didn't want just kisses. She wanted much more and Peeta was lucky enough to be the one she chose to give it to her. His hands remained cupping her face and he smiled again when her eyes slowly blinked open to look at him. Both remembered that her hands were still on his erection when she suddenly gave it a slight squeeze. He nipped at her bottom lip and she laughed softly. God, he loved her laugh. It made him want to wrap his arms around her and never let go. He had always loved her laugh. It made his chest swell.

"You can still make me feel good but I want to do that to you, too." Judging by the sudden confusion in her eyes, it was obvious to Peeta that she didn't know what he was talking about. He dipped his finger down between her legs, feeling how wet she was and feeling her grow even more wet as his finger traced up and down her lips and realization dawned on her face.

Katniss kissed him. She lifted her hands from his erection and put them on his shoulders, her mouth connecting with his as his finger continued to stroke her and when it finally delved in between her folds, pushing into her, she moaned into his mouth, kissing him harder. Her fingers clutched the hairs on the back of his head as he added another one, groaning into her mouth, his free arm wrapping around her, as her vaginal muscles squeezed around his fingers. She was so tight and he managed to get even harder upon feeling her. "Peeta." She gasped, holding on to him tighter, wrenching her lips away from his so they could breathe. Her hips rocked against his fingers as he slowly moved them in and out of her. His thumb flicked over her clit and she tossed her head back, exposing her perfect neck to him. He leaned forward and licked the column of her throat, making her moan and shiver simultaneously.

"Tell me what you want, baby." He whispered, watching as she completely lost herself to his fingers and his touch. She was so fucking sexy to watch. So free and wild. Her body was flawless and her sexual stamina seemed to be endless. "Say it, Katniss." His fingers sped up, feeling her wet and tight around him. He licked her throat again then sucked on the patch of skin between her neck and shoulder. She moaned louder, her hips speeding up, riding his fingers.

She gathered the strength to look at him, not caring how brazen she might have been right then. He drove her so crazy with the things he could do to her. She used the words that got her burning just thinking them. But she knew that was what Peeta wanted. He had talked so dirty to her in the alley last night, he had made her so wet just with his words. He wanted her to talk dirty too. She stared right into his eyes. "I want you.. I want you to eat me." She said and Peeta nearly growled, pressing his lips to hers, kissing her deeply, his tongue sweeping into her mouth, kissing her hungrily.

He guided them both down until he was lying on his back and she was on top of him, their mouths still fused together. He lifted his hand from between her legs and cupped the back of her head, kissing her, pouring as much passion as he had for her into that kiss. "Lie down, Katniss." He said, his body as hot and hard as it could be. "I want to taste that beautiful pussy of yours." Katniss blushed deeply at his words and for a moment, he thought she wouldn't go through with this. They hadn't done this. She had never been so exposed like this before. He was about to open his mouth and tell her that they didn't have to do anything but with one final kiss on his lips, Katniss sat up on her knees and Peeta watched as at that exact moment, the sun decided to appear behind the blanket of thick clouds and filter into the otherwise dim bedroom. The darkened orange light shone onto her naked body and the breath caught in his throat.

She looked down at him and felt her body tremble. The way he was looking at her, it was as if she was most beautiful thing he had ever seen. No one had ever looked at her like Peeta was in that moment. She leaned down and kissed him again but this kiss was different than the ones previous – soft and gentle and it made her heart thump wildly in her chest. This was the kind of kiss that made her toes curl and her knees weak. This was the kiss that left her almost whispering that she loved him. But she didn't dare tell him that. She did love him but she would never tell him that. There was no room for love in their current situation. And it hurt enough already to love him so much and know that she would never be with him. She refused to be the vulnerable one between the two of them.

Peeta opened his eyes slowly when he felt her lips no longer on his and he watched as she sat up then slowly laid down on her back, her legs naturally parting for him. Her arms moved to cover up her breasts but he sat up, stopping her. He kneeled, his eyes taking in every inch of her and she gasped as he leaned down and began pressing kisses to her stomach, lying down on his stomach as he wrapped his arms around her legs, spreading them more to accommodate him. She felt the cold air of the room against her heat and she shivered. Peeta looked up at her and then reaching behind him, he took a pillow and handed it to her. She slid it underneath her head so she could watch him better.

"Oh God!" Katniss cried out, her back bowing off the bed when Peeta didn't hesitate after that to put his mouth on her. Her body squirmed, trying to get away from Peeta's demanding mouth but at the same time, her hands grabbed his head, keeping him between her legs. Peeta's hands grabbed her hips, trying to keep her from moving. "Peeta!" His mouth moved over her relentlessly, tasting her, sucking on her. Katniss thought she saw stars in front of her eyes and her hands left Peeta's head to grip the bed sheets. Her back arched more and she bent her knees up. Peeta scooted forward even more, his shoulders pressing into the back of her thighs and he dove in again. "Peeta, oh God." Katniss gasped and she was surprised that she could speak coherently at all. She was panting breathlessly now, barely able to breathe, but he wouldn't stop and she didn't want him to. His thumb moved in a circular motion over her clit as his mouth covered her, his tongue diving inside. "Right there!" She suddenly panted, lifting her hips off the bed, pressing into his face, and Peeta grabbed her ass, dragging more of her to him. He listened to her moans and breaths, removing his tongue and replacing it with two of his fingers, searching for that spot again.

Katniss squirmed, her hips lifting again and again, riding the two digits he had inside of her. Peeta looked up at her body, glistening with sweat, her body flushed, her mouth open and her eyes closed. He had never seen a more arousing sight before. Katniss looked absolutely gorgeous. "Right there!" She exclaimed again, bowing off the bed again, her body beginning to shake and Peeta sucked on her clit, his fingers rubbing and pressing onto the spot as his eyes remained on her face as her orgasm hit. He felt her release gush around his fingers and he moved his mouth back down, lapping her up and drinking it, his hands rubbing her sides before slipping back down to cup her ass. Even as her orgasm faded away and she came back down, Peeta continued licking her with his tongue, cleaning every inch of her up, making her mewl softly with pleasure. He moved his hands up her body and cupped both of her breasts and lifted his eyes when he felt her hands cover his. Their eyes locked and Katniss watched, hypnotized, as Peeta continued to eat her. Just the mere thought of that made her begin to tingle again.

"I want to eat you all day." Peeta informed her and judging by the look in her eyes, he knew that she would not object to such a thing. "Better than any Thanksgiving dinner I've ever had."

She chewed on her lower lip, blushing. "Do I…" she cleared her throat. "Do I taste alright?"

"You taste so fucking good." He said then licked her in one long swipe, making her moan softly. She pulled on his hair and motioned for him to lay on top of her. Once his body was flush against hers, she slid her hand on the back of his neck, tugging his head down, his lips colliding with hers.

The kiss was fierce, passionate, their tongues dueling together and Peeta pushed her harder into the mattress, his body covering hers like a blanket. He rested his weight on his hands on either side of her head and he pulled his lips away to look at her, resting his forehead against hers. They stared at one another, both panting heavily, both of them trying to understand what had just happened between them. Peeta sank a bit more on top of her and her fingers ran over his head to the back of his neck as he planted soft kisses on her neck and shoulder. He could feel her there in bed with him, he could feel her body lying underneath his but he could feel her holding herself away from him. Now that they were lying there and Katniss was having time to think the situation over, he could feel her blocking him out. When they were passionate with one another, she was open and willing but the instant they were done, she separated them, putting distance between them so it was nearly impossible for him to reach out to her.

She was so close to telling him that she loved him. She had to literally bite her tongue to keep the words from being said. She couldn't say that. She could never say that. She could never open up herself like that to him again. And realizing that she still wanted him, that she still loved him more than anything despite what had happened, realizing that she would never be able to give him up, realizing that he still had the ability to hurt her just as much as he once had, that he would leave her again at the end of the week to go back to his life, that she had started this arrangement in hopes of moving on but realizing that she could never move on from him, Katniss started to cry. She hated him and loved him so much. And she hated feeling like this. She wished he had never come back to Panem. She wished she had never kissed him. She wanted him out of her life. But the mere thought of him gone forever made her ache with pain. She wanted him gone but she wanted to hold him close and never let him go again.

"Katniss, what-" Peeta started to say, his voice thick with concern as he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks but before he could begin to find out what was wrong, Katniss rolled out from under him and rushed from the bedroom, the slam of the bathroom door echoing in his ears.

* * *

_Chapter Notes_

_Hi everyone! Happy Wednesday! I again, am blown away by the responses I've been getting. They mean the world to me. Again, from my note at the top, if you're feeling anything regarding the Six Years Before section, do not hesitate to message me. What happens after will be shown in the next chapter and the few chapters after that, then there won't be many flashbacks! Again, don't hesitate to message me questions or concerns. Thanks again for the amazing feedback._

_This chapter a bit a long but I couldn't seem to break up the chapter well. Sorry!_

_The title comes from the band, _Stray's Don't Sleep. _I loved this song in high school. I had it on repeat the past couple of days as I was writing and it really spoke to me about Peeta's struggle with depression (which will be more explained in following __chapters)._

_The "What's your favorite time of the year?" scene I took from the little question game they have in Catching Fire. I wanted to relate their favorite colors to the seasons. _

_I had to actually look up the Gatorade flavor since I only go by colors! Anyone else do that?_

_I took the line, "Don't let them change you." Kind of from MJ. I used the original line but it just didn't feel right at that moment. I again, will help everyone understand Peeta's struggle in following chapters. I've sort of hinted on his depression in the past four chapters but if you weren't looking for it, you wouldn't really see it. _

_Of course I used the "Always" line! :)__The flashback scene was probably the hardest to write. It took me a long time to get through and I'm still not 100% happy with it. The next chapter will show the aftermath for Peeta and then the chapter after that will show how he treats Katniss and such when he returns back to school. I again, don't want this chapter to be taken lightly. I'm taking his struggle as serious as I can, and it is pretty hard to write but I tried to show you all a bit of what was going on in our favorite boy's head._

_Greek Mythology is basically my favorite thing and I am minoring in it, so if you ever want to chat about that, just let me know. I go kinda crazy about it._

_Katniss and Peeta's love scene really struck me too. I've gotten a lot of people telling me they are curious to see how it will all play out since they are being so intimate without having much trust, I have to say I agree. They are kinda being little dummies but they are in love with each other, maybe someday they will finally admit it. _

_Next chapter will also show Katniss as she struggles with her feelings, which is always interesting to write._

_I can't wait to hear from you all! Until next Wednesday! _


	6. Six

**A/N: The following chapter may be a trigger for some. If suicide attempts upset you, or are to much for you, please skip the **_Six Years Before_** section. Feel free to message me if needed.**

* * *

Chapter Six - Lost Stars

_Six Years Before _

He woke up in slow hazy phases. It wasn't until he was fully conscious did he realize that there was a tube stuck down his throat. As his body shook and his throat closed up around the tube, he could hear someone screaming for help. Someone that sounded like him but not him at all. The person was still screaming and he felt like if the tube wasn't taken out soon, his last moments would have been spent in agonizing pain.

"Peeta, Peeta. I need you to calm down so I can remove the tube." His eyes flickered in fast blinks as stared toward the bald man before him. He wanted to scream and maybe the weird gurgling noises he was making was the attempt at that.

He closed his eyes. He kept twitching, practically dancing out of his skin but suddenly, a dandelion appeared before his eyes. He imagined the gentle winds blowing the seeds and then he imagined them growing into yellow weeds that people would complain about, but not him, never him. A dandelion to him was like a symbol of re-growth. It was like the phoenix rising from the ashes. It was like him, coming back from the dead.

"That's it. Good job, Peeta."

Where was he? His mind was still hazy but luckily the tube in his throat was leaving. He just wanted to sleep. He just wanted to be dead.

His eyes opened quickly as they watched the tube come fully out of his mouth. The bald man before him was talking in quick breaths but he couldn't hear. How the fuck did he end up here? He didn't want this. He wanted to cry. He wanted - he wasn't sure.

"You with me there, Peeta? I'm Dr. Aurelius."

He tried to speak then but his throat was scratchy and there still was some tape around his mouth. He felt like shaking again but slowly, the bald man started to pull away the tape and he kept talking.

We found you just in time, he said.

"You're a very lucky young man, Peeta."

You're lucky.

You're lucky.

This was luck? Being brought back into this world after wanting so desperately to escape it. His eyes flashed toward the door and he saw his brother standing there helplessly with a look on his face that he didn't quite understand, since he never saw it before. It wasn't a surprise that his mother wasn't there. She would take this as something else he couldn't do. He couldn't even kill himself right.

"Peeta? Are you listening to me?"

He turned his attention back toward the man before him. He saw a few more people behind him but the bodies were moving to quickly for his mind to process. Someone was hooking something into his arm, someone else was checking his pulse. He wondered if his heartbeat was strong. He found it ironic since he felt nothing along the lines of strong. "Sorry I-." His voice was different. It was hoarse, bare, not his. Who was he? Why was he still here? His - Katniss.

Katniss oh God, Katniss.

He pictured her face and he pictured her soft smile reserved only for him. That smile when her upper lip was slightly crooked, it matched his. That smile that could save countries. That smile that - that saved him. Only he took it for granted. He almost left her. He almost left her like the selfish bastard he was.

Someone else she cared for would just vanish before her eyes, again. And at the time, he didn't care. She didn't deserve that. She didn't-

"Peeta, I need you to try and stick with me."

He adjusted his eyes toward the man and stared straight back. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do?

"I know this is a lot right now." The bald man gave him a weak attempt of a smile. "But I need you to tell me what happened two days ago, alright? If your throat hurts, we can write it out."

Two days ago? That meant today was the twenty-eighth. He swallowed and hoarsely spoke aloud, trying not to glance at anyone in the eye. He told him what happened but when Dr. Aurelius asked him why, he was shut silent because there wasn't one single answer to give. There wasn't anything to tell. There wasn't anything to say. He was eighteen. He didn't have to tell anyone that he still suffered from mommy issues.

He didn't need to tell anyone anything.

After, when he was left alone in the darkened hospital room, he thought about the first time he saw Katniss Everdeen. The memory was fuzzy and cloudy in his brain, so he wasn't even sure if half of it was real but he knew the end was. The part where she stood proud and tall before their kindergarten class as she sang The Valley Song. Her voice was soft and he thought it was the most beautiful voice in the world.

He wanted to spend everyday after listening to it. He wanted to be the one she sang those beautiful songs to. He wanted to be everything for her but he couldn't. He couldn't now.

Not when he could so easily leave her with the flip of a switch. Katniss Everdeen deserved better. She deserved the odds in her favor. She deserved to laugh loud, to sing even louder and to give those special smiles to someone who would cherish them more than he ever would. She was everything to his nothing.

She was the sun that he would paint. She was a symbol of hope, a spark of fire and he didn't deserve a single ounce of it.

He could never be what she needed. She needed someone as strong as she was, someone who wasn't afraid of a little fire. Someone who held her when she cried and didn't need to ask what was wrong a hundred times. She needed to be free of him. She needed to be free of the worthless attempt of a human being otherwise known as, Peeta Mellark.

So, when he finally realized that as soon as he took those pills, she was gone, he cried. He cried loudly and he heard his heart monitor pick up the attack within him but he didn't stop. He cried because he lost her. He cried because she would never be his. He cried because just as quickly as he found his girl on fire, he watered her down.

He would never have her again. He would never have stolen moments in the apartment above the bakery. He would never smell her hair. He would never be the person she trusted with the small secrets she would allow him to hear, even though he knew there was more below the surface.

She deserved so much more than he could ever give and sooner or later, she would realize that. Even if he had to help her along the way.

…

_Six Years Later_

"Marvel, I'm going to kill you." Delly said, placing her hands over his, stilling them. "Watch me. You fold that piece like this." She demonstrated folding one of the corners of a dark red napkin, which had originally been a square but was now being created into a three-dimensional turkey, much to Madge's request. "Think you can handle that?" She asked hopefully but Marvel blinked at her before sighing and crumpling his napkin into a ball.

"This is fucking bull. Why am I on napkin decorating? Gale and Thom get to do all the cool shit."

Delly's attention went back to her orange napkins. "It's not napkin decorating. And you're here because we all know if you step one foot in that kitchen, Madge and Gale will no longer have a place to live." She smiled at Marvel sweetly and was rewarded with a scowl. "I'll kick you in your- ."

There was an abrupt knock on the door but before anyone could answer, Johanna stumbled in with Thresh quickly behind her. "Happy Thanksgiving." Johanna mumbled as she made her way toward the small table. She plopped her store bought pie on the table and watched as Thresh kissed Delly softly. She never understood the pair.

"If that's not the green been casserole, you can take your ass home." Marvel said, eying the covered dish in Thresh's hands.

Delly rolled her eyes. "Don't be an ass, ass."

"Don't be a fucking bi-."

"If you finish that sentence to my guests, I will kick your ass." Madge said with a quick smile as she walked up and flicked the back of Marvel's head. "Thresh, you can take this to Thom and then please, please occupy Jude."

"Hey! Don't call me that!"

Thresh let out a laugh as Marvel scowled at Madge. He leaned in and kissed the curly blonde on the cheek and headed into the kitchen with Marvel hot on his tail.

Sighing, Madge made her way back toward the dining room table and continued to set the table. She bit her lip at the thick cut in the wood but it didn't stop her from loving the table Gale had gotten for them. Once the silverware and the plates were properly in place, she plopped down and continued to fold the the remaining red napkins.

"I was four seconds away from shoving a turkey baster up Marvel's ass." Delly muttered as she plunked herself down on a chair next to Johanna. The three girls let out a soft laugh and made a face when they heard Gale yelling at Marvel in the kitchen. Boys.

"Have you heard from brainless?" Johanna asked as she began playing with the silverware before her.

Madge nodded as she continued folding. "I talked to her this morning. She called me to tell me she was getting called into work. I told her that she could stop by whenever she wanted once she got off."

Johanna sighed, leaning back in the chair. "The more I think about this whole thing Katniss has with Peeta, the more I get worried." Delly and Madge both turned their full attention to the brunette before them. "Does anyone else remember how broken up she was? I didn't think she would ever get past it."

"She hasn't." Delly spoke up in a soft voice, as she continued to hear the boys bark in the kitchen. "How many date have we set her up on over the past few years?" Everyone remained still. "And how many of those guys ever got a second date out of her? Or even a finished first one?" Madge and Johanna both shook their heads. "Exactly. She and never gotten over him."

"I knew she loved him. And I thought he loved her but the way he treated her at New Years…" Madge trailed off, trying to keep her anger in check. It had been difficult for her to be friends with both Katniss and Peeta after Peeta practically shoved Katniss out of his life. Though she had been friends with Peeta longer than she had been with Katniss, Madge could not sit but while Katniss was in such pain for him and he was acting as if he could have cared less. Madge had always felt a bit protective over Katniss and she knew the feeling was mutual. After Peeta had shut her out, Katniss had started to slowly come around and depend on Madge. It wasn't until they were juniors in college that Katniss started to actually talk to Madge about her feelings.

When Katniss had come and told Madge, Johanna and Delly of her great seduction plan concerning Peeta, Madge had initially thought it was a brilliant beyond brilliant plan. Katniss needed to have fun with herself and actually live a little. But at the same time, it was time for her to have Peeta Mellark finally see what he had done to her. But after Madge and Gale had returned from The Hob the night before, she had laid awake, her body tangled with Gale's like a wine but her mind was all over the place. Katniss was going to get hurt again. Madge could feel in like a mother's instinct. Katniss was so determined to keep her heart safe again but this was Peeta. This was the man that Katniss had shared so many life changing memories with in the short span that they had been friends. This was the person Katniss loved.

Madge didn't know if Katniss would be able to survive getting hurt by Peeta Mellark again.

"I know." Delly said, as if she was on the exact same brainwave Madge was. She shook her head sadly. "But this is something Katniss wants to do and as her friends, we need to support her and mostly.. we need to be there for her."

The dining room was quiet as the girls were left to their own thoughts. Deciding that it was Thanksgiving and that Christmas was the time to be utterly depressed with their lives. Madge bit her lips as she clapped her hands.

"Let's check on our boys." Once she spoke, there was a large clatter of pots, a string of curses and a scream of Marvel's name. "Or not."

…

Katniss sat on the floor of her bathroom, her back resting against the door, her knees up toward her chest, and she was once again crying over Peeta Mellark. She wasn't sure what time it was, or how long she had been in there. It felt like hours and it very well could be. The bathroom was barely lit by the small window. She had cried then had stopped for some time but the instant she thought back on all of the memories she had tried to erase, she started crying again. She wasn't even sure if Peeta was still there. He had tried to get her to open the door but that had been ages ago. He probably got tired of waiting and left. The notion leaving her feeling relieved and hurt at the same time.

She hated feeling like this. She hated feeling when it came to Peeta Mellark. She wished she could just turn it off and treat him like nothing, just like he had done to her.

Thom had told her to kiss some guy in a bar and she had. It wasn't supposed to be Peeta. She wasn't supposed to still be in love with him. She was supposed to be able to use him and then send him on his merry little way. It was not supposed to be this complicated. She should have been able to keep complications out of it. She was good at shutting down her feelings for everyone else. Why was Peeta so different?

She wiped at her cheeks, closing her eyes, hugging her knees tighter toward her chest. She was still naked and though she knew that she should have been cold, her body didn't seem to realize that. The pain she and felt on New Year's Eve, was pain that she had never really felt before and she wouldn't even wish it on her worst enemy, like her landlord, Mr. Snow. It was the pain of a broken heart and Katniss used to be so naïve enough to think that she would never know what that felt like. Peeta had shown her though. She had given him her heart, she had told him all her secrets, fears, hopes, dreams and everything in between. On New Year's Eve, she was about to tell him that she loved him and that she wanted to be with him but he had treated her in a way that she still, after all the time, didn't understand. She had been so stupid and had thought he loved her in return or at least felt something more than friendship for her. How badly she had been wrong and Katniss hated that.

She hated how Peeta was still so much a part of her. She had tried to put in all in perspective. She had tried to tell herself that they had been friends for a few months. That from September, to the end of December, their short friendship, or whatever the hell it was, was over. Peeta hadn't seemed to care and Katniss saw that she had far more time, effort and feelings invested in him than he had ever had in her. All of which she never gave to anyone before, at least not fully.

She remember their almost kiss on the roof. How he looked at her with a look she had never seen him give anyone before. She remembered how he treated her on the roof on New Year's Even. His cold stare, his venomous words. His words, six years later, still stung her and she hated him for that. But she loved him, so much that it ached.

Katniss loved him completely. She thought of her love for him as a bullseye. The deeper it got, the harder it was to reach it and completely get rid of it. She gave him her heart and she never got it back. He didn't know it but for the past six years, he had been the only one for her. She had been set up on so many dates and nothing had ever come out of them. None of them were Peeta. And despite the pain, the tears and the agony she felt, she still loved him. She hated him and loved him. With everything in her.

She hated being conflicted like this. It was like a battle within her that was neither close to winning or losing. She wished she could just love him fully or hate him completely. She didn't want this war within herself.

The click of the lock of the bathroom suddenly came into her ears and Katniss opened her eyes, watching as the door was pushed open and Peeta stood there. He was wearing his running pants. His hair was a mess and she wondered if it was her doing or his.

"You're still here." Katniss said flatly, her voice slightly raw from crying.

"Of course I'm still here." Peeta said, stepping cautiously into the bathroom and kneeling on the floor in front of her. "Where else would I be?" She stared at him, their eyes locking. Blue and gray, pain and concern. "Katniss."

"I love you, Peeta." She spoke suddenly, looking behind him. "I'm still in love with you. I tried not to be, but it didn't work."

Peeta was surprised at the feeling in his chest. He felt a bit like he was flying. The darkness in his chest was lifted and all he saw was her and the sun. She had said the words he had always dreamed of her saying. He craved them and she had said them. Katniss loved him. She loved him. Katniss Everdeen loved him. He couldn't help but let the happiness in his chest bring a soft grin on his face. He looked like an idiot but he didn't care because Katniss loved him. She. Loved. Him.

Katniss shook her head and glared at the spot on the wall behind him. She didn't dare look at him as tears started to fall down her face. "But I don't want to be. I don't want to love you, Peeta."

At those words, the darkness that has escaped Peeta for that brief moment, returned. This time worse. This time, it hurt like hell.

…

_Six Years Before _

The bakery was packed to the brim with people making it nearly impossible but Katniss was nothing if not determined. She hadn't spoken to Peeta in four days and she was worried. They had talked everyday that he was gone but two days ago, she hadn't been able to get a hold of him. Every call was sent to voicemail and that worried her. Peeta hated voicemail and made sure to always answer his phone or at least return the calls that he missed. Peeta and Katniss didn't go a day without talking to one another so to go four days with no contact, it was quite out of the ordinary.

The Mellark brothers were having a New Year's Eve party at the bakery and it seemed that everyone in their small town had invited their brothers and sisters to attend as well. The music was pounding, the alcohol was flowing and the people were packing into the rooms like sardines. Katniss had long ago lost all of her friends as soon as they had arrived, her mind only on finding Peeta. She was so anxious to find him. To talk to him. To touch him. She has so much to tell him. She had missed him horribly and she was ready to tell him how she actually felt. She had rehearsed in front of the mirror but decided that it didn't need to be a perfect speech for Peeta. He would take her for her nervous stuttering and her weak mumbles. It wouldn't matter how it came out because she was going to tell him. She was about to tell Peeta Mellark that she loved him. She had never been in love before but she knew without the slightest doubt, that she loved him. And she was fairly certain that he cared for her as well. She just prayed that she wasn't about to horribly embarrass herself or ruin their friendship forever. Even if he didn't love her, or even like her in that matter, she knew Peeta would handle it with grace. She only hoped that it wouldn't ruin their friendship. Peeta was her best friend, the most important person in her life beside Prim. She didn't know what she would do without him.

She made her way toward the familiar fire-escape and climbed up until she was above the loud party-go'ers below her. She found him standing with his back toward her. His hand in one of his coat pockets while the other was clenched in a tight fist at his side. Katniss felt her smile grow as she walked toward him. Her stomach was churning and her heart was pounding. She was so nervous but she knew that she had to do this.

"Hey stranger." She called out softly and Peeta turned immediately. Standing underneath the string of lights, she could see Peeta smile for the briefest of moments before his face went completely blank. Her smile only faltered momentarily though. She was so happy to see him. "Hey." She said, bouncing, slightly out of character for her, toward him. His face remained blank. "I umm - I tried calling you. I missed you."

He didn't move, didn't say a single word. He simply stared at her then turned his attention away from her.

She frowned slightly, shifting on her feet. "Are you okay?" Her stomach was in knots and her heart was beating hard against her ribs. He was making her nervous. What was wrong?

He shrugged, and casted her a small glance. "Yep." He finally said, his voice hard, almost cold. He had never talked to her like this. Short and without the normal Peeta smile just for her. But she stood her ground.

"Are you sure?"

He shrugged again. He was silent for another few moments before he spoke again. "What are you doing here?"

His voice was colder than it was before. The cruelty of it sent her stepping away from him., her face in shock and confusion. Her stomach dropped slightly. She felt sick. This wasn't him. This wasn't Peeta, her best friend, the boy she loved. She cleared her throat and took an unsteady breath before she spoke again. "You told me to meet you on New Years Day, right on the dot." She shook her jacket to reveal her small black watch. "Which is about five minutes from now. I couldn't wait."

He only stared at her before turning his attention toward the dirt roof. He kicked at it. "You shouldn't be here."

What? "Peeta?"

If his tone and words didn't upset her before, they pierced through her when he spoke again. "You and me are a bad idea, Katniss." A weird laugh escaped his throat as he turned his eyes to look at hers. Instead of the easy and happy blue, all she saw was stone cold black. "I'm going to Brown, I can't be attached to some trailer trash back at home."

Katniss stared at him, the first of the tears falling down her cheeks, and then shook her her head slightly. "You don't mean that." She wiped at her face quickly and felt her lip trembling. "Did something happen? Did your mom-."

"Leave my family out of this. You wouldn't know anything about having a family."

Katniss was dreaming. She and to be. This couldn't possibly be real. She heard his cruel words, saw Peeta staring at her as if being around her was the last thing he wanted, and knew that none of this was real. She screamed at herself to wake up but she didn't. Because she already was. This was all very real. And she felt as if Peeta had just reached inside of her chest, grabbed her heart, yanked it out and stomped on it with every insecurity she had told him. She was crying and he was just starting at her, completely impassive.

Why was he doing this? What had she done? What had happened to him that he was treating her like this? This wasn't Peeta. Peeta read to the elderly and helped tutor their peers.

Her stomach ached and twisted within her body and she wanted to wake up. Her chest was experience a kind of pain that was worse than a physical wound on her body. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

"What are you still doing here, Katniss?"

It was as if he had slapped her. Wiping at her cheeks roughly, she ran toward the fire-escape and hastily climbed down and away from Peeta. She had never been in love before and she wished she wasn't now. She wished she never would be again. Maybe if she didn't love him, maybe if she hadn't thought that they would be together, she wouldn't be feeling as she did now.

The tears came again as she reached solid ground and she gasped when she collided with a solid form in front of her. She stumbled back a step but hands grasped her upper arms firmly.

"Katniss?" The concerned voice of Finnick Odair filled her ears and without hesitating, she stood up fully and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him. "Katniss, what is it?"

"Take me home." She grasped his arms fully as she felt her lungs struggle to breathe. "Take me away from here."

…

_Six Years Later_

_I don't want to love you, Peeta._

The words echoed in his head like a mantra. It mocked him. Stabbed him in the heart each time he heard Katniss say them, each time he closed his eyes and saw her crying on the bathroom floor She looked completely defeated and Peeta knew that he had no one to blame but himself.

He was the reason they weren't together. He was the reason she didn't want to be with him, let alone love him.

When he heard Katniss say those four words to him, I love you, Peeta, he couldn't remember the last time he had felt happier but then, she had spoken again and her words had effectively pierced his heart like a thousand arrows. He deserved it. He knew he did but it didn't make it hurt any less.

He could smell the familiar scent of bread coming in through the apartment. It may have been Thanksgiving, but he was certain his brother was down below getting ready for tomorrow, while his father enjoyed one more day of his children being home. He laid on the bed, his fingers laced behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. Better than anything I've ever had. He thought of the way she tasted, everything about that forever burned in his mind. The way she had spread her legs for him, the way she had panted, breathed his name, her moans, the way she had thrashed around on the bed and the way he hadn't wanted to remove his mouth from her for any reason. Katniss was intoxicating. She was quiet and shy but she saw and heard everything. She was his own kind of wallflower. She was able to turn him on with just a look or a moan. He loved making her moan. He wanted to spend the rest of his life doing things to her like he had done to her earlier. He wanted to spend the rest of their lives making her happy.

It had just been yesterday when Katniss had come here to this room, propositioning him, stripping down to her panties and bra, spread out on his bed, and it had just been yesterday that he had touched her for the first time. The way she had kissed him and let him touch her, seemed like a good sign to him. He had thought he could win her over. He thought that there was a part of her that could love the messed up man he was.

And he had been right.

_I don't want to love you, Peeta._

But then those words that spliced at him had been said and Peeta felt as if she had reached into his chest and wrapped her delicate hands over his heart, and squeezed.

He thought of Katniss all of those years ago - crying on the roof as he did the same thing to her. If she wanted vengeance, it took her six years but she finally got it. She had successfully broke him like he had broken her. He had never felt this pain before. Not after he tried to end his life or what happened with them six years earlier, that had been numbing but this, this was something different. He felt like he couldn't breathe unless he told his lungs to release oxygen. He had her once. He almost had her again. He wanted more. He wanted her all of the time. He now knew what it meant to have Katniss in a way that no one else had experienced.

He couldn't let her go - not again. She loved him but she didn't want to. She wanted to fall out of love with him.

He couldn't let that happen.

Peeta knew what he had to do. He had known it six years ago and he still knew it. He had to tell her he loved her. He had to go and make the big gesture that he should have done all those years ago. He and to tell her everything and he could only hope and pray that she not only listened to him but believed in what he would say. He needed Katniss in his life. The past six years, he had barely felt like he was living. He had gone through each day as if he was some sort of ghost. He had been quiet but outgoing at Brown, he saw his far share of girlfriends and he even had his freshmen roommate that he still talked to from time to time. Some nights, he took advantage of the girls to try and attempt to forget the one girl who wouldn't leave him alone. The girl who caused him to have nightmares daily. But for six years, all he had wanted was her, nothing stopped that.

"Peet?" Rye said, pushing open the small door for the bedroom without knocking. "I'm gonna get going soon."

He hated that whenever he was home, Rye always told him when he was coming or going. But he guessed that was the price he had to pay after having his older brother find him foaming at the mouth all those years ago.

Rye looked at the state of his younger brother was in and sighed. "Peeta? You okay?" Peeta continued staring at the ceiling, not giving and indication that he had heard. He didn't move, didn't even move his eyes to look at Rye. "Peeta..despite all this bullshit we went through with ma'," He paused and sighed. "There's a reason you and Katniss have met up again after all of this time." He knew saying her name would get some kind of reaction. It did. "You can't fuck it up again. Who knows if you'll ever get a chance like this again."

Peeta remained silent while his eyes moved back up to the ceiling. "Growing up and seeing how mom treated dad..I just never expected anything to happen to me. I never thought I'd meet a girl and love her and want to be with her and feel this need to be there for her but then.." He couldn't believe he was saying this aloud. He couldn't believe he was even speaking. "But then I met Katniss." He turned his head to look at Rye again. "I was never good enough for her. I'm still not."

Rye stared at his brother. The familiar curls, the familiar jaw line, the familiar blue eyes. In his mind he saw his brother on their old bedroom floor all those years ago. He saw the pain in his brother before and he saw the pain in his brother after. "Who says your not good enough? Because you are, Peeta. You just - you have to believe it yourself. You need to fight for yourself and you need to fight for her, Peet. Show her the man I know. Show her the brother I love."

Peeta stared at his brother and felt some sort of clarity. His family wasn't much of a talking one, not unless they were being yelled at by their mother. But out of Micha and his father, he felt closest to Rye. Not just because of what happened when he tried to end his life but because of something else that couldn't be explained. Out of everything he was given in life, he was always grateful for his brother, Rye.

Peeta stood up, grabbing his jacket and tugging it on. "Lock up when you leave."

"Where are you going?" Rye asked, hoping that he already knew the answer.

"To get Katniss." He said and then with just those words, he left the apartment.

He ran away from the bakery toward her apartment. His lungs burned from the cold air but he didn't slow down. He strode up to the door with purpose and didn't hesitate a he brought his hand toward the door. He had to do this.

_I don't want to love you, Peeta._

Her words spurred him on. They were the fuel, his adrenaline. Katniss was going to love him. If there was anything he was sure of, this was it. He wasn't going to lose her - not again. Never again. Katniss was his and he was hers. He and fucked everything up. He would never deny that. They could be married for fifty years and if they got into a fight, Katniss would be able to throw that back in his face and he would let her. He was the reason they wasted so much time. He was the reason she didn't want to love him.

He knocked again, more like pounded against the small door. This was it. It was time for Katniss to know everything. He was going to sit her down and tell her how much he loved her, how much he had always loved her. If she wanted to slap him again, fine. As long as she listened. He just needed to talk to her and for her to listen to him. Too much time had passed without talking. She had been the most important thing to him and he had pushed her away and he hadn't even told her why. Six years later and Katniss still didn't know what had happened to them. He had to tell her.

No more secrets.

No more hiding.

He would fight to the death to have something with her.

It was time

The door opened and Peeta immediately released the hagged breathe that had finally caught up with him. Katniss stood there and Peeta knew that it had to mean something. She opened the door.

She stared at him, her mouth falling open slightly before snapping shut. For a moment, or maybe an hour, they stood there and stared at one another. Katniss hugged her arms over her stomach, shielding herself. Peeta wanted to snatch them up and force them around his body instead.

He didn't want her - he didn't want them, guarding themselves anymore.

"Peeta-."

"I love you." Peeta blurted out and Katniss's eyes snapped up from staring at the porch to look at him. His face showed the utmost sincerity. He meant it. "I have loved you since the moment I saw you in kindergarten and that's not just going away. I don't want it to go away. I love you and I want to be with you."

Katniss stared at him before shaking her head. "You can't, Peeta. You and me.." She shook her head again. "We had our shot."

"Bullshit." Peeta muttered. "Bullshit. This wasn't our one shot, Katniss." He snatched her hands, grasping them in his. "If that was our one shot, explain this weekend then. Explain to me why you kissed me in the bar or why we haven't been able to be apart since that night. This is our chance. We get another chance and I'm not going to let it go. This is real to me. This - this is real."

She shook her head again. "You don't love me. You can't."

"Well, I do. I love you so much that it drives me fucking crazy." He squeezed her hands. "I have loved you everyday for six years. I have thought of you everyday. Everything I have ever done has been for you."

Katniss yanked her hands away. "Everything you have ever done has been for me?" Her voice grew louder in disbelief. "Making me feel like worthless trash.. how was that for me? How was you breaking my heart six years ago, for me!" Her voice was loud and strong as she stared at him with narrow eyes. "You are a son of a fucking bitch, Peeta Mellark." She snapped and she pushed him away when he tried to grab her. "You broke my fucking heart! Do you know that? Do you have any idea of what you did to me when you-." She stopped as her voice cracked. She turned her eyes toward the floor. "You can't love me because the way you treated me - someone who loves someone would never treat them that way."

"Katniss - I want to tell you why I did what I did." Peeta said almost desperately. Wanting to kiss her and touch her was out of the question. The wall around both her body and her heart was up and he couldn't scale either of them. She was so close to him but further away than she ever had been.

She shook her head. "I don't want to hear it. Six years late, Peeta." She wrapped her arms back around herself, tighter than before. "Whatever excuse you have to help yourself sleep better at night.. well you can shove it. I don't care. You made your choice and lucky for me, I'm still living with it. I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to get on with my fucking life and leave you behind."

"I won't let you." His eyes narrowed stubbornly. "I love you, Katniss."

"Stop fucking saying that!"

"I love you, I love you, I love you." He said, over and over. "However many times you need to hear until you believe me, I'll keep saying it." She shook her head again but Peeta smiled when he saw something flash in her eyes. There was a crack in the system that was playing in her head. There was always a crack in the system and Peeta was smiling so brightly when he saw it. All it took to start winning her over was that one, small crack in her demeanor. "Go on a date with me tomorrow." Katniss looked at him in surprise. "I want to take you out on a date. The kind of date that a guy takes the girl he's in love with on."

Katniss stared at him. He had the nerve to come here and tell her all of these things that were making her heart ache for him. She hated him. He thought a date was going to salvage anything between them. It was too late for that. It was too late for them. She was a fool once, she couldn't do it again.

She didn't answer him. She took a step back into her apartment, so she was further away from him. So she couldn't slip into him.

"I'll pick you up at eight." Peeta said and grinned when she glared at him before slamming the door before him. He almost laughed with joy. She hadn't answered him - not even to say no. She hadn't said no. He finally had a date with Katniss Everdeen.

* * *

_Chapter Notes _

_A bit earlier than Wednesday but I couldn't wait. You got some more background on what happened between Katniss and Peeta, and how it all played out. We have a few more Six Years Before, before we are totally only in the present. I hope it works out for Peeta and Katniss but only time will tell!_

_The chapter title comes from,_ Adam Levine. _I saw the movie,_ Begin Again, _a few days ago and the song totally hit me. I recommend both the song and the movie. Very, very wonderful._

_When I think of my version of The Valley Song, I think of a song from the band, _The Oh Hello's, _called, The Valley. I picture it a slower version than their's but it really is a great song. I especially connect to the part, "We were born in the valley of the dead and the wicked. That our father's father found and where we laid him down. We were born in the shadow of the crimes of our fathers. Blood was our inheritance. No, we did not ask for this." Truly, a great song. Like all of the others._

_There will be a big part between Madge and Gale soon, so be ready. I just love how they all look out for Katniss even though she is to stubborn to ask for help. _

_The roof scene between Katniss and Peeta was very intense, I hope I stayed a bit to character, let me know what you think._

_I also really love the relationship between Peeta and Rye. It isn't the greatest, but it is something. I hinted in the first, Six Years Before that Rye was in the room with him when he woke up, which I think shows us something about Rye. I also had Rye be the one who found him. It makes Rye care more for Peeta, and we will see more of that soon. While I wrote Rye's and Peeta's scene, I played the song, _The Lament of Eustace Scrubb_ by _The Oh Hello_'_s_ (No idea why they kept playing while I wrote but they did.) The first verse which goes, "Brother, forgive me. We both know I'm the one to blame. When I saw my demons, I knew them well and welcomed them. __But I'll come around, s__omeday", really helped me write the scene. I think it adds a beautiful part to their story, again I highly recommend listening to it! _

_Again, I am blown away by you guys, I love hearing what you think, so feel free to ask me or tell me whatever you're feeling about this chapter. Until next Wednesday (maybe sooner hehe)! _


	7. Seven

Chapter Seven - The Moon Song

_Six Years Before _

Peeta worked his hands over the dough like it was easier than breathing because it was. His hands moved without thought, his eyes closed, his arms hurting along with the muscles running through his arms, his legs almost dead. He had forced himself to run almost six miles before his shift at the bakery. When he ran himself ragged, when he forced himself to go further, his mind was too tired to think and Peeta wanted nothing more than to stop thinking, but now, in the quietness of the small bakery, he had nothing else to do but think.

A week had passed since New Year's Even and the pain hadn't subsided in his chest like he thought it would have by now. He wondered if it would ever go away. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her. He saw the pain against her perfect face, the tears she rarely showed, the look of utter hurt and betrayal. All because of him.

He was the one who made her look at him like that. He had hurt her. He had seen her in school, walking past him in the hallways, even though he pretended not to look, he always saw her. It was as if his eyes were magically drawn to her. The first day of school back from the holiday break, he saw her standing at her locker. Her hair in the dark twisted braid it usually was in, wearing one of her father's old sweats and jeans, she looked gorgeous to him. But then she turned to say something to Thom and Gale, who had come up to her and Peeta saw the circles under her eyes and the sadness of those piercing grey irises. He felt sick. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He felt like he had when he woke up with a tube down his throat.

He kept telling himself that this was for the best. That he wasn't a good guy, that he would break her easier than he could break himself. He was fucked up. Everything in his life was fucked up. From his picture perfect family, to the dark bruises he used to hide. Ever since the hospital, his mother hadn't even looked in his direction. He wondered what Katniss would think if she ever found out about his moment of weakness. He never allowed himself to think of that for long. He was sparing her, saving her from a life that was disastrous. Peeta knew that if he actually had her, he would never let her go and she deserved more than being dragged to the pits of Hell because of the demons he carried in his own head.

Well, that's what he kept telling himself.

But God, he missed her. He knew he would but he wasn't prepared for the feeling that consumed him. The feeling of being completely empty. The ache a constant reminder that all of this was his fault. Nothing mattered to him anymore and it was because of that, that he decided to throw himself head first into school and working at the bakery. He would try to maintain the highest GPA in his class and he would get just enough money from working at the bakery, to have some extra cash when he attended Brown in the fall. He didn't have Katniss anymore. Brown was all he had left.

He kneaded the bread until it was finished but remainder standing there, his hands still pressed against the dough, his head still bowed, for a few more minutes. It was a little bit after six o'clock, so soon the small deserted bakery would be closed for the night and he could go pass out upstairs. He hadn't been able to catch a wink of sleep at his parents house. He refused to call it home. He missed the nights where Katniss would sit on top of the counter next to him, reading to herself or talking animatedly about her sister or something that happened in school that day. They would talk for hours, teasing and joking and just being there together. Together. He loved all of the time he had spent with Katniss but it was those times, sitting with her in the darkened bakery after hours that he cherished more than the moments in the bedroom upstairs or the long days at school.

Finally he released the dough and worked at placing it into the proper pans for it to rise overnight. He let his fingers do all of the work, refusing to let anything else get in his way. Once he was finished, he pulled out his phone. He tortured himself and looked at the past few messages from her.

_[Katniss Everdeen][Delivered 4:34 PM]: _**Prim keeps singing that Flo Rida song. Send help. I'm gonna try to call you later :)**

_[Katniss Everdeen][Delivered 1:03 AM]:_** I'm so happy we talked, FINALLY. I miss you. I can't wait to see you. **

He quickly closed out of the messages and into the photos on his phone. They were grainy but they were there. There was a picture that Madge had taken on his phone a few weeks ago, that was still the background of his phone. Just looking at it, gave him a blinding ache in his chest but it also made him smile. It was taken a two days after Thanksgiving. Everyone was hanging out at the Hawthorne's and enjoying the small break they had before school starting back up. Katniss was sitting across his lap, with her lips pressed against his cheek and he was smiley brightly in the direction of the phone. He wasn't even sure Katniss knew that photo existed.

Even if he changed the picture, he knew that it wouldn't do anymore good. In just a short time, Katniss Everdeen had completely embedded herself into his mind and he couldn't get her out. He didn't want to though. They had shared so much together in such a short amount of time. She was a part of him and Peeta knew that she would always be. She had changed his life and how did he repay her? He almost ended his life and then pushed her away, making her cry. Just thinking of her crying, caused him to take a deep, unsteady breath. He just wanted to pain to stop. He would never forgive himself.

"Peet, we need to talk."

He flashed his eyes up and saw Finnick slowly make his way toward the front counter. He hadn't even heard the front door open. Peeta didn't say anything. He shoved his phone into his pocket and ran his fingers through his hair. He had learned that Finnick was the one to try and console Katniss and then take her home. Peeta was surprised that he hadn't approached him sooner about what happened on New Year's Eve. Peeta knew that Finnick wanted to talk about it and it seemed that he had chosen now as the opportunity to do just that.

"I would kill to have what you have." Finnick said bravely, staring intently on the curly blonde before him. "Most people spend a lot of their lives trying to get to where you are and the worst thing about it all is you don't even realize how lucky you are."

You're a very lucky man, Peeta. The doctor's words started swimming around his his head. His jaw clenched just a bit tighter as he looked at Finnick directly. He didn't want to hear anything his friend had to say.

"You're one of my best friends, Peeta, but right now, all I want to do is punch you." Finnick said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I had to fucking hold her. Katniss Everdeen needed to be held and she cried for hours. I didn't know a person could even cry that much." Peeta closed his eyes, clenching them shut, the dull throb in his chest growing worse. "That is now how I pictured spending my finally New Year's Eve home."

Peeta narrowed his eyes. "Then why did you?"

"Because Katniss is my friend." Finnick said. "And some fucking asshole decided to break her heart and treat her like she was nothing."

Peeta didn't say anything. He crossed his arms tightly across his chest and stared down at the ground. The familiar feelings were swarming into his chest. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't stand the thought of Katniss crying, especially because of him. He wanted to push her away. He wanted to keep her safe from him but the thought of Katniss crying, of wasting her tears over someone like him, the thought alone made him almost sob.

"You had one of the greatest girls in the whole entire town." Finnick paused then sighed. "I'm gonna ask Katniss to the winter formal." That made Peeta's head jerk up to look at him, glowering. Finnick bit back a smirk. "Do you have any idea how many guys have been waiting to get in the place you were in?" Finnick merely shrugged as he shoved his hands into his jacket. "You lost her but I guess that's what you wanted."

Peeta stood tall, completely enraged. He clenched his fists at his side until the knuckles turned white. He had no right to punch Finnick. He knew that. He knew he had no one to blame but himself but that didn't mean he didn't feel like punching the crap out of the guy before him. However, getting into a fight with Finnick in his parent's bakery wasn't going to do anything. He would still feel like that. The ache in his chest wasn't going to go away. So after taking a deep breath, he turned on his heels and headed up toward the apartment above.

He tried to tell himself that this was for the best. By no being around Katniss, he was doing her a favor. It may not have seemed like that but doing this, pushing her away, he had done it for her. He kept telling himself. He had done it for her. He had hurt her, but in a few years, she would forget about this heartache. She found find a guy who actually deserved her. But even as Peeta told himself all of this, reminded himself of his reasons, all he wanted to do was go to Katniss and beg her to forgive him. Because although he had confidence that she would be able to move on past him, Peeta already knew that he would never, ever be able to get over her.

…

_Six Years Later _

Katniss looked at her reflection in the full length mirror standing in the corner of her bedroom, wondering how she ended up standing exactly where she was. It was just a few minutes before eight and she couldn't believe she was getting ready to do on a date with Peeta Mellark. She should have straight up told him no. She should have refused and then stayed away from him. Her shift at the hospital that morning was a complete blur, her mind had been so occupied with thoughts and memories of Peeta. He loved her or he at least claimed he was. How could she believe him? Or anything that came out of his mind for that matter? She didn't trust him, she couldn't. Yet, she found herself getting ready to go on a date with him.

She tugged at the hem of her dress nervously. She couldn't even remember the last time she wore a dress willingly. She couldn't believe this. She was dresses up for someone who broke her heart. Peeta didn't deserve a date from her. He didn't deserve anything from her. Telling him that she loved him had been such a huge step for her and had been one she thought she would never be able to take. But lying with him in her bed, looking up at him as he laid above her, she knew that her love for him wouldn't just be ignored. Seeing him again, being with him after all this time, had opened up so many old wounds that felt like burns across her skin. She could ignore them for as long as she wanted but they would always be there.

Katniss sighed, turning around and looking at herself over her shoulder so she could see the reflection of her back. She wore a dark blue thin-strapped cotton dress with a gray satin sash under her bodice. It was one of her mother's old dresses and it happened to be her favorite one. Her hair had been put up in an intricate braid that her hands learned to do without thinking years ago. She half tempted to pull it down, Peeta like her hair down - but she wasn't going to do anything that evening to please him. She couldn't even get over the fact he had told her he loved her and then practically demanding that she go out with him.

She let out a large groan. Peeta Mellark certainly hadn't changed much. Once a sweet talker, always a sweet talker. And that asshole thought that just because he told her he loved her, she would do anything he wanted her to do.

She had meant what she said to him. She loved him but she didn't want too. She didn't want to at all.

She ran her fingers down her dress and slipper her feet into the gray ballet flats that she found hidden in her closets minutes before. The buzzer chirped, echoing throughout the quiet apartment and Katniss felt her stomach tighten as she grabbed a gray zipped hooded sweatshirt, hoping to give her appearance a slightly more casual look. The buzzer sounded again but Katniss still did no leave her small safe haven to go answer it. Instead, she went to her dress and opened the small jewelry box Prim had given her years ago for Christmas. Shifting through the pointless nick-nacks, she reached the bottom of the small wooden box, locating what she was looking for without a second thought.

Katniss lifted the pearl necklace from the box and held it in front of her face, watching as it hung strong against the thing chain. The buzzer rang for the third time as Katniss took the small pearl between her fingers, slowly, carefully analyzing the small bumps of the almost perfect circle. The day he gave it to her, she swore she would never take it off but after the night on the roof, she hadn't worn it again. She had buried it at the bottom of her jewelry box, not having the slightest strength to get rid of it entirely, hoping that one day, the boy who gave it to her would come back to her.

As she stared at the small pearl, her fingers began to tremble and she clenched her eyes shut when the all-too familiar tears began to sting.

Tossing the necklace back into the box carelessly and slamming the lid shut, she took a deep breathe and then left her bedroom, walking quickly down the small hallway when the buzzer rang a fourth time. She looked through the peep-hole but was only greeted with a bounce of blonde curls. She didn't know if she could do this. Why was she even doing this? She was making the same mistakes she had when she was eighteen. Letting him in, getting close to him again. She didn't want to get hurt. Why was she even considering doing this to herself? She shouldn't go to him. She should just ignore the stupid buzzer and his perfect hair on the other side of the door.

As soon as she opened the door to him, Peeta thrust a small patch of sunflowers toward her. He was smiling eagerly and Katniss couldn't help but smile briefly as she looked down at the sunflowers now in her hands.

"Ms. Coin still has her flower shop, it was pretty mobbed today - being black friday and all. That's all she really had left." He explained, watching as she smiled down at the flowers. She seemed to like them and Peeta breathed out a sight of relief.

"Thank you." Katniss said softly, finally lifting her eyes to look at him. He had gone for a casual look as well. Blue jeans, a white button down shirt rolled up to his elbows. He looked far too handsome and she hated it. "I should put them in water." She trailed off, unable to think clearly when those blue eyes were focused so intently on her as they were now. She quickly turned and disappeared down the hallway toward the kitchen, knowing that Peeta would follow her. She heard the quiet click of the door as he closed it behind him and then she stood at the sink, filling a small pitcher with water for the flowers, she felt his presence close behind her. Her breathe catching in her throat as he stood directly behind her and his hands came onto the counter on either side of her. Boxing her in. Trapping her.

Peeta couldn't help himself. The instant she opened the door, he almost stopped breathing. She looked so perfect. She looked like Katniss. He lowered his head to the crook of her neck, brushing some of her hair away, feeling her tense slightly but then when she understood what he was doing, she relaxed and he smiled faintly as she leaned back slightly against his chest. He knew that she wanted to keep herself from him but he had the same problem with her. He couldn't even try to deny how much he was simply drawn to her. He dropped his nose to the side of her neck and inhaled the familiar smell.

"You smell like Spring." He said softly before placing a series of light kisses on the side of her throat, on of his hands come to rest against her hip.

Katniss remained still, certain that she wouldn't be able to speak past the lump lodged in the middle of her throat. Her body tingled at the feeling of his lips on her skin and his hand on her. Her body started to flare to life and she had to bite her lip to keep from moaning. Peeta had no problem groaning softly though as he felt Katniss rub slightly against the growing bulge in the front of his jeans. He naturally thrusted forward, her hips brushing against the counter in front of her. She gasped when Peeta lifted his other hand from the counter and cupped one of her breasts, his thumb brushing over her nipple, instantly hardening it into a stiff nub. Her head fell back against his shoulder as he began sucking on the pulse point where her neck met her shoulder and she moaned softly.

They were in a fog, for a good time. They didn't know how much time has past but it didn't matter. Peeta broke away first, gasping for air and trying to recollect himself. he took a few steps back, taking deep breaths, running his hand over his head, clenching his eyes shut. Katniss turned around to look at him, watching him as he found with his body to get himself back under control again.

Katniss was breathing heavily as well. Her skin was flushed and she was certain that her heart was pounding as quickly, if not more, than his. She distracted herself for a moment, turning back to the sink, taking the pitcher that was now filled with more than enough water and took the sunflowers to place them into the small pitcher, smiling as she did. They were beautiful.

"Okay." Peeta said, taking a deep breath. "The movie I want to take you to isn't until ten but I have an idea of what to do until then."

Katniss nodded, deciding that since he had practically demand her to go on this date, that she wouldn't speak unless it was necessary.

Peeta waited, watching and smiling as she situated the pitcher in the center of a small round wooden table. He planned on getting her a large bouquet of roses but once he got to the small florist shop, it was like the sunflowers called out to him. They were so perfect. They were so perfect for her.

And then, he opened the door for her, smiling at her, his hands itching to touch her, even in the simplest of ways. But he controlled himself. This entire date had to go perfectly and it wasn't going to if he kept touching her because then they would only get as far as the back seat and Katniss deserved better than that. She deserved a real, perfect, head over heels, first date. He rushed ahead and unlocked the blue pick-up he had borrowed from Rye for the night and opened the front passenger door for her. She gave him a timid smile but before she could climb up in her seat, he grabbed a hold of her hand. Katniss looked at him questionably and he smirked softly before he leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips.

"You look beautiful, Katniss." He said softly. "I hope you have fun tonight, you deserve it." Katniss nodded her head so softly that if he wasn't staring at her, he wouldn't have seen the movement. She stepped up into the small truck and slid into her seat. Peeta stared at her but her attention was focused on the hem of her dress. With a small sigh, he closed the door and then walked around the front, going to the driver's side. All he wanted for the night was to spend time with her. To see her smile, laugh and to kiss her. He wanted her to be happy with him -carefree even, like she used to be. He wasn't stupid, he knew this date wasn't going to fix everything but it was a start and he was going to try.

Katniss couldn't help but laugh as Peeta tugged on her hand as he pulled her through the crowded parking lot. They were headed toward the familiar building. The Cornucopia Family Fun Center was packed to the brim. It wasn't the most romantic of setting but Peeta wanted Katniss to have fun and he hoped she would be bale to have fun with him here.

"So do you want to kick my ass in mini golf or archery first?" Peeta asked her, standing in front of her, holding both of her hands, watching her with a smile he hadn't been on the end of in the longest time. "Your choice, Everdeen."

Katniss looked around for a moment. She couldn't help but grin. He was trying, that was certain. He wanted her to have fun. He wanted her to relax. And she was grateful for the effort. She looked up at him, his blue eyes twinkling in excitement and content. She gently squeezed his hands. "How about you try and get me one of those big, cheap stuffed animals?"

Peeta laughed and nodded his head slowly. "At your service, Everdeen." He tugged her close, draping an arm over her shoulders and they both walked toward the building where all of the gamers were located. "I know just the game."

After feeing the change machine a twenty and getting a handful of golden tokens in return, Katniss laughed when she saw the game Peeta was tugging her toward. Peeta only grinned as he fed the game of ski-ball two tokens, watching as six balls rolled down toward him.

Katniss shook her head and she watched his gently throw the hard balls up with ease. Each of them landing in the 500 circular spot. Witch each shot made, red tickets spewed from the mating in a long line. Katniss couldn't help but laugh as at one point, Peeta completely looked away form the game he was playing to watch her.

"You're still a winning tribute to this game." She teased, motioned to the tickets spewing out onto the floor.

He grinned and turned back toward the task at hand. "What can I say? I'm trying to win my girl a stuffed animal."

Katniss felt herself redden at the comment. She watched as he threw the last hard ball perfectly. When the game chimed at the high score, Peeta bent down, ripping the tickets off and handing them to katniss so she could count before feeding the game two more tokens. The six balls rolled down to him again and Katniss couldn't help but laugh once more as Peeta smirked upon getting the ball in the circle 500 spot once again. She watched him and she tried to keep herself from getting too close, to admitting to both of them that she was having but, but she was. Just from standing there and watching him with his determination to win tickets for her, she was having fun. She always had fun with Peeta though. There was a side to him that she knew few people actually really truly got the chance to see. And that scared her. There was this side that she saw, and then the side of him that she had no idea what it was. There was Peeta Mellark, the baker's son from Panem, Virginia and then there was Peeta Mellark, the art teacher from Jamestown, New York.

A small crowd of children were forming around them as the game started to play loud music at the fact of the winnings Peeta was getting. Katniss laughed, clapping her hands as Peeta once again won the game. Peeta grinned, leaning over and smacking a playful kiss on her cheek. He bent down and ripped the tickets off, hanging them to her again before holding up two tokens. Katniss laughed, nodding her head and Peeta laughed as well before slipping the tokens into the machine. The children had formed a small circle around them, clapping and cheering as they saw that Peeta was going to continue the game. He glanced at Katniss and felt his heart slam against his chest. He couldn't believe he was on a date with Katniss Everdeen. This was his dream. Well, part of it. His complete dream involved her being all his for the rest of their lives.

When he was eighteen, the feelings he had for her, consumed him. Especially when he realized that he loved her. He envisioned them growing older, getting married, having kids. Six years later, those visions were still in his mind and remaining quiet active. She was laughing and smiling and she was talking to him, which she hadn't been doing at her apartment.

"Wanna play some archery?" He asked her when the timer buzzed and he collected the rest of the tickets. Katniss nodded her head, smiling, and putting her hand in his, he led her through the crowds to the back of the building where the archery game was located. He leaned against the wall and hander her a coin.

"You don't want to play?" She asked, her brow furrowed slightly but he shook his head smiling. She looked at him, biting on her bottom lip. She wanted to tell him something, or rather ask. She wanted to know why he had been so adamant to go on this date. She want dot know why, after all of this time, he was so determined to spend time with her and be with her. She was exhausted from all this knowing and unknowing, all this wondering. She couldn't go on with Peeta only knowing the reasons behind everything that had happened or rather hadn't happened.

She wasn't sure why but she stepped forward, standing in front of him, so close to him that their chest grazed another. She lifted her arms, wrapped them around his neck and pulled him into a hug. Peeta didn't question her actions and he simply circled his arm around her, tugging her to him, pressing her body against him, holding her to him, wanting to do anything he could so she wouldn't let go. It wasn't the most romantic settings. Buzzers and sounds of fake guns and screams surrounded them, people shouting and laughing - it wasn't romantic at all, actually. But standing there, hugging her, Peeta didn't wish to be anywhere else. As Katniss pulled away though, he saw tears strewing down her cheeks. He cupped her face, swiping at the tears and she turned her attention toward the floor.

"Katniss? What's wrong?" He asked, almost pleadingly. "I want you to have the perfect night."

She shook her head slightly. "I was - I am." She quickly corrected herself. She paused, looking up and staring at him. She couldn't help but cry looking at him. She had never felt this conflicted, this torn, before and it didn't particular surprise her that it was Peeta that made her feel this way. "Why did you leave, Peeta?" She asked suddenly. "Why did you leave? Why did you come back after all this time? What did I do wrong?" Tears streamed down her face and her voice shook as she pleaded with him for answers. "Why didn't you want me? I loved you and you didn't want me. I thought.." She choked on the words and put a hand over her mouth, bowing her head, trying to hide herself from him.

Peeta realized that perhaps The Cornucopia Family Fun Center was not the best place to have this conversation but he didn't want to have this conversation yet. He had something planned for her and he wanted her to enjoy it before they talked about everything. He knew they had to talk about it, about before. He couldn't let katniss go on thinking that he didn't want her. That she had done something - anything, that had made him leave.

Katniss didn't even realize as Peeta took her hand and led her to the ticket counter, where he redeemed the tickets for a small stuffed deer. She kept her hand over her mouth, willing her tears to stop. She knew she shouldn't have gone out of this date. Was she a sick masochist? All this date did was show what she could have had with him and what she couldn't have anymore. This date did nothing for her but make her love him and she was trying to get past that. She needed to get over him.

Peeta drove them to the movie theater. Katniss sat in the passenger seat of the truck, the deer in her lap, her eyes turned out to the window, hiding her face from him. Peeta had turned off the radio and the truck was silent as Peeta rolled them down the streets they both knew so well. Katniss had been expecting him to take her to the multiplex a town over but he parked in the small narrow parking lot next to the Panem Theater, the small theater in town that usually showed classics, popular 80's films or indie films. Katniss dragged Peeta to this theater a few times before when they were in high school. They would show some of her favorite old movies that she used to watch with her father. Peeta sometimes complained but he always sat with her and even found himself liking a few.

He jogged to her side of the truck and opened her door but before she could step out, he turned her in her seat so she was facing him. Her knees pressed into his chest as he leaned forward, resting both of his hands on either side of her. "I love you, Katniss." He told her softly and she nodded, not responding. Not knowing how to respond. She love shim too but she didn't want to say that as a response.

Saying it back would make it permeant. They couldn't be together, they wouldn't ever be together. After this weekend, and their arrangement was over and done, Peeta would return to Jamestown and Katniss would continue on with her quiet life, helping others at the hospital and watching crappy movies at night while she FaceTimed her sister. She and Peeta weren't meant to be. She had to constantly tell herself that. Maybe if she said it enough times, she would start to understand and come to accept it herself.

Peeta held her hand, intertwining their their fingers as he led her to the front of the theater, hoping she loved this as much as he thought she would. The sign taped over the old ticket stand made Katniss catch her breath. [ONE NIGHT ONLY GOONIES.10:00 PM]

Katniss whipped her head to look at him and Peeta smiled timidly, wiping the back of his neck with his free hand, shrugging.

"I know it's your favorite movie and I remember that they used to show it here a lot because you dragged - literally dragged me here every time to see it. So I called ahead and asked if they could show it tonight." Peeta explained as he shrugged once more.

Katniss pushed herself up on her toes and threw her arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his lips. Her mouth moved over his and Peeta took that as a sign that she liked it. One of his arms wrapped around her waist and his other hand came to rest on the back of her head, kissing her deeper. The kiss was consuming. Heavy. Hard. Their bodies molding together and Katniss brought her fingers to his hair as Peeta's tongue entered her mouth without hesitation, making her moan softly into his mouth. Her head spun as Peeta kissed her.

Katniss slowly pulled away from him and stared into his eyes as he slowly blinked them open. Her eyes were burning slightly from crying. She shook her head slightly, her arms, remaining around his neck, her body pressed against his. "Why are you doing this? I want to hate you. I really want to hate you but then you go and do something like this and I.." She trailed off, her eyes closing. "Why did you do this?"

Peeta lifted a hand to her face, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen out of her undo, behind her ear. "Because I love you, Katniss. More than I've ever loved anything else." He said softly, staring into her grey eyes that almost looked black. He swallowed the lump in his throat and carefully leaned forward to peek at her lips before pulling away and staring at her. She wouldn't want to hear what he had to say but he wanted to say this. He had to. It was the main thing on his mind and it was the only think he could think of saying to her. She stared at her patiently, and consumingly. "And mostly because I want to marry you."

* * *

_Chapter Notes_

_Hey ya'll! I love hearing from you all, it makes my day! A lot of people are liking and not liking Peeta and it makes me so happy to hear your thoughts. I'm not sure i even like him that much but only time will tell what your ending thought of him is. _

_Check out my tumblr, I'm going to start posting small snips of Cosmic Love there and a few of a piece I'm just starting! I hope to post that within the next few days, tomorrow or tonight even! Again by tumblr is, baobhansith2323 dot tumblr dot com :)_

_The chapter title comes from _Karen O_, from her award winning song from the movie _Her. _My favorite lyrics from the song are, "We're lying on the moon. It's a perfect afternoon, your shadow follows me all day. Making sure that I'm okay and we're a million miles away." I feel like that is a great song about the relationship between Katniss and Peeta at this point. _

_The texts from Katniss are from the night Peeta tried to kill himself._

_I had to bring back the pearl necklace, it will make another __appearance, soon! _

_The Cornucopia Family Fun Center - kind of ironic, right? _

The Goonies, _don't belong to me but it was my favorite movie as a kid. I have very distinct memories of watching it with my dad when I was younger. Goonies never say die! _

_What do you all think Katniss will say to Peeta's ending confession? Let me know! Until the next time! _


	8. Eight

A/N: I now have a lovely beta, **everlarkcheesebuns. **I owe her so much for this lovely chapter and for editing it so quickly, she is very wonderful!

* * *

Chapter Eight - Moon River

"What?" Katniss said softly. She stared at him, her eyes wide with surprise as she pulled her arms away from his neck and took a step back from him as if he had burnt her. Peeta didn't like the distance between them. She was constantly putting distance between them, and this time he grabbed her arms to keep her from putting more space between them. She was too shocked or in her own head to even fight him on the gesture. She only continued to stare up at him.

Peeta stared at her, watching her face closely for a reaction. Right now, she seemed to be glazed over in a sort of nirvana. He was shocked as well - he definitely did not plan on just blurting out the ideas and words that have been playing repeatedly inside of his mind. She had to know how serious he was about them being together. He wanted to marry her. He wasn't suggesting that they get married in the next ten minutes or let alone tomorrow. He knew that it was going to take time for her to even let him fully back into her life. He knew that it would take them awhile before they could get back to the way things used to be between them, but he wanted her to know just how serious he was about his love for her and how much he wanted to be with her.

Katniss shook her head in disbelief, a dull beat throbbing on the side of her head. There was no way that he just said what she thought he had. She had to have been hearing things, she always takes hearing tests lightly but maybe she needed to re-evaluate them. She knew Peeta wouldn't be stupid enough to say such things to her. She would say that he couldn't be so cruel, that it had to be an impulsive mistake on his part, but she had been at the receiving end of his cruelty once before; though she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he just wasn't thinking when he said that, her defenses immediately went up, guarding her. She stared at him, now wondering if he was playing some kind of joke on her.

She cleared her throat, feeling the sting of tears hit her eyes but she forced herself not to let them drop. She hated being vulnerable. She hated being vulnerable in front of him. She couldn't take this anymore. She squared her shoulders, took a deep breath and focused on him, swallowing the ball in her throat as she tried to ignore the stabbing sensation inside of her. "Let me just ask." She said, praying that her voice was steady. "If I-." She swallowed once more before she spoke again. "If I hadn't walked up to you Tuesday night and kissed you, would you have even tried to come and find me?"

"I was always going to come for you." Peeta said, gripping her arms though his hold had loosened just a bit. It was still strong enough to keep Katniss from moving away from him. "I didn't mean that we should get married tomorrow or a week from now, but Katniss..." He swallowed the lump in his throat, now feeling young, naïve, and a bit drunk on nerves. "I've wanted to marry you since I was eighteen."

She blinked in response. Remaining silent for a moment, she did something she really didn't mean to do: she burst out laughing. Peeta looked at her, hurt by her reaction as he wasn't prepared for that type of response, and slowly released his hold on her. Katniss stepped away from him, still laughing. She knew that if she didn't laugh, she would break down into tears. She shook her head, put a hand over her heart and tried to contain her laughter. "You're such a fucking asshole, Peeta."

Peeta opened his mouth to speak, but Katniss continued to speak which kept him from doing so.

"Are you listening to yourself right now? Do you have any idea what saying this does to me? Or do you not even care?" She demanded, her laughter completely gone. "I don't even know why I'm questioning you. You don't care about anyone but yourself."

"Katniss, I care about you. I love you." He said in a surprisingly strong voice. He knew that this particular conversation had been inevitable between them but he had hoped they would be able to finish the rest of the evening before they talked about all of this.

Katniss shook her head quickly. "Stop saying that! You don't love me!" She nearly shouted at him. Her voice began to tremble, showing her true emotions. "If you love me, then where have you been? I have waited for you for six years! How pathetic am I for thinking that you were ever coming back, even though everything was pushing me to move past you! If you love me, where the fuck have you been, Peeta? Certainly not pining after me."

Peeta took a step toward her, but she countered it was a backstop of her own. "Do you have any idea how many times I've picked up the phone to call you or started to write you a letter or a fucking email? Everyday for the past six years. All I've ever wanted was you."

"Then what stopped you, Peeta?" Her voice was loud, and if she hadn't hiccuped at the end of his name, he might have believed she wasn't as troubled by the thought as he was.

"You!" Peeta shouted back. He wanted to keep his composure when he told her all of this, but her own anger and hurt was rolling off in waves and crashing down all around him. He felt as if he was being drowned by all of her emotions being thrown at him, and he hated that this is what he had done to her. Ever since he had come back into her life, she had been so confused, hurt, angry, and distant. He knew that it was all his fault. He hated himself for doing this to her. Maybe he should just walk away.

"Me?" Katniss stared at him in bewilderment. "I was the one who stopped you from coming back?" She crossed her arms over her stomach, guarding herself from him. She shook her head slightly. Her voice lowered to a softer tone. She didn't even seem to be talking to him anymore. "For the past six years, as I practically obsessed about this, I never thought that it was be me that… Oh God." She whispered, not looking at him - looking everywhere but him as her eyes glassed over. "It was me. I thought I had done something. I just - I didn't know what. I tried to think of everything." She finally locked eyes with him. "After the new year, and we were back in school, I would watch you; I would try to replay everything that happened the last time we were together, back in the meadow. I tried to think of what I did, or I guess what I didn't do that would have made you treat me the way you did."

Peeta shook his head, striding to her, putting his hands around her arms again. "You didn't do anything, Katniss. This is all my fault. You didn't - God, you didn't do anything. I did. I-." Katniss looked up at him expectedly, unsurely, cautiously, and he sighed. He wondered how this was all going to end between them, because he was certain that when he told her everything, she would want nothing to do with him. He took a step away from her although he was desperate to keep touching her. "I've liked you since I was little. It was easier than breathing I guess." She was staring at him, but he couldn't look at her - not when he said all of this. He took another step away from her, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I've loved you since Rye's birthday dinner - or maybe I always have but that's when I knew. It scared me how strong it was but it made me feel things I've never felt before. You made me happy. You made me feel as if I could do anything. You made me feel like I wasn't this… waste of space."

Katniss stared at him, watching him, listening to every word that fell from his perfect mouth. Her stomach was in knots as he talked. This was it. Six years later, and she was finally going to know the reasons behind everything. She was nervous and scared shitless. She had no idea what he was going to say, and it seemed that he was having a hard time choosing his words as well, something that never was hard for him before. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and began rubbing at an invisible spot of dirt in his palm with his thumb, staring down at that instead of looking at her. Katniss's anticipation grew, and her throat tightened. She didn't know if she wanted to hear the words he had to say; she was terrified of what they might be.

"Do you remember that assignment Delly and Madge had in home economics?" Peeta asked, then continued before she could answer. "Everyone in the class was paired off, and they were married or single or whatever and they had professions and incomes and they had to create their finances for a household or some shit like that." He took a breath and continued. "One day at lunch, Delly came to the table with all of these wedding magazines, and she was planning this elaborate wedding to have. It was uncanny considering she was paired with Marvel, and neither of them had the jobs that could pay for a wedding like that."

Katniss nodded again as she remembered the memory. Marvel had been assigned to be a coal miner, who had been injured on the job, and was at home, collecting disability, while Delly had been assigned to be a waitress at a small diner. They were engaged, living in a one bedroom apartment, and they both had debts to pay off. Nonetheless, Delly had been determined to find a way to pay for the wedding she had always wanted. The teacher had later given her an 'A' for showing creativity with spending the little funds she and Marvel had.

"I remember you and me were sitting next to each other and though you pretended to not show any interest, you took one of the wedding magazines and started flipping through it." Peeta forged on. "I was watching you, and you had this small, rare smile on your lips." He was close enough to reach his hand out and brush his thumb across her lips. Their eyes locked together. "You were staring at this one dress in particular; I had leaned over to look at it too, and I could vividly picture you wearing it. Then I pictured you, wearing that dress... for me." He dropped his hand and stuffed it back into his pocket. "It terrified me. I mean, how many eighteen year olds picture getting married?" He shrugged his shoulders, staring at her as if he was studying her for a painting. "But I love you. I had loved you so much already. Even though thinking about getting married scared me a little bit, it felt right. Thinking about having that with you, it seemed easier than anything I've ever tried before. I wanted to be with you, Katniss. I never wanted anyone else the way I wanted you."

Katniss stepped up to him, touching his arm with one of her hands. She tilted her head up, so she could look directly at him. "What happened, Peeta?"

Peeta stared at her. He was certain his throat had never been this dry before. "I was going to tell you on New Year's Eve." He said softly. Upon hearing the date, memories of what actually happened on that night instantly flooded her mind, and she took a step away from him again. Her arms crossed over herself as she guarded herself again. "I had it all planned out. I was going to take you to the roof, and I was going to tell you at midnight."

Katniss closed her eyes, feeling a tear escape down her cheek. It sounded so sweet and so perfect - so Peeta. It sounded like a dream. And knowing that it was meant to be a reality, and that it never came, made her chest ache. When she opened her eyes again, she found Peeta also looking visibly upset. He had turned away from her, facing the theater doors, not having the strength to look at her.

"Over break, when I was at my grandparents', my mom - she kept getting under my skin. Everything I did, she pulled apart. Every word I uttered was wrong. Even - even fucking breathing was wrong to her." He looked down at the ground. "It was awful. I missed you, so bad. I couldn't believe how much I missed you and you just - I'm not blaming you for anything. This was all my fault."

Katniss swallowed the lump in her throat. "What was?"

Peeta spun around suddenly and looked at her. "I was never good enough for you, Katniss." Before she could interject, he continued on. "You didn't realize it, but you could have had any guy you wanted. You could have been with a good guy, someone who was smart and made you laugh. Someone who was stronger that I ever could be, someone who would never leave you." He sighed, rubbing his hands over his head. His thoughts were scattered, and his words were barely leaving his mouth in a way that made sense. "The day you called me - was a bad day. My mom was going on about what a failure I was - she was hitting me in all the spots that she knew would hurt - I just wanted it to stop."

"What are you saying?"

Peeta froze, and he shut his eyes as he allowed the words to leave his mouth. "I took a bottle of pills. I didn't even care what I was doing. I was away from you for a couple of days, and even though I loved you more than anything - I didn't fucking care that I was going to leave you in the most horrible way."

Katniss stared at him, her heart pounding in her ears, her eyes stinging with tears. Her chest hurt as she looked at him. She didn't know what to say to him. She stared at him, but even doing that hurt her. She had known something had happened while he had been away on vacation. She just never had any kind of idea as to what it was. And now she knew. Her stomach twisted painfully as images of a bruised Peeta Mellark flooded her mind. She was going to throw up. She turned away from him.

"When I woke up in the hospital, I was scared out of my mind. I felt like I had left you, and then I thought that if we did get together..it could happen again. I never wanted to hurt you. I wouldn't be able to stand it if we were together, and I screwed up like that…" Peeta trailed off, taking a step toward her but stopping himself.

"So you pushed me away." She said softly, barely above a whisper. When she realized that he hadn't heard, she turned to fully look at him. "So you pushed me away. You wanted nothing to do with me."

"I wanted everything to do with you, Katniss. I just couldn't-."

"Hurt me." Katniss interrupted, trying to understand his train of thought. Her head was pounding now as she struggled to understand, she might still be in shock. "You didn't want to hurt me, so you pushed me away. Distanced yourself from me. You love me, so you kept yourself away from me. You stayed away because you didn't want to break my heart." She stared at him, shaking her head slightly. "I thought - I thought -." She looked at the ground as she began to cry.

"Katniss, you have no idea how badly I wanted to tell you." Peeta said, going to her but not touching her. He knew that his touches were the last thing she needed right now. "I wanted to just go to you everyday and tell you what happened but I - I knew you could do better than me. I was a weak guy Katniss. I was unstable, and I couldn't put you through that. I'm still not enough."

"Peeta." Katniss whispered, lifting her head to look at him. "I would have been there for you. I would have helped you - I would have-." Her voice choked. Images were fluttering in her mind, images she knew would haunt her for some time. The truth had come out, and although she had yearned for it for so long, the words didn't help her in the slightest. In fact, they did the exact opposite. "I would have been there for you because that's what we do, we protect each other."

"Katniss, I was the lowest I had ever been in my life. Do you really think you could handle that? I almost died because I was stupid enough to let my mother get to me. If I told you that I loved you, and then I told you about what happened, would you have wanted to even look at me?"

Katniss stared at him. "Yes." She whispered. She slowly backed away from him. "I loved you, Peeta. And if you're telling me the truth, you loved me too. I - I would have helped you. I loved you so much." Her tears caused her vision to cloud over. "But you - you pushed me away. You broke my heart so much, Peeta." Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she was shocked to see Peeta's eyes glassed over with tears as well. "So much has happened. I - I can't Peeta."

"Katniss, I love you." He said desperately, reaching out to her. "And you still love me. I'm not letting you go. I made that mistake six years ago, and I'm not doing it again."

Katniss looked at him. "Why did you come back here after all this time?"

Peeta swallowed the lump in his throat, reaching out, grabbing her hand tightly in his own. "It took me all this time to make something of myself - to become someone who I thought deserved you." He stared directly into her eyes. "I came back after all this time because you're here, and I need you, Katniss. You're it for me, and even if you never want to see me again, you will always be the one for me. If I can't be with you, I'm not going to be with anyone."

"Peeta-."

"I'm not giving up." He said firmly. "I did six years ago, and I can't do it again. I'm not letting you go until you tell me too." He grabbed her upper arms, pulling her closer. "This arrangement you thought up for this weekend between us… that means something, Katniss. I know you. I still know you after all this time. You would never do those things with just anyone, but you're doing them with me. You chose me because you love me. There's something between us, and it will always be there."

"I need time to think..I need-" She gasped as his fingers tightened around her. He wasn't letting her go - literally and metaphorically. "It hurts, Peeta." She whispered, but both knew that she wasn't referring to his hold on her. Nevertheless, he released her, his arms hanging limply at his sides. Both were slightly surprised when she didn't immediately turn and run away. She tilted her head up and looked at the theater marquee above their heads before looking at him again. His eyes were set on her, not looking anywhere else. Her head hurt horribly. After all of this time, she finally knew why he had pushed her away, why he had treated her as he had. He had loved her enough to let her go. But if he had loved her like he claimed, how had he been able to treat her like he had?

"If you need to hear why I love you, I can go on all night." He said gently. "If I could take it all back, I would without a second thought. I wish to God I hadn't done anything that I did. I wish I hadn't wasted six years, but I couldn't come back to you until I was ready to put myself out there for you. I knew you wouldn't want me, but I had to try. I'm still trying. I need you, Katniss. I've spent the past five years thinking about you and trying to be someone for you." She shook her head but he pressed on. "When you kissed me in the bar Tuesday night, it was a sign. Out of every guy there, you kissed me." He paused, watching her watch him. "That means something, Katniss."

She did know that she wasn't going to admit it to him at the present moment. She tried to ignore the feeling of his body so close to her, the heat that was radiating off of him and onto her, the familiar smell of sugar and cinnamon. He had told her that she still smelled exactly the same and now, she could say the same for him. That smell was comforting to her though she didn't want it to be. She couldn't believe how blinding her desire for him still was. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and kiss him deeply. She wanted to taste him, to feel him. She wanted to go into that dark empty theater with him and continue with their experiments, but she wouldn't do that. Her mind was too fogged up with memories, thoughts and confusion.

Katniss reached up and touched his face hesitantly, her fingertips brushing across his cheek. He stared at her intently, wanting to grab her and never let go. "Goodnight, Peeta." She whispered to him and then stepping away, she turned and began walking down the sidewalk away from him, disappearing around a corner at the end of the block.

Peeta watched her go, putting more and more distance between them with each of her steps, and though he wanted to, he didn't follow after her.

…

It was almost noon, and Madge was starving. She sat patiently on the familiar booth at The Hob with a slight pout on her face. She had cleaned the entire apartment, finished her grading for the weekend, and watched a episode of her favorite cheesy television show. Gale had just texted her to meet up for lunch, which she was more than willing to do. Her eyes kept looking to the front entrance, patiently awaiting Gale's arrival.

With a sigh, and a grumble from her empty stomach, Madge let her mind wander to something other than food or Beyoncé. She couldn't believe that Gale had wanted a baby. They weren't even married for heaven's sake, but the more she thought about it, the more she found herself wanting a baby with him as well. They were twenty-four years old and although they financially struggled some months, things between them had been great. They loved one another, but were they even ready? And could she even tell him one of her biggest fears of not being able to even conceive a child? Madge was an only child, and her mother had trouble conceiving, suffering through multiple miscarriages both before and after Madge's birth. Madge often feared that she would suffer the same fate.

She was brought out of her thoughts as her boyfriend walked through the front door of The Hob. She smiled wide as she jumped from the booth and toward him. She quickly latched herself onto him, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. "Hi."

Gale snickered, and then kissed her shoulder. He gently lowered Madge toward the ground and smirked at her. "My lady looks pretty today."

"I better be your only lady." Madge joked with a small laugh, pecking him quickly on the lips. "I love you." She kissed him again, this time her lips remaining attached to his for a few more lingering moments. She felt him smile against her mouth as his fingers tangled in her hair, keeping her head to his. She was so wrapped up in him, she hadn't even heard the sound of footsteps approaching them until she heard a familiar snicker. She pulled away slowly from Gale and saw Delly and Johanna standing in the doorway, holding matching grins.

"Don't mind us, keep going." Johanna teased, still smiling widely and Delly laughed.

Madge narrowed her eyes at both of them and Gale smirked before stepping aside and going to sit down at their table. Neither seemed embarrassed in the least to have just been caught making out in public, but then again, Madge wasn't really embarrassed over anything. With a roll of her eyes, Madge headed toward the booth, beckoning for her friends to follow.

"So, what's with the surprise visit, and where's Katniss?" Madge asked though she was excited to see them, she loved her friends, even if she saw them two days ago.

"Katniss is at work. I called her and she said she picked up another shift." Johanna replied as she sat herself down in the booth across from Gale.

"We were thinking about seeing a movie tonight." Delly said, picking at the table with a bemused expression. "Thom has been in one of his moods lately so Thresh thinks that throwing him in a dark movie theater will shut him up for at least a couple of hours."

Madge narrowed her eyes but shrugged, as if she was accepting the idea. She quickly stood up and muttered that she had to go to the bathroom. With a small peck on Gale's lips, she headed in the direction of the bathroom.

"I thought you guys forgot." Gale muttered with a small sigh.

"How could we have forgotten?" Johanna asked with a teasing smile. "You've been texting us all morning about 'the plan'."

Delly released a sigh. "This is so romantic, Gale. Who knew you had it in you."

"Yeah, Madge is going to love it."

"What is Madge going to love?" A fourth voice asked, causing Gale, Delly and Johanna to all snap their heads up and see who the intruder was. Gale was relieved to see that it wasn't Madge, but the relief was short-lived when his mind registered that it was Rye Mellark, Peeta standing a few feet behind him. Having been best friends with Peeta in high school, and considering how close Peeta and Rye were, Gale had hung out more than enough time with the Mellark brothers. It wasn't the fact that they were around that bothered him, it was the fact that Katniss had called his girlfriend in tears last night that bothered him.

"Ugh, nothing man. What's up?" Gale asked with a slight nod in Peeta's direction.

Then Johanna did something no one, not even she, was expecting. She saw Peeta standing away from them and looking at him for a moment, she stood up, went over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug. His eyes widened before he hesitantly patted her on the back. Johanna was never one for open displays of affection and no one had expected her to break her habit with Peeta Mellark. Secrets were not well kept in their circle of friends. Katniss had told Madge everything that had happened with Peeta the night before on their date, and Madge in turn had told them. "You've made a lot of mistakes, Mellark." Johanna informed him, pulling her head back so she could look up at him.

Peeta nodded his head. "I know."

Johanna bit back a scowl but instead, leaned forever and whispered into his ear. "Don't let her go." She pulled away and patted him on the shoulder before turning away and returning back to her seat in the booth.

Madge came back, and Peeta tried to listen to their conversation with his brother, but he heard nothing. Though the people before him had once been his best friends, people moved on. People grew up. He had never had friends like the ones he had in high school, and he knew he probably would never have friends like them again. He accepted the fact that they would probably never be friends again. He knew that it was his fault too.

A lot of things were his fault.

He had tried calling Katniss several times since last night, but she hadn't picked up. He had expected that, but he still tried nonetheless. He had meant everything he said the night before. He was not giving up. He had lost her once, he couldn't go through that again. Neither of them could, but the ball was in her court now. He had put himself out there, and it was completely her decision now. What happened to them now was all up to Katniss, but he wasn't about to go down without a fight.

Peeta knew that he was never going to let her go again, but all he could do now was wait.

…

Katniss had woken up early, unable to sleep much the night before, and went to work early to get some work done before she started her rounds. She had loads of paperwork, and she was determined to avoid the world for the day. She sat at the nurses stations, overlooking the slowly moving hospital, before turning her head and looking out at the window. She bent her elbow on the desk and rested her cheek in her hand, staring out at the bright colored leaves, watching as some twisted from branches, dancing in the wind before landing weightlessly down on the ground. A soft rain had fallen the night before, and it remained an overcast day - gray and dark. It was the perfect day to just lay in bed, which is what she would be doing if she wasn't at work, which she only had a half-hour more.

She now knew. She knew everything about what had happened six years ago. Last night, Peeta had told her everything, and though it had felt as if it was killing her to hear it, she was now grateful that he hadn't held anything back. Katniss wouldn't have been able to take anymore secrets, but just because she knew the truth now, it didn't mean she knew what to do with it. She was just as confused as ever. She loved him. That was something she would never be able to deny, not anymore. But he hadn't had faith in them all the those years. He had made decisions that they should have made together. Would they have made it six years ago if he had told her the truth about what happened?

Needing to stand up from feeling too antsy, Katniss stood up, walking to the window. How was it possible to love a person as much as she loved Peeta? Even with everything he had done to her, her heart refused to let him go. Although she had told him that she didn't want to love him anymore, she admitted to herself that she was terrified of how it would feel to not be in love with him.

The love she and Peeta had for one another, wasn't a type of love that came around everyday for people. Their love was the kind that could last a long time if they let it.

_"I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist you. No mere human can stand in a fire and not be consumed."_

Katniss thought of that particular passage from one of her favorite books that she hadn't read in quite some time, yet she still had parts of it memorized by heart. It reminds her of the love she had with Peeta. She wanted him out of her life, but she wanted to cling to him desperately, knowing that she probably wouldn't be able to breathe without him. She had thought of him everyday for six years, and no matter what she did, she couldn't stop.

She didn't want to.

The realization hit her as if she had just run into a electronic force field. She didn't want to. She didn't want to stop loving him or thinking about him. She wanted him, all of him. She loved him. Tears filled her eyes, and Katniss smiled. She had lost him once, and almost lost in him a way where she would never have him again. He had made mistakes, but so had she. She never fought for him, just as he had never fought for her. She had just let him walk out of her life without stopping him.

She loved him with a love that consumed her entire being. She didn't want that love to end. She knew she would never be happy without it. Or him.

The decision was hers. Peeta had laid all of his cards out on the table the night before. He told her that he loved her, that he wasn't going anywhere. That he wanted to marry her. She was fairly certain that she had stopped breathing when he had said that to her. She had dreamt about being with him for the rest of their lives, and it seemed that he had held those same dreams about her. He had wanted her for so long, but that was something that was making her so hesitant to just go to him. He had wanted her, but he said he had stayed away because he had wanted to make himself someone who deserved her. He had walked away from her and had been able to stay away for so long. What would stop him from doing that to her again?

She sighed heavily, turning away from the window. She began pacing up and down the hallways of the hospital, chewing on the nail and skin of her thumb. There were so many uncertainties, so many questions and doubts. But at the same time, was there anything in life that could be considered a sure thing? Yes, Peeta could hurt her again. He could break her heart so easily again if he chose to, but at the same time, she loved him and her dad once said that 'a love you weren't willing to take risk for wasn't really a love worth having.' Love was all about taking chances and jumping off of the cliff, praying that there was someone at the bottom willing to catch you. Katniss closed her eyes, and she saw Peeta standing at the bottom of that cliff waiting for her.

Katniss couldn't remember the last time she had run so fast. She had walked to the hospital that morning, wanting to think as long as possible, and had decided that it was a cool fall morning – perfect for walking and thinking. She was practically sprinting home now, and as she saw Peeta sitting before her apartment door, her heart lurched in her throat. It was as if he had been able to read her thoughts and had come to her house to meet her.

Seeing Katniss run towards him, was like a dream. He became instantly entranced with the vision of her running towards him. It shouldn't have been allowed for a woman to be as beautiful as Katniss was. He had never met a woman that could hold a candle to her. She was, hands down, the most beautiful, perfect woman he had ever met. He prayed that she was his and that he wasn't cursed to spend his life alone for decisions he had made as an impetuous eighteen year old boy. He needed Katniss in his life. Standing in The Hob, looking at the people who were once his closest friends, he realized that although that chapter of his life had been closed, there was one part of his past that was still as big a part of his present and hopefully his future. Katniss was his everything. She was his life and he shuddered to think what his life would be without her. Going through six very dark and dismal years without her did not make him eager to go through the rest of his days without her.

Katniss ran up to him and threw herself against him, her arms wrapping around his neck in a tight hug. She squeezed him, hugging him as tightly as she could, so happy he was there, so scared that he was there. Her stomach was in knots, and her heart pounded like a drum.

"Katniss, what-"

She pulled her head back so she could look into his eyes, and she placed a hand over his mouth, silencing him. "I'm scared as hell to want you, but here I am, wanting you anyway." She took a deep breath. "I'm terrified of being with you. I'm so scared to give myself to you and take that chance, but I love you. I always have."

For a moment, neither moved. Neither spoke. His eyes locked on hers, and the intensity she saw swirling within those blue orbs sent shivers down her spine. He slowly removed her hand from his mouth, clasping it tightly in his, not letting it go. His other arm wound around her waist, keeping her body pressed against his.

"Say it again," he demanded softly, almost hoarsely.

Katniss lifted her free hand and rubbed it over his cheek. "I love you, Peeta" she said barely above a whisper. "And it scares me so much but there it is."

He continued staring at her before releasing a breath of air. "There it is." A slow grin spread across his lips, and Katniss smiled faintly at him before he leaned down. She lifted herself up on her toes, their lips meeting for a soft kiss that almost immediately grew in passion. She moaned softly, feeling his mouth move demandingly over hers, his lips caressing hers, his tongue tracing her mouth before dipping in, tasting her, tracing every crevice of her mouth. Katniss clung to him, growing weaker by the moment. She loved Peeta kissing her. His arm tightened around her middle, and he began dragging her to the front door. Katniss followed him willingly, their mouths never separating. She managed to unlock the door, and she squealed with surprise when Peeta pushed her into the apartment, slamming and locking the door again before scooping her up in his arms. Her surprise turned to laughter, and Peeta grinned as he began ascending down the hallway.

"You've watched too many romantic movies." Katniss teased, her body steadily growing hotter, her body humming with anticipation. "Carrying the girl off like this."

"You know I love The Notebook." He joked, and she laughed. She kissed his cheek, her lips lingering on his skin before grazing them down to his jaw line, nipping him gently there. She heard him release a shaky breath, and she smiled against him. Katniss Everdeen, seductress. She could grow to like the sound of that. Her tongue drew swirls on his neck before sucking on a patch of skin, and Peeta's breathing increased.

He deposited her unceremoniously on her bed, her body bouncing slightly on the mattress, and she grabbed for him, yanking him down with her. Their lips fused together, and she laid back, pulling him on top of her. It felt so deliciously good to have Peeta's weight on top of her, pressing her into the mattress. His tongue delved back into her mouth, and she lifted her hips off the bed, brushing them against his, feeling his arousal pressing into her. He wanted her. He couldn't hide it. If his hands delved between her legs, he would feel that her want for him matched his.

"Sit up, Peeta." she said breathlessly, pushing on his chest. He moved just enough for her to roll out from underneath him, and she stood up, standing on the side of the bed. Peeta sat up, almost dazed, and stared at her. She smiled faintly at him as she began taking her clothes off. Her hands weren't shaking this time like they had been on Wednesday when she had gone to his room to set their arrangement in motion. Now, she felt confident as she undressed in front of him; she felt beautiful even though she was wearing dark green scrubs. Her knees nearly gave out at the look Peeta was watching her with. He was watching her as if she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Yesterday morning, after they had gotten out of the shower and they had been on this very bed, she had straddled him, and he had looked up at her with that same exact look. Peeta Mellark thought she was beautiful. A person couldn't fake a look like that. She smiled, almost beginning to cry. No person had ever looked at her like that and now, she didn't want anyone but Peeta looking at her like that.

"Wait," Peeta said as she reached behind to unclasp her bra. He pulled himself on his knees then slid his hands on her hips, pulling her until her knees hit the side of the bed. He kneeled on the mattress in front of her, and her eyes slid closed as his lips went to her chest, kissing the top of her breasts, her collarbone, her cleavage. She clasped his shoulders, her head falling back, her mouth opening as his mouth took one of her nipples through the bra, sucking on it gently. Her back arched, pushing more of her breasts to him. Peeta's tongue swirled around the now hard nipple, his hand lifting to the other breast, rubbing it, caressing it gently, both knowing that he would get to that one soon. A hot fire began to pool in her belly and Katniss dug her nails into his shoulders as he once again sucked the nipple into her mouth. He didn't miss a beat as his hands glided around to her back and unclasped the bra, pulling it off and throwing it away somewhere. His mouth instantly returned to her now bare breasts, and Katniss felt her knees go completely weak underneath her.

Peeta wrapped his arms around her, dragging her onto the bed, situating her on her back. He hovered above her, his mouth still attached to her breasts, his hands running everywhere on her body. He began rubbing circles on her stomach as he sucked on the delicate globes of flesh. He was making her feel so incredible. Katniss was burning up, and her breath was coming out in gasps. She wondered if it was possible to die during sex because your lover made you stop breathing. Lover. Peeta Mellark was soon to be her lover. She grew more wet between her legs, and she pressed them together to get rid of the ache there. She needed him, and she was not about to regret telling him such a thing.

"Peeta" she gasped, arching her back off the bed as he bit gently on the nipple. Peeta lifted his head and stared at her, his heart tightening and how gorgeous she looked. He was so hard, his jeans growing quite uncomfortable, but he was not going to rush this. He was going to go slow with Katniss. She deserved to be loved, to be cherished and he was going to show her just that. She stared at him through hooded eyes, lifting her hips off the bed and brushing against his. "Get a condom."

* * *

_Chapter Notes_

_Over 11,000+ hits on this story?! I **can't** believe it. Thank you all SO much! Be sure to tell me what you all think of this chapter, you know I love hearing from you._

_Again, I owe this chapter to my lovely beta, **everlarkcheesebuns**! :) I'm so honored and excited to have her as my beta._

_This chapter title comes from the famous _Audrey Hepburn_ song from _Breakfast at Tiffany's.

_The quote in italics comes from _A.S Byatt

_Please be sure to check out my new story as well, _Begin Again_! _

_Until next time! :) _


	9. Nine

Chapter Nine - Stars and Boulevards

_Six Years Before _

The cafeteria was decorated with fake snow and plastic snowflakes hanging on string from the ceiling. There were strings of white lights, which added a soft glow to the atmosphere, and there was an indie band playing softly throughout the room.

Peeta had gone stag, much to the chagrin of most of the girls in school, especially Glimmer. She had been expecting him to ask her and when she confronted him about it, he simply shrugged and said that he probably wasn't going to show up at all. But he did. He snuck into the gym like some lowly creature, his eyes immediately scanning the dancing couples for one in particular. Finnick had lived up to his word and had asked Katniss to come with him. Peeta knew he was going to ask her but there had been a part of him that had prayed that Katniss would refuse.

She hadn't.

He knew he had absolutely no right to be there, looking for her, but he couldn't stay away. He had to see her. He wanted to see her in her dress and with her hair done. He wanted to see how beautiful she looked because he knew that without a doubt she was going to be the most beautiful girl in the room. He stood in the door, a slow song playing and he was almost glad that he hadn't found her yet. He wouldn't be able to see her arms around someone else and her body swaying with another guy's. But Peeta admitted that he was a self-masochist. He saw his friends there. Delly with Thresh, Thom, Marvel and Gale all with girls, Johanna with some basketball player and Madge, who had gone stag herself.

With a sigh, Peeta loosened the gray tie hanging around his neck. He came just to look and then he would leave - simple as that. He would see her, but she wouldn't see him. He had become quite good at dodging her both in the hallways at school and the room her was currently standing in. He avoided her because he had to. He hated doing so but avoidance was the only way he could stick to his plan. If he saw her, he didn't know if he would be strong enough to stay away. He saw her occasionally – fleeting moments of time that seemed to last no longer than a second. He reveled in those moments. He pretended he never saw her. He could feel her eyes on him, and he wanted nothing more than to go to her. But he stayed away, and even he had to applaud his self-control.

But he hadn't been able to stay away tonight. And, as if everyone knew that, the dancing swaying bodies seemed to part like the Red Sea and there she was. Peeta swallowed upon seeing her and discovered that no intelligible words had the ability of forming in his head at the moment. Jesus. She had to be the most beautiful girl there. Actually, he knew she was. He didn't doubt that. She wore a light blue colored satin gown that flowed down her body, hugging her petite frame, with a deep neckline and a drastic drop in the back that nearly went down to the small of her back, exposing her bare skin. Her dark hair was pulled back and done in a complicated looking twist bun at the nape of her neck that he knew one of the other girls had helped her with. She was a vision and the air practically left his lungs as he stared at her.

She was dancing with Finnick and she was laughing at something he said to her with a smile. He was much taller than her so he bent down slightly so their heads were closer together. One of her arms was draped over his shoulder while her other hand rested on his chest. Finnick's hands rested respectfully on her hips, not moving southwards an inch. Nonetheless, seeing Katniss so close to him, seeing Katniss with any guy that wasn't him, made his jaw tense and his hands clench into fists.

He had no right to be angry and jealous. He knew that. He knew it was his fault she was there with Finnick and not with him.

It had been almost three weeks since the New Year's Eve party, and he had done what he did, and the ache in his chest still hadn't subsided. He missed her. Horribly. But he had to stick to his guns. He had to keep doing this to himself. He had to deny himself the one thing he wanted more than anything. Katniss was smiling. She looked happy. Peeta couldn't ruin that for her. He couldn't ruin her life anymore.

He couldn't ruin her.

They had planned to go to this dance together. They had originally planned on going as friends but Peeta had hoped that by the time the dance came around, they would be a couple. He had royally fucked that up. He should have been the one with his arms around Katniss, and he guaranteed that his hands wouldn't stay on her hips. If Katniss was his, he would have touched her constantly. His hands would have memorized every inch of her body. He would have been addicted to her. He wore the suit that night that he had planned on wearing all along. He should have been the one who danced with her, who was the envy of every guy in that gym, who got to feel Katniss's body pressed against his. He should have had it all with her.

Sensing someone watching her, Katniss turned her head away from Finnick and gasped upon seeing Peeta standing there, watching her. For some reason, she felt incredibly guilty though she had no reason to be, and she pulled away from Finnick as if being near him had burned her. She stared at Peeta, and he stared right back. Finnick was confused for just a moment as to why she pulled away before he followed Katniss's eyes and saw Peeta there as well, standing a few feet away amongst the still dancing, swaying couples. Finnick looked back at Katniss and saw that she was becoming upset just by Peeta's mere presence and Finnick took her hand, giving Peeta glare before turning and tugging Katniss away.

He led her to the refreshment table and picking up a plastic cup of the red fruit punch, he continued guiding her towards the front doors, to stand between the small nook between the school and the freezing cold of the outside. He needed to get her away from Peeta if just for a few minutes.

Finnick was pissed. Peeta had no right to come to a dance and stare at Katniss like that. Finnick may have been best friends with Peeta but he was Katniss's friend too, and she had actually been smiling that night- something she hadn't done since New Year's Eve. Finnick was pissed at Peeta for ruining that for her – for ruining a lot of things for her and for making her so sad in such a short period of time.

"God." Katniss said, unable to keep from laughing as she wiped underneath her eyes. She wasn't crying but she could feel the tears forming. "I'm sorry, Finn."

He shook his head, giving her a smile. "Don't even worry about it. He told me he wasn't coming so I didn't expect to see him here either."

Katniss released a shaky sigh, shivering slightly and hugging herself. She hated how Peeta's mere presence could unhinge her in such a manner. It had been almost three weeks since New Year's Eve and what had transpired between them. All of her wounds were still far too fresh. Madge, Johanna and Delly had been a constant support system, and Katniss had never had so many sleepovers in her life before Peeta had done what he did. Katniss was grateful for their friendship. She knew she wouldn't be able to get through any of this without them but at the same time, she missed Peeta and his companionship and wished she could have it all back.

She just missed him- all of him.

She wanted him still. She loved him. She just couldn't turn that off. She saw other girls in the school. Whoever their boyfriend was, they claimed they loved them but the instant they broke up, the girl moved onto another boy they loved. They didn't understand the concept of love, and she knew that they were young to understand it but Katniss knew she was in love with Peeta. There wasn't a doubt in her mind in regards to her feelings for him. She hadn't even dated him, and she loved him more than anything. Yet, he had broken her heart and moved on. She wished she knew his secret so she could move on to. But at the same time, it had only been three weeks. Moving on so soon made her feel as if she was betraying him somehow despite what he had done to her.

"Here, Katniss." Finnick said, slipping off his white suit jacket and draping it over her shoulders. "Can't have you freezing that hot ass of yours off, now can we?"

Katniss, despite the tears pooling in her eyes, smiled up at him. She knew that she would be forever grateful towards Finnick and the kindness he had shown her over the past few weeks. She hadn't been expecting that from him or from any of them really. They were all close friends of Peeta's. She had thought that the instant she was out of his life, she had thought she would be out of all of theirs. But they had all proven her wrong and managed to maintain their friendships with both her and Peeta. She knew though that they felt torn down the middle – not that she wanted any of them to take sides. She had been so surprised when Finnick had asked her to the winter formal. She honestly hadn't planned on going – especially since she and Peeta had talked about going together but that had been a discussion they had had before he left for holiday break – before everything.

"Thanks, Finn." She said softly, pulling the lapels of the jacket tighter around her. She smiled again when he handed her the punch. "It's not spiked, is it?" She asked, hesitating in taking it.

Finnick laughed. "Are you accusing me of trying to get you drunk, Everdeen?"

Katniss shook her head slightly, smiling. "I wouldn't dare even suggest such a thing, Odair." She teased back though weakly done and took a sip of the punch. It was a cold night, and their breath appeared in front of them in puffs of small clouds but tilting her head back, she looked out the window toward the black canvas of the night sky, thousands of stars clearly visible. It was a gorgeous night despite the cold.

She sighed softly, taking another sip of her punch and trying to forget the way Peeta had been staring at her in the cafeteria. Why was he there, and why had he been staring at her like he wanted to practically devour her? He gave her goose bumps and shivers and she wished that if he wanted to stay away, he would just stay away. Showing up like that, staring at her like that, it confused her, and she was so tired of being confused over Peeta Mellark.

Finnick came and stood next to her, his hands in the pockets of his pants, and he also tilted his head up to look out the window at the sky. Katniss handed him the cup and he smirked, taking it from her and downing the rest of the horrible tasting punch. There was a trashcan a few feet away, and Finnick shot the cup into the can effortlessly.

"You want to hear something really pathetic?" Katniss asked him, still looking up at the sky, her hands keeping the jacket tightly wrapped around her chilled body.

"You're not pathetic, Katniss." Finnick immediately interrupted but Katniss continued talking as if she hadn't heard him.

"When you asked me to come to the dance with you, I almost said 'no' because I felt like I was betraying him." She said and then she laughed softly, bitterly. She shook her head slightly, some strands of hair falling loose from the twisted bun. "It's been three weeks, and he hasn't said one word to me." She looked at Finnick, and he turned his head, looking at her as well. Katniss had the biggest, most expressive gray eyes, and now, all they showed was sadness. "How do you do that to someone? I thought… I thought I was important to him."

"You were, and believe it or not, Katniss, you still are," Finnick said despite knowing how ludicrous it sounded considering the way Peeta was treating her. "Look. Peeta is one of my best friends, and I know he's being an asshole. But… Katniss there has to be a reason why he's acting like this."

Katniss shook her head slightly. "I don't think so, Finnick." She said, looking down at the ground. "I think - I think Peeta Mellark is going to stay out of my life forever from this point on. He obviously wants it that way."

_..._

_Six Years Later _

Peeta sat up on his knees and Katniss watched, still lying down as he pulled his shirt up over his head, bunching it into a ball and tossing it over his shoulder. He slid off the bed and she pushed herself up on her elbows, watching as he undid his belt buckle and then lowered the zipper of his jeans. He paused, looking at her, and she smiled softly at him. He stepped out of his jeans and stood in front of her in nothing but his boxers, his erection clearly evident. He stared at her, naked except for a pair of yellow panties, and he was fairly certain that his heart stopped beating and he was no longer breathing.

Katniss sat up, fighting the urge to take the pillow and hold it in front of her, covering her body. Instead, she let him look at her, taking in every inch of her nearly naked body. She bit on her lower lip as Peeta crawled back onto the bed, and he slowly guided her down onto her back. She trusted him completely. She knew Peeta would never do anything to hurt her or make her uncomfortable.

Katniss watched as Peeta kneeled before her, and he hesitantly put his hands on her ribcage. He was moving slowly, deliberately, silently letting her know that she could change her mind at any time. She smiled up at him, lifting her hand to his cheek. Peeta locked eyes with her, and he bent down, pressing his lips to hers in a soft gentle kiss.

Her hands cupped his cheeks, and his hands moved from her ribcage around to the small of her back as he slowly rested his weight down on top of her. He suppressed a groan upon feeling her hard nipples graze his chest. Despite the fog slowly overtaking his brain, he didn't fail to notice just how perfectly she felt against him, underneath him. It was as if their bodies were made for each other. It amazed him considering just how different they were in height but there they were, and they fit like two pieces of a puzzle.

"We don't have to do anything, Katniss." Peeta whispered, his lips barely lifting off of hers to speak. It would take a lot of strength and control on his part but he could stop if she needed them to. He was not about to push her into anything she wasn't ready for.

Katniss nodded, smiling faintly before nipping at his bottom lip. "I know." She whispered back, her hands slipping around to his back, running up and down, feeling his firm muscles flexing in her fingers' wake. She kissed him gently on the lips, slowly gaining in pressure. She loved kissing him. His taste was so utterly intoxicating to her, she felt as if she could never get enough of it. Or him. "But I want this. I-I love you, Peeta."

Peeta felt his chest swell at her declaration, knowing he would never get tired of hearing her say those words to him, and he kissed her, pouring everything he had into that kiss, promising her in that kiss that he would go slow and be gentle. He would take care of her and make sure that this was something she would never be able to regret.

His hands slid to her ass and squeezed the soft skin, pulling her hips towards him. As she ran her hands up and down his back, he slid his right hand slowly up her inner thigh and pulled her panties to the side. He ran one finger up and down her wet lips before massaging her clit with his index finger. She gasped and grabbed his muscular body as he teased her.

With his free hand, he began to lavish attention on her breasts again. They weren't big, but they filled his hand snugly as he massaged the sensitive skin. While continuing to tease her, he lowered his head to lick at her breasts and she moaned louder. She was getting so hot, and she pressed her legs together, trapping his hand there. Slowly, as slowly as he could manage, he pushed his finger deeper inside of her. He could feel her warm, dripping walls grip his finger for dear life, and he felt her squirming beneath him. He lifted his head from her breasts and looked up at her, sending her a half-smile.

"You feel so good, baby. I can't wait to be inside of you."

Katniss moaned even louder when he said this, loving when he talked to her like that. Her walls gripped his finger harder, and he inserted his middle finger into her as well, joining the first. She was so tight and for a split second he wondered how he was going to last inside of her. He was worried that the instant he was inside her, he would lose control and it would be over before it even started. He couldn't have that happen. This had to be perfect for her.

He was quickly able to locate her G-spot, rubbing it slowly and gently. He wanted her to last, as well. He moved himself up on his knees and watched Katniss as he began moving his fingers in and out of her at a torturously slow pace. He was about to blow right in his boxers as she began to move her hips up and down, her back rubbing against the bed, her mouth open in soft moans, her body beginning to ride his fingers.

"I love you." He said, his fingers speeding up just a bit and Katniss blinked her eyes open, having difficulty keeping them open. She smiled at him, her hips never missing a beat as she continued matching the pace of his fingers.

"I love you too." She said softly and Peeta pulled his fingers out of her to rest his body on top of hers, his lips colliding with hers passionately, hungrily. She wrapped one arm around his neck while the other skimmed down his back to the waistband of his boxers. She tried to push them down, rather impatiently, and Peeta snickered against her lips. Katniss sighed, wanting them off. She tried to push them down but she couldn't with his body on top of hers, immobilizing her. "Peeta." She gasped, almost laughing as she continued to struggle. These boxers were being quite stubborn. "I need you."

Peeta placed one more kiss on her lips before sitting up. Katniss watched, biting on her lower lip, but he did not take his boxers off. Instead, he grabbed her panties and she lifted her hips, letting him slip them off, brushing them down her legs and her feet before tossing them away. He ran his hands up and down her calf muscles before up to her thighs. She felt a shiver go down her spine and the ache between her legs worsened as his hands massaged her thighs, spreading her legs, exposing all of her to him. She squirmed slightly, letting him know that she was ready for him. She was more than ready for him. She was ready. She wanted to feel all of him. She wanted to give all of herself to him.

Peeta's eyes raked up and down her body, his hands still rubbing circles on her thighs, his thumbs getting closer and closer to her opening. But he was teasing her and didn't touch her there.

He stood up from the bed, bending down and picking up his jeans, pulling the condom he had slipped there with high hopes of using it with Katniss. He couldn't believe that this was going to happen. After six years of dreaming, aching, yearning for her, he was about to have her. And he was practically shaking from it.

He slipped his boxers off and he stared right into Katniss's eyes as he rolled the condom onto his nearly painfully hard erection. He looked for an ounce of hesitation, of uncertainty, and was so grateful when he saw nothing but love and want. Katniss opened her arms for him and he practically dived on top of her, their lips meeting in frenzied desperate kisses. He couldn't get enough of her.

"You're shaking." Katniss whispered, wrapping her arms tighter around him. "Are you cold?" She asked her voice laced with concern. He shook his head. Cold was something he definitely was not. His body felt as if it was on fire. "Are you okay?"

"Okay doesn't even cover it." Peeta whispered back and she smiled, squeezing her arms around him. "Are you ready?"

She smiled, nodding her head, the first look of nerves crossing over her face. She took a deep breath, preparing herself. She looked nowhere but into his blue eyes, now dark with his desire for her. He slipped a hand between their bodies and guided himself towards her opening. Slowly, he slid inside her, closing his eyes as she enveloped him, her body accepting him, wrapping around him like a hot wet glove. She shifted a little beneath him and he looked down at her, kissing her briefly on the lips, his eyes never leaving hers.

"It'll hurt for just a second." He whispered, slightly out of breath. "I promise."

She knew it was going to hurt. There was no way around that. She knew what to expect. Staring up at Peeta though, she trusted him. How odd it was to go from keeping him at an arm length's away, blocking him off from her, keeping him from her with all of the walls she had built, to trusting him completely. She trusted him without reservation and staring into his eyes, she hoped her own conveyed all of that.

She nodded her head and he kissed her again at the same time he thrust. Gasping against his lips, Katniss's entire body tensed. She could hear her heart pounding, almost able to hear his own heart as well, and their ragged breathing and she could feel him inside her. She could actually feel him pulsing inside of her body. She tensed just a little bit more, squeezing her eyes shut. She felt Peeta's lips on her face, brushing against her lips, her cheeks, her forehead. She could feel him shaking slightly and she knew that it must be difficult for him to remain as still as he was. She squeezed her arms around him. She tried to relax all of her muscles, especially the ones squeezing his erection. She finally opened her eyes and saw him staring down at her, his brow furrowed in concern and worry. She managed to give him a small smile, the pain already starting to fade away. It had not been as bad as she had set herself up to expect.

"You're so big." She gasped, amazed at how full she felt. He was completely inside of her, stretching her, their bodies connected in the most intimate of ways. They were one.

Peeta couldn't help but smirk. "There are worse things you can say to a guy." He joked and she smiled, one of her hands going to caress his cheek. "Does it hurt?" He asked.

She smiled, shaking her head. "Not so much. I'm just..." She shifted slightly, moaning softly as she felt him pulsing inside her. "I'm getting used to it." He nodded his head and she lifted her head off the pillow, fusing her lips to his. "You can move if you want." She said and he pressed his forehead against hers for a moment, staring into her eyes.

Peeta bent down to kiss her and then began to thrust in and out of her slowly. He stared into her eyes and both felt their chests constrict at the amount of love both felt for the other right then. His thrusts did not speed up. He pounded her with the same slow steady pace, wanting her to enjoy this and give her time to adjust to everything.

Their bodies moved together, rubbing together, gliding together with perfect unison. With each thrust he felt her tight walls wrapped around his erection and she could feel her stomach tighten. As he pushed deeper, he could feel his throbbing head slide past her tightness, her slick wetness heating around his skin. God, she was so tight. It felt incredible. The sound of Katniss moaning beneath him sent shocks through his increasingly burning body and he continued to drive into her body at a steady pace. He clutched her hips and pulled her towards him as he thrust, his head pushing deep against the back of her walls.

Katniss moaned loudly, arching her back to push him in deeper. Each time his head rammed against the back of her, she could feel sparks of pleasure running through her body. The heat left her face flushed and her toes curled. With a powerful thrust, Peeta hit a sensitive nerve hidden deep within her and Katniss threw her head back, moaning his name loudly as he continued to plunge into her, his head ramming against the same nerve until her muscles began to give and started to quiver.

She came, squeezing so tightly around him, Peeta groaned. She called out his name over and over, her hips lifting up, matching his rhythm, her body shaking as each nerve in her body seemed to explode with pleasure. It was as if she was falling and she clung to Peeta, not even realizing he was still thrusting into her body until the stars in front of her eyes began to fade away.

Peeta could feel her body tightening around his hardness and after several minutes he began to force her body harder up to meet his as he continued to steadily thrust. "I'm about to come." He moaned roughly and after several thrusts, the head of his erection rammed into her tightness one last time and he felt himself release into her.

"Oh my God, Peeta." Katniss moaned, tightening around him as she felt his body quake on top of her with his orgasm. She fell back onto the bed, her body lying limp against the mattress. "Oh my God." She repeated and Peeta nodded in agreement, his body collapsing on top of hers. Their skin, slick with sweat, stuck together and the scent of sex hung in the air around them. Her arms wrapped around his back, holding him to her and he rested his head in the crook of her neck. He was worried about crushing her but the way Katniss was clinging to him so tightly, it was apparent she didn't want him to move. She pressed her lips to his forehead. "I'm glad it was you." She whispered to him. "I love you so much."

Peeta lifted his head and stared down at her, putting one of his hands on her cheeks, his thumb brushing across the skin. "I love you." He said, both of them still trying to regain their breathing. "God, you probably can't even imagine how much I love you."

She smiled, blushing though her skin was already flushed with the extraneous activity they had just partaken in. She couldn't believe that she had just had sex. She had just had sex with Peeta Mellark. No, she mentally shook her head. What they had just done was definitely making love. He had been so slow and gentle with her. And it had been incredible. Actually, she wasn't even sure if there were words that existed that could actually describe how it had felt for her.

One emotion she did know how to describe though was fear. She was scared and it was slowly creeping over her like a cold hand. She had just had sex with Peeta. She had given him a part of her she could never take back. She loved him. Her entire heart had been behind the act and she had always envisioned being with Peeta for her first time. But now that the sheer want and need of being with him had passed, she was left once again with too many thoughts in her head.

She loved him, she kept telling herself and she was not denying that. And she did not regret being with him, giving herself to him, for one second. But he was leaving on Sunday to go back to Jamestown. What was to become of them? Were they doomed to only be together for this short weekend and then have that be the end? Katniss wouldn't be able to handle that if that was the truth. His life was in there though and hers was here. There was no way around that. The situation could not be sugar coated. They had their own lives. How were they to be together when he was already leaving before they could even have a beginning together?

Peeta stood up to dispose of the condom and when he did, he saw the blood smeared on the inside of Katniss's thighs. He blanched at the sight and though he knew that it had been unavoidable, he still felt a twinge of guilt. He hated the fact that he had hurt her. That was the last thing he ever wanted to do and he knew that he had already hurt her enough to last her a lifetime. He tossed the condom into the trashcan then looked at her again.

"Wait here." He said and she smiled, nodding her head then watched, blushing as he unabashedly walked from her bedroom, still completely naked. Peeta was surprised he could even walk.

The reality of making love with Katniss had been better than any fantasy and he still felt slightly weak. It had been incredible but even that seemed like an understatement. It had never been like that before for him with any other girl.

He returned a few minutes later and Katniss's eyebrows furrowed slightly with confusion as he sat in front of her, gently prying her legs apart. She gasped in surprise as she felt the warmth of the wet washcloth as he began wiping her legs, cleaning the smeared blood there away. She blushed when he wiped her opening but she had to bite her lip to keep from moaning. Peeta's hands on her, no matter what they were doing, apparently made her feel unbelievable. Her body was humming pleasantly, both from the orgasm and now the warmth of the washcloth and his hands cleaning her up.

"You don't have to do that." She said softly, her heart tightening in her chest as she watched him, his gentle caresses with the washcloth. It was so sweet. He was so sweet.

Peeta looked at her then leaned down, placing a kiss on the inside of her thigh and then on her stomach below her bellybutton. Haley scraped her fingers over his buzzed hair and he lifted his head, moving his lips up her body, planting a kiss on her ribcage, a breast, between her cleavage, a quick suck of her collarbone, a kiss on her chin and they both sighed happily when his lips finally pressed against hers.

Her fingers linked together on the back of his head and Peeta gently sank his weight on top of her, his hand carelessly dropping the washcloth onto the floor before his hands became occupied touching her body everywhere he could reach. He couldn't get enough of her. He knew he never would. Katniss sighed into his mouth again, lifting her ass off the bed when one of his hands grabbed onto one of her bottom globes. She bent her knee up, gasping as his body naturally situated between her legs and she felt his arousal, hard and long, against her leg.

"You're hurting, Katniss." Peeta murmured against her lips. "I'm not going to do it." He kissed her again, softly, gently, and it only made Katniss ache for him more. He cupped one of her breasts and she arched her back, wrapping her leg firmly around his waist, pulling him tightly against her. "Aren't you sore?" He asked looking down at her, his mouth weighed down by a frown of concern.

She smiled faintly. "Yes, but I want you, Peeta. We've waited for this for six years."

That made him smile, but only for a moment. He shook his head slightly, pushing himself up on his hands on either side of her head, hovering above her. "I don't want to hurt you more than I already have today."

Katniss put her hands on his cheeks, swiping her thumbs across his skin. "Peeta, I love you." She whispered, knowing that she would never get tired of saying that just as he would never get tired of hearing it. After all of this time, she could finally say it to him and know that he felt the same way. There were no more doubts about his feelings for her. She knew he loved her, cared for her. It was just everything else about them that she doubted. But she didn't want to think about that right then at that particular moment. His lips were on hers again at her admission, covering her mouth with his, kissing her hungrily. She moaned, pleased by his sudden bout of aggression. She wanted to do something for him though – something she had never done before. Her hands went to his chest, pushing gently. "Lie down, Peeta."

He looked at her, his eyebrows lifting at her command but she only smiled shyly at him. He nodded, rolling off of her and onto his back. Katniss sat up, pushing her hair behind her ears and biting her lip as she saw his rather impressive erection. He swallowed hard as he watched Katniss's eyes rake over his body. "Katniss-"

"I want to taste you." She said bluntly, moving up on her knees.

He closed his eyes, releasing a deep breath that he hadn't even realized that he had been holding. As her hot mouth covered the head of his erection, he reached out, his fingers tangling in her hair. He gritted his teeth, refraining from lifting his hips and pushing more into her mouth as she licked and sucked his rigidness, her teeth lightly grazing him.

He knew she had never done this before. He knew that he was the first guy she had ever done anything like this with and he couldn't believe how quickly she caught on. She found a rhythm as her hand wrapped around the base of his member, stroking him up and down, slightly twisting her head as she continued to suck on the head. Her hair fell across his thighs and he was practically panting now for breath. He was so close, especially when she cupped his balls in her other hand. He didn't have time to warn her. He came so suddenly- it even surprised him. Katniss gagged and choked for just a moment before sucking harder, swallowing everything that came from him. She lifted her head, releasing him from her mouth but her hand continued stroking him, watching him as his chest heaved up and down, trying to catch his breath.

"Was that - was that good?" She asked hesitantly, worried, chewing on her bottom lip.

Peeta opened his eyes, staring at her. Her hand was still stroking up and down and he was having a hard time concentrating. "Katniss, that was fucking amazing." He breathed and she blushed, so happy that she could do something for him and make him feel good. She leaned forward, releasing him, planting her hands on the bed on either side of him. Her lips moved up his body much like his had moved up hers. She kissed his hipbones, his abs, his stomach and chest. Peeta's hands cupped her head, pulling her forward, wanting her. Katniss crawled over him, her lips never leaving his skin. He tugged on her somewhat forcefully and she fell on top of him, their lips colliding together. His arms wrapped around her waist, keeping her body covering his.

"Is this a dream?" Katniss whispered, separating their lips, staring down into his eyes. Her hair fell around his face, falling down like a curtain. "I've wanted this for so long-"

"Me, too," Peeta agreed, part of his mind still not believing that he was there with her. That she had said she loved him. That she had given herself completely to him. "I love you so much, Katniss. I never want to let you go. Ever."

Katniss kissed him lightly on the lips, worry plaguing her mind about the one thing she hadn't wanted to think about. "I love you, too." She said softly, gazing into his eyes, wanting to memorize his face and how he looked after she had just given him an orgasm. He looked completely relaxed and so sincere in his affection towards her. She sighed softly. "But it's Friday, Peeta. You're leaving on Sunday. You're going back to Jamestown and I'm staying here." She sighed softly, closing her eyes for a moment, and then sat up, straddling him, sitting on his thighs. Peeta looked at her, frowning, his brows furrowed. His hands gripped her hips, already hating what the words that were about to come out of her mouth. "We only have two more days together before…" She breathed shakily. "Before we're not going to be able to be together."

* * *

_Chapter Notes_

_Such a late post but I couldn't help it! I owe it all to my beautiful beta, everlarkcheesebuns. If you haven't already, check out her new story, _Something's Gotta Give_. It's excellent! Let me know what you think of this chapter, it would mean the world to me! _

_This chapter title comes from an _Augustana_ song. With the lyrics, "Wait dear, a white horse is walking down my street here. Your words are creeping at my feet.  
I fear, sunrise will come too soon and you'll disappear" in mind._


	10. Ten

Chapter Ten - Half Moon

Peeta watched as she slept. He used to love doing it, and he realized that he still did. He used to watch her sleep in high school whenever she came over for the night, and although Katniss was somewhat of a morning person, there were rare occasions when he woke up before her and he took full advantage. It amazed him how long he could just watch her. For a guy who could hardly stay still for two minutes, he found himself able to lie in bed for hours, doing nothing but just watching her.

It had been a long exhausting afternoon but it had been as perfect as it could be. He knew Katniss had been pained and uncomfortable for their first time even though he had tried to be as slow and gentle as possible. Their second time had been a bit better with Peeta sitting up against the headboard and Katniss straddling him, allowing her to control the speed and rhythm. She had been uncertain when Peeta had put them in the position but after she became more comfortable, she loved it. That was what he wanted. He wanted Katniss to love sex. He wanted her to love having sex with him. That entire afternoon had been a dream come true for him and he didn't want to lose it. He wanted Katniss like this every day for the rest of his life.

She had said that they wouldn't be able to be together. That was such bullshit and Peeta was out to prove that to her. Yes, they led two different lives in two different places but it wasn't as if Peeta hadn't thought of that. Of course that had been on his mind and it didn't surprise him that Katniss was so ready to make it a difficulty for them. It was going to be a challenge but Peeta had a few ideas as to how to make this work because he was prepared and quite willing to do anything to make this work. He had meant everything he had told her. He loved her and after stupidly giving her up once already, he was never going to let her go again. He knew they had a lot of things to still talk about and the weekend was winding down.

Katniss rolled from her back onto her side, facing him, and Peeta smiled slightly, resting his head on the pillow, his face inches away from hers. His nose brushed against hers and Katniss sighed in her sleep, lifting one of her hands to rest on his cheek. Peeta closed his eyes at her touch and shifted a bit on his side so he was more comfortable. He draped his arm over her hip and Katniss moved closer to him so her chest grazed against his. If it was at all possible, Peeta would never leave that bed. He opened his eyes again, this time finding himself staring right into Katniss's.

"You're awake," he said softly and she smiled sleepily, nodding her head. He kissed her, his lips lingering on hers for a long moment. Katniss moved to him, her lips pressing against his softly. The kiss grew and their lips moved together, caressing almost lazily. They drank one another in, took their time in tasting one another.

Katniss moaned pleasurably when Peeta slowly rolled them over, putting her on her back underneath him. Her hands moved from his cheeks to run over his scalp. "I love these curls." She informed him and Peeta grinned. She wrapped her fingers over his curly mane and then lifting her head from the pillow, she tilted his head forward and kissed his forehead. "Do you remember when I used to always run my fingers through your hair? I was like an addictive habit for me."

Peeta laughed softly. "I'm glad. If you didn't, I'd probably shave it off." That made Katniss smile and their lips met again, this kiss a bit more intense then the previously slower ones. His tongue licked at her bottom lip and Katniss opened her mouth immediately, tilting her head so the kiss could deepen. Both moaned simultaneously when their tongues touched. Their lips slowly separated and they stared at one another. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "A little sore but I feel good." She kissed him again. "Thank you for this afternoon, Peeta. It was… I can't even describe it."

He smiled. "I'm glad but I should be thanking you, Katniss. You know… for doing this with me. For trusting me enough to be… your first."

One of her hands caressed his cheek. "You were always going to be my first, Peeta. Even when I told myself I hated you and never wanted to see you again." She sighed. "I went out with these other guys and they weren't you. No one came close to being you. And I just knew- Well, I hoped that we would be here one day. But when I saw you again, I was so angry and hurt. You hurt me so much and I just didn't know if I could risk it all again even though I loved you." She stared into his eyes and smiled faintly. "I love you, Peeta."

His mouth covered hers, their kisses far more passionate now, frenzied, and almost desperate. Her words surrounded him, covered him like a blanket, keeping him warm and safe. She loved him. She admitted it. She wasn't denying it. She wasn't hiding it and she certainly wasn't telling him that she didn't want to. She loved him. And Peeta felt as if his heart was exploding in his chest. It was indescribable. Katniss being in love with him felt as if he was flying, soaring, having an out of body experience.

"I love you too." Peeta said. "I always have. Even when I was treating you like I was, I did that because I was stupid and I thought that I was saving you from me."

"Yes, you were very stupid." Katniss agreed. "I barely survived without you, Peeta."

"These past six years, I just felt so numb and hollow without you. Even in college, I scanned the crowds, trying to find you, convincing myself that you were there with me."

They fell silent and stared at one another, realizing how much time had been lost between them, how much time had been wasted. All of this time, with all of this love they had, they could have been together. For the past six years, they could have been together and happy. But they were here now. They were getting another chance and though neither knew why, they didn't want to question it. This was their time. They could be together if they wanted to be. No more time had to be wasted. No more days and nights spent apart, dreaming about one another. They were there, together.

Their lips met and one of Peeta's hands cupped her cheek as both of her hands gripped at the muscles of his back, trying to hold onto something as his kisses reeked havoc on her senses. Kissing Peeta always made her feel as if she was fainting. She always felt so light-headed and woozy whenever he kissed her – as if she was moments away from passing out. Her heart pounded in her chest and she sighed happily into his mouth. Peeta kissed her just a bit harder, a bit more deeply, his tongue dancing around hers, tasting her, drinking her all in.

They pulled away when they both needed breath and they kept touching one another, staring into one another's eyes. His thumb brushed across her lower lip and they both smiled as she caught it between her teeth, biting on it gently.

"Katniss, I want to talk about me going back to Jamestown on Sunday." Peeta said but Katniss shook her head, releasing his thumb. "We have to talk about it."

"No, we don't." She argued, stubborn as always. "I had a mini-freak out earlier and I'm sorry about that. We really don't have to talk about it."

"Yeah, we do, Katniss. And I've been thinking that -"

Katniss interrupted him, pressing her lips against his, aggressively rolling them over so he was on his back and she was on top of him, straddling his body. She kissed him over and over, not letting him talk. She didn't want him to talk. She didn't want to hear whatever he had to say. She was convinced that she wasn't going to like what he was going to say so she didn't want him to say it. She didn't want this to be ruined. Right now, she just wanted to lie with him in her bed and kiss him. This was her dream and she didn't want it to be ruined by reality. She wanted to avoid reality for as long as possible and to Katniss, that meant avoiding the topic until Sunday.

…

"You missed a hell of a movie last night, Kat." Madge said, standing in the kitchen of hers and Gale's apartment, holding a bowl of chocolate icing in front of her and stirring it vigorously. "Delly and Marvel actually screamed a few times. Of course, Marvel is afraid of almost everything." Katniss laughed at that, sitting one of the stools at the island counter in the middle of the kitchen, but Madge was able to tell that her mind seemed to be a million miles away. Madge stopped stirring the icing she had made for the freshly baked cake cooling on top of the stove and slid the bowl onto the counter in front of her. "Katniss, what is it?"

Katniss shook her head slightly, offering Madge a small but genuine smile. "Sorry. I'm listening. I just -." She sighed, twisting and untwisting the cap of the bottle of water Madge had given her when she arrived. "How did you know Gale was the one for you and not well - some other guy?"

The question made Madge smile, almost laugh. "Katniss, if you're asking me that because you want to know if Peeta is the one, I tell you now that he is." This made Katniss smile and blush faintly as she looked down at the water bottle. Madge picked the bowl up again and began stirring the icing once more. "But to answer your question…" She paused to swipe some of the icing on her index finger and lick it off to taste. It needed just a pinch of more sugar. "Do you remember that time senior year of high school when I got really sick and I was home for like a week?" Katniss nodded, remembering her friend suffering from a nasty stomach virus. "Anyway, I was kind of, sort of seeing Max Henderson at that point and all he said to me, over the phone, was 'Get better, babe'." Madge said as she gave Katniss a stern look. "No card sent or anything."

Katniss blinked at her as she listened intently.

"Anyway!" Madge continued, getting the sugar jar from the counter and sprinkling a pinch into the icing as she began to stir again. "I got sick again during our sophomore year of college. I swear, I have no immune system."

"I remember. You FaceTimed me after my anatomy exam even though you were near death." Katniss said with a slight laugh at the memory.

Madge smiled softy at the memory too. "Right. So, Gale and I had just started seeing one another. Nothing had been defined yet. We were just kind of seeing if dating would take us anywhere. When I got sick, I just expected him to stay away because what guy would want to be around his sick girlfriend who was throwing up all night?" Madge paused in her stirring and a bigger smile came across her lips as she reminisced. "I was lying in bed, convinced I was dying, and there was a knock on my door. It was Gale and he had brought me a cup of broth since I really couldn't eat anything else. I told him that I didn't want him to see me like that but he basically pushed himself into my room and stayed with me. He even held my hair back when I threw up and he rubbed my back and got me water whenever I needed it." Madge fell silent for a moment as she relived the memory. She sighed wistfully. "In my medicine-induced state and with my head in the toilet, I felt him rubbing my back and I knew that I was going to marry him someday."

Katniss smiled at her friend's dreamy-faced expression and she wondered if she ever looked like that when she was thinking of Peeta. Peeta. Thinking of him now, she did smile and she felt her cheeks flush. She bent her head down, her hair hiding her face as she looked down at her lap. She still couldn't believe that she and Peeta had had sex. No, it had been more than sex. They had made love – twice yesterday afternoon, once last night and once that morning. It was as if they couldn't get enough of one another. Of course, they did have much time to make up for. Katniss didn't regret it for one moment.

She had woken up that morning with Peeta kissing her neck and shoulder. Their lovemaking had been slow and gentle, almost lazy. She had loved waking up like that and had allowed herself to envision waking up like that every morning but that point on – not just with kisses or Peeta sliding in and out of her body but with Peeta next to her.

In high school, when they would have their impromptu sleepovers, she would normally wake up before him in the mornings and she would just lie there, feeling the heat from his body, listening to his deep steady breathing. She loved waking up with him and it used to make her heart pound in her chest. She realized that nothing had changed. Her heart still pounded in her chest and she felt warmth from his body. She loved having him in her bed and it was something that she had thought would never happen again. But there they were.

It was Saturday already. Peeta would be leaving tomorrow and all Katniss knew was that she didn't want to lose him again. She didn't want to go a day without him. These past six years, she had felt as if she was a ghost, floating through the days. It was amazing. Had it really been on Tuesday that they had been in The Hob and kissing all because of a dare?

It was almost fate or something very much like it.

She didn't know what they were going to do. She was not about to ask him to stay in Panem. He had a life in Jamestown in Charlotte. Why on earth would he give that all up to stay and be with her? She wouldn't let him do that. She didn't even think though that Peeta would even consider doing that.

Perhaps she could move to Jamestown. There were plenty of hospitals there and she could find a job. She wouldn't assume that she was moving in with Peeta so perhaps she could find a small affordable apartment. But did she really want to do that? Did she really want to leave Panem? She had a wonderful job here. She loved her patients. She loved her crummy apartment even though she sometimes felt lonely but she loved living there nonetheless. Was she willing to give that all up? Was she willing to leave her friends and her life behind as she followed Peeta? Was Peeta worth that? Well, Katniss was glad she at least knew the answer to one of her questions.

There was a knock on the apartment's front door and Madge paused in the middle of icing the chocolate cake to look at the time. Gale was known occasionally to forget his key, only discovering it when he returned home. But this knock didn't sound like Gale. After two years of living together, four years of being a couple, Madge could even recognize his knocks and differentiate them from another person's.

Seeing Katniss deep in thought, and knowing exactly who occupied her thoughts, Madge couldn't help but smile as she went down the short hallway to the front door. Did Madge forgive Peeta for everything he had done to not only Katniss, but to his friends? Certainly not one of Madge Undersee's many talents was holding a grudge. But there were just certain things in the world that could not be denied and one of those things were that Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen were made for each other and were always meant to be together. True, it took them six years and far too many hurdles in the way but honestly, that only seemed to make them stronger. Madge knew that they would work out this time. They had to work out this time.

Madge's smile though instantly faded upon opening the door. It was most definitely not her boyfriend. "Dad." She greeted as politely as possible.

"Madge." Lex Undersee greeted, almost mocking, and then held up a plain white envelope. "This was attached to your door." He turned the envelope over and Madge saw the scribbled version of Katniss on top of the envelope.

Madge frowned as she took in the shock of seeing her father for the first time in over two years. "Oh well - come in." She said, unsurely. She reached for the envelope and muttered out Katniss's name so it rang throughout the apartment.

Lex looked throughout the apartment. He took in the ratty furniture, the second hand carpets and pillowcases. He trailed his eyes over the room until the landed on his daughter. Her blonde hair was piled on her head, her clothes were baggy and worn, and her cheeks were covered in flour. "Strange seeing you live in a place like this."

Madge stared at her father unable to believe that he had just said to her. She was not above slapping someone, especially her father but how dare he say such a thing to her. Gale and her had worked immensely hard saving money for their apartment. It was small and simple. It wasn't over large or a big house filled with empty promises and lifeless people. It was her home.

Before Madge could open her mouth and snap a retort, Katniss appeared, coming up behind her and not noticing the thick tension between Madge and her father. Her thoughts were very much still consumed with those of Peeta. She smiled tightly at Mr. Undersee.

"Ms. Everdeen." Lex said with a slight tilt of the head. "Don't tell me you're living here too?"

Katniss tilted her head in confusion until Madge shoved the white envelope into her direction. She blinked a few times before she faced the older man. "Oh - no. I just - I'm not sure what this is." She turned her attention toward the envelope and as soon as she saw the small letter pop out, she knew who it was from. Peeta. He had written out a set of directions and for her to pick out something just for him, and after her purchase, she would find her next envelope. She tilted her head at his writing but smiled nothingness. Katniss turned her attention back toward the father and daughter before her, finally notching the thick tension. "I'm going to get my coat." Katniss said distantly as she read the instructions over again and turned to go collect her coat from the kitchen, leaving Madge and her father alone.

"What are you doing here?" Madge asked as she stared at the man who's image matched her own. She crossed her arms and stared at her father with a bewildered expression.

"Did you just bake something?" Lex asked, ignoring her question. He never would have pegged his daughter to actually cook something, let alone live in a place where she currently was.

"I made a cake for Gale." She answered sharply. "Can you answer the question?"

Katniss came up again, buttoning up her coat as she still read Peeta's note, already having memorized it but still reading. Her stomach felt as if it was fluttering with anticipation and excitement. Peeta had set up a scavenger hunt for her. Despite the hurtful things he had done to her in the past, she still admitted that no guy had ever treated her as sweetly as Peeta did.

"Bye, Madge" Katniss said softly before turning her attention toward the male in the room. "Mr. Undersee." She nodded her head and turned her attention back toward Madge. "I'll call you later."

Madge smiled genuinely at her best friend, forgetting about her father for a moment. It was so good and warmed Madge's heart to see Katniss happy – actually happy. It had seemed like forever since she had been like this. "Judging by the look on your face, the last thing on your mind later will be calling me."

Katniss shook her head. "I'll see you." She slipped past the two and disappeared from sight.

Madge turned her attention toward her father and narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing here? Especially now after all this time?"

"I wanted to check up on my daughter." Lex said as he narrowed his eyes back at his daughter. "How's that white-trash boyfriend of yours?"

Madge stared at her father in disbelief before shaking her head. Of course. Of fucking course this is why her father had come over. Not to see her and ask how teaching was going. No - he came for what he always wished he could change. Her. "You're unbelievable. I have been with Gale for almost five years, dad."

"I talked to Mr. Kellen. His son is finishing up law school."

Madge shook her head. "That's great for him but I'm-."

"You're what?" Lex interrupted. "Happy? How can you be happy living like this?" He gestured toward the small apartment with disgust. "I did not raise my daughter to fall for some scumbag from the bad side of the tracks."

"Get out." Madge was on the verge of screaming. She was unaware of why her voice was remaining so calm. She wanted nothing more than to have her father leave and never return. He had no problem telling her what she could and couldn't do as a child but those days were long over. The day she graduated high school was the day she stopped letting Lex Undersee control her.

"Young lady -."

"I asked you to leave. I would like you to leave."

Lex let out a disgusted laugh as he took in his surroundings. "When that trash leaves you, don't expect me to take you back. You chose this life, not me."

Madge shook her head. Tears making their way down her face. She whipped her head and finally noticed the figure a few feet behind her father. Gale.

Gale standing on the top step of the staircase in front of them, paralyzed, seemingly not even breathing, as he had witnessed the whole thing.

…

"He has got to be kidding." Katniss muttered to herself as she stood on the sidewalk outside of the store on the corner of Main and Cotton, looking through the large front windows, seeing mannequins sporting different types of lingerie, all lacey and frilly and all made up of very little material. She looked down at the piece of paper in her hand though she knew that she was at the correct location. "Un-fucking-believable." She sighed before pushing open the door, stepping into the warm shop.

She looked around at the racks all holding different garments of lingerie, wondering exactly what Peeta had in mind. His note had said something appropriate but what the hell did that mean? Something lacey? Something see-through? Something so skimpy, she might as well have not been wearing anything at all?

With a determined sigh, she began walking throughout the store, taking note of several pieces that were more of her taste although they would cover more of her body than most of the pieces in there but she didn't want to give the milk away for free. She wanted to be the cow that teased a little. Katniss frowned, turning and looking at her reflection in the mirror behind her. Did she just call herself a cow? Goodness, doing this type of shopping was making her flustered. And the store felt as if it was a thousand degrees. She unbuttoned her coat and looked down at the note again. The cashier had her next envelope. All she had to do was get something and then that envelope would be hers.

Katniss paused at a rack of different colored corsets. She had to admit that wearing a corset was something she always wanted to try. It wasn't the kind of corset that was worn in the Victorian age and made women pass out. These lingerie corsets had one purpose and one purpose only - to seduce. She clearly had never had anyone to wear one for before or even consider buying one but this was Peeta. If she was ever going to try one out, it would be for him. She hesitantly picked up a dark orange one in her size, holding it up in front of her, swallowing the nervous lump in her throat.

"We have matching panties and garters for that." A female voice said suddenly from behind her and Katniss gasped in surprise, whirling around. The saleswoman smiled warmly at her. "Katniss, I presume?" Katniss nodded her head, dumbfounded momentarily, and the woman took it upon herself to pluck the corset from her hand. Katniss then followed her like an obedient dog as the woman went to the far wall and quickly located the matching dark orange lace panties. Katniss blushed as she envisioned herself wearing those and what Peeta's reaction would be upon seeing her wear those. "Would you like the garters?" The woman asked, still smiling as if she could now read Katniss's thoughts, and Katniss nodded. Yes, she definitely wanted the garters. If she was going through with this, she was going to go all the way. There would be absolutely no holding back.

When they had gathered everything, the saleswoman led Katniss to the cash register. Katniss wondered how much all of this would cost her but as she reached for her purse, the woman stopped her, shaking her head as she scanned each item and placed it delicately into a white and mint green striped bag.

"Mr. Mellark has already taken care of everything." The woman said with a wink and Katniss flushed as she took the bag. She knew she shouldn't't be embarrassed. The woman worked in a lingerie store for heaven's sakes. Girls usually came shopping in here for something to be a prelude to sex. "And I have this for you as well."

Katniss took the envelope with a smile, excitedly opening it and taking the sheet of white paper out, reading the next clue which led her in the direction of The Hob.

After thanking the saleswoman and swinging her bag in her hand, Katniss left the lingerie store and set out for The Hob. The weather was brisk and she buttoned her coat one-handed as she walked. She realized she was still smiling but she couldn't help herself. She hadn't been expecting something like this from him. It made their last day together that much more special. Her smile faltered.

Their last day.

Yes, it was. He was leaving tomorrow and they had yet to speak of what would become of them. Katniss knew that was her fault. He had wanted to talk about it yesterday but she hadn't been able to bear with whatever he was going to say. She was convinced that she wouldn't like it in the least. She wanted to hold off getting hurt for as long as possible and just enjoy Peeta's scavenger hunt. The smile firmly attached itself to her lips again and Katniss bounced up the steps of the café with excitement, headed hopefully in the direction of the boy she loved.

* * *

_Chapter Notes_

_You guys are so **amazing! **The response I've gotten has been so wonderful and I'm so grateful for all of you who review/favorite/follow this story. I owe a big thanks to, everlarkcheesebuns, she is the best! I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and I would love if you let me know what you think! __Cosmic Love has four or five more chapters but I promise it will all be worth it! __I will be posting another story within the next hour! I am excited for it and to continue working on Begin Again! If you haven't checked them out already, I would love to hear from you! _

_The song title is from a_ Blind Pilot's _song. _


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